How to Laugh, Grow & Live Without Regret Feat. Pete Holmes

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Cities are being added all the time so if you don't see one near you now, check back. I hope to see you there. Well, come back to the show, everybody. So, truth be told, I saw this man out to come on.

“One, I think he's one of the funniest human beings in the world, but I also just think there's something”

underlying his work that he's like a compelling, interesting figure to me. And I find myself, I frankly use the show sort of sometimes as a magnet. I wanted to meet him and I wanted to know it. And I was telling him off camera, some of my really good friends that are in his industry and the stand-up comedy world. Name him as the guy they think is just hilarious and funny and talented. But there's some depth to him that you don't get in just your average everyday guest. He's a

unique man. I can't wait to kind of dig into who he is and what he's all about. You know, you probably know him. You'll recognize his voice and if you're on YouTube, you'll see his face. He is Peter Benedict, right? My whole name, by the way. Yeah, that is serious. He's also a Boston boy

“like me originally. And I think he's one of the funniest humans in the world. So welcome to the show,”

Pete Holmes. Thank you very much. What a nice, I've already glad that we did this. Yeah, let's just cut right now. We can end it. We could. He has his own podcast. It's called You Make It Weird, right? It's just made it weird. It's made it weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And around forever, you guys. It's like after his TV show. I wanted to ask you, you're so many stand-ups from Boston. I mean, that's a great question. It's not to be too much of a cliche, but I

think there's something about, I don't want to put it down, but there's something a little repressed about Boston. I mean, it's, you know, remember Gary Gorman had this great line where if you drank Sprite in Boston, you were, that was considered a feminine, you know what I mean? There's something kind of like, I grew up in this pressure cooker. We love like toughness and kind of, again, I don't want to put it down. I really love Boston, but like knuckleheads, I'll say knuckleheads,

toughness, and intense liberalism, and intense geniuses. Like MIT, but also like the diehard red sock fan, back, you know, and all that sort of stuff, and Harvard, and Rhodes made for horses in the snow, and like my father and my mother's from Lithuania, which she's from South Boston, and my father's from like summerville. So they were from like real, I say with respect, like real Boston, like they knew all these connected people and all this dangerous stuff, and I grew up in

Lexington. So there's something about the first generation that gets to safely express themselves,

“you know, in a place that doesn't really celebrate expressing yourself. You know what I mean?”

I do, I'm like the first, I'm like the first dog that escaped the porch, you know, and I ran real fast, and I sometimes catch my dad. I think having warm, like, pride that like he provided a life for me that I was like safe to tell people about my insecurities, or my fears, or whatever it was,

and he never really got to have that. And I think he think, I hope, quietly, he's a, he's a

Boston dad, so I can't know for sure. But I think he thinks it's pretty cool that I've gone the other way, and that I had a cozy enough of, or safe enough of a life to be like, you know, he must look at my stand up like, what are you doing? You know, why are you admitting that, you know, or whatever it might be?

So I want to ask you, like, I do watch you on stage, and I speak for a living, but what I want to make today is like a lessons of success. We're going to talk a little bit about God, you guys, but lessons of winning. I'm just curious, some of these, some of the people in stand-up I've had on, I've asked where you funny originally and where you good originally, and they're like, no, it took me forever, I'm on. In your case, were you good, like, right out of the gate,

on stage, and then stand up? And it's okay if you were, some people try to make it like, oh,

I'm terrible. Yeah. Great. Where you? You know, the, the classic is that Chappelle was good the first time

you went up. What, I, you know, it's interesting. I really like, I hope you don't mind the term

“self-help. I think motivations are very interesting, and I read a lot of that stuff and grew up and”

changed my life. So I hope I'm not, it doesn't sound panoring if I speak in these terms, but it's true. I would gauge my success based on my environment. So I, I wasn't measuring myself against Jerry Seinfeld or, you know, the greats, like the people that were huge, I just wanted to be one of the better people at the open mic. And I didn't do that consciously. I just, I knew it would overwhelm me if I was like, am I great? You know, I'm talking about when I really first started.

I just was like, was I in the top five of this awful open mic? So that I will say, pretty much from the beginning, even though I wasn't very good. I was pretty conscientious. I would write. I would have like a theme. I remember it in open mic at the comedy connection

in fanial hall. The host went up, and I didn't do very well. There's probably the second or

third time I went up, but my parents were there, and they remember this too. He got up on stage as real

“pro, you know, he'd been doing it 20 years. And he goes like, that's how you do it. He goes,”

beginning, middle and end. He was talking about something like, I was, I was a student of it. I studied like, oh, a lot of these things end with, I didn't know it was called a call back, but you call something back. Something you established at the beginning. So good way to cue to the audience that you're done. And you go, and I look at him, and it's, that's the clown from before or whatever it is. So I did that. I did it kind of like conscientiously.

And I, I feel like even in those early shows, I was like, at my level, at the amateur level, I was in the top three consistently. And that's what I tell people when I start. I go, don't measure yourself against Bill Burr. Go to an open mic. You'll laugh. You'll be like, look, it's just, it just is awful at the beginning. Yeah. Not throwing shade on it. We're just all awful. So go and just see if you can be one of the three best awful people. And that's a good, and I do feel like I was, you know,

in that top three at most open mics. That's probably good advice for anything. Yeah, right? Like, whatever your stage is, don't compare your chapter one to chapter nine of someone else same time.

“You ought to paralyze you. Do you think you should show some preclivity to being decent at”

something in the beginning? Like, maybe that's a sign. Like, hey, this might be your lane. You know what I mean? Well, the tricky thing with stand up, not so much when I was starting, but when people tell me they want to be stand ups now. I'm like, are you sure? Because a lot of times, I think you're saying I want to be rich and I want to be famous because stand up is culturally relevant right now. Believe it or not, when I started in 2000, 2001, it wasn't as relevant. It was

still kind of like a fringe activity, not entirely. But it wasn't, they didn't have as many standups like hosting SNL. We weren't selling out Madison Square Garden. I just mean my people. We weren't selling out Madison Square Garden. So like, you really got to get clarity on, is it what you want or are you just a guy who lives in Cooper, town, New York and you think you want to be a baseball player? You know what I mean? Like, just because it's what's around. But if you go and you're good,

that's a real, and how it feels to do good. That's really the big clue is I would do good,

and I would feel I've never done cocaine, but it's gotta be what it is. I would feel elated like this

vibrating buzzing euphoria and excitement. Like, and I would get up excited to keep doing it. You know, that's not to say there wasn't a lot of fear. There was a lot of fear. There's a lot of dry heaving. There was a lot of anxiety. There were a lot of ruined birthdays and holidays, because I had a show booked two weeks in the future and I just couldn't relax because I wasn't good. You know, hard to know. You're going to get your ass kicked in two weeks. It's really good

point though, because I was thinking, like, uh, there are things I've been pretty good at, there was a million things I'm not good at. But there's been some things I'm pretty good at, that it didn't juice me when I was good at it. Yeah, yeah, I know that. But like for me, like, on stage speaking, like, big arenas or big crowds or whatever, or just like this, like human connections, stuff, sort of like really impacts me. One of the things that held me back, I'm just curious,

because I watch you. I think one of the reasons you're kind of compelling to me is like, and just I've met you even off camera for a few minutes. I can tell I think I'm right. Like,

do or like, I don't get a crap on anybody thinks there's a, there's a hard edge to them almost. I'm wondering, do you, do you care a lot of what people think about you and did that hurt you in any way, or help you like in progress on stage, like in the beginning, where you evaluating

“too much, how am I doing? Do they like me? And does that still affect you to this day?”

Less. But I actually think at the beginning, that's a good wound to have. It is a wound wanting people to like you. It's also a type of, it can be narcissistic to want everyone to like you. It's just another way of controlling people. But if that was a survival technique as it was for me, that doesn't mean it's all bad or anything. I just learned I can be safe if I make everybody happy. And if I make everybody kind of think I'm the golden boy, that is really good

when you're starting. I'll speak for myself. That was really good for me. Because when I when I tell people, when they're doing stand up, I just say, you know, when would you laugh? Just put yourself in the audience and when would you laugh? That's a hard question because sometimes you just go, oh no, you realize you wouldn't like you either. But like you're in the business of trying to kind of like inception, get inside somebody and change their chemistry. It's a thing to be really

compelled with what people think about you. And a lot of times when I watch stand up, so I'm just like, you got to make these choices. Am I going to go with what you think I am? Am I going to go against what you think I am? But either one of those choices, you know, the prerequisite is to know how people receive you. And then you can make these choices. But if you don't know who you are and if you

“don't know how they probably feel about you, you're kind of lost here in the sandstorm. So I think”

that's a good compulsion to have is to want maybe the same could be true if you want people to not like you. There are those private provocateurs that like that sort of stuff. But both people, it's just both ends of the same spectrum. I'm interested in how people feel. I care about how they feel. And I'd like to be in charge of how they feel. That's oh, there you go. Yeah, that's different. And I noticed in this, now this is going to sound everybody like I'm looking way too close. But like

most of my forgets stand up for a second, but just my friends, but stand up in particular. I'll

text them during their special ago. Oh, you used silence really well right there. Whenever I'm looking at every little subtlety and I've been thinking about you like, because how is what you're good at doing translate to someone listening to this today, right? And so I want your comedy, your hilarious, your deep. But I'm going to tell you there's a little thing you do. I don't know if you know you're doing it or not. You sometimes laugh at your own jokes before you've

“said the punchline. Yeah. And you smile a lot on stage. That everybody does that. I think the best”

sales people that I, I was going to make the same point for you. Yeah. It's like, do you know the purpose is it who you are? Because like the people I trust the most that are trying to sell me something, I see them warm and smiling. And I'm almost smiling back and nodding at them before they've even asked me for it. The order is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like who you are on stage. No, no. Well, I think it is who I am, but that doesn't mean it's authentic. Like if people said,

I'll give you $10 million. Don't laugh during your set. Of course, I could not laugh. You know what I mean?

And of course, there are shows that I'm doing that I don't feel like laughing. Often a special taping is one of those times. Like you're not really feeling super chill. But you're trying to mimic the whole thing is trying to lean towards an aspect of you that is naturally occurring. But night might not be the majority shareholder of your personality at that moment. Yeah. But I'm trying to, I'm trying to control how they feel. I'm trying to control how I feel. And it's a benevolent

manipulation. Usually manipulation sounds bad, right? But if I want you to come to my show and every, a lot of times, I know fields away. I want you to go on vacation. I want all your

problems to be way, way, way, way far away. I want you to finally put all that down and feel like you're

six years old again and you're getting tickled. I want you to be joyful and light. I'm going to use every tool I have. It's our some of them less than 100% authentic. You got damn right. It's the hardest thing in the world in my opinion. It's like people laugh for an hour and hour and 15 minutes. It's really hard. It's energetically draining. It's mentally demanding. So Chappelle, I learned that I wouldn't say I ripped it from Chappelle. But you know, steal from the best. He does that thing where

he hits the mic on my hand. Yes. Yeah. I moved the mic away from my face. That's a way of queuing to them. Because my wife told me she's like, "People want to laugh, but sometimes they're

right now." And then the laughing or the smiling is another way to indicate that. Like, I'm showing you the sheet music. My part, my part, your part, your part. You're not just laughing when the chemical happens. You're laughing when the chemical happens and you feel like it's appropriate in the show to laugh. You're looking for your cue. And that's why Chappelle cues people.

“That's why I'm queuing people. And it's funny. I remember reading something about salesmen”

that they would nod their heads. Someone would open the door and that already be subtly nodding their head. So when they say, "Like, you have a moment to talk to us today," the person would be more inclined to say, "Yes." Now that's manipulation. Comedy, entertainment, storytelling, music, sales, teaching, it's all manipulation. I'm manipulating you. You're manipulating me. You know, I don't mean it in a bad way. We're queuing each other. That's what a good

conversation like this is. The tone of my voice is telling you. And now I'm winding down. That's a manipulation. And now I'm done. See? Now it's your turn. Aren't I queuing you? Well, add to it. And that's what you're doing. That's Peter Benedict. Very well done. So guys, you probably all seen the buzz or heard about it. So let me give you the inside scoop. Live shopping on what not is exploding right now. I've watched the show's first hand. I've seen

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at $399 US dollars per month per employee helps you contain costs. Go to highpebble.ai to get a free estimate. That's high. P-E-B-L dot ai for a free estimate. There's something you do that I think transcends career or like the lane you're in. And most people don't know they don't even they're having conscious of this when they're watching a special or they're just going to a club. You're up there when you by the time you get to your special you have been telling most of those

jokes for a year. Yeah. Over and over you're working out the bit the sequence, the line, the

tonality, the pacing, all of it. But what you have to do is tell it like you've never told it before,

like it's the first time. And I don't think most people that are watching stand up appreciate that skill set. And here's why I ask it. I think like as a dad or like as a salesperson or a leader in a company. It's the 19th time you've covered your core values or your mission or your pitch. And what happens to most people is they fatigue on saying it. And it sounds like you've put it before. Then being the only time you've ever said that line, the only time you've asked for that close,

the only time you've sold the vision of the company to somebody. Yeah. You do that. First I, that is right, right? You've had that bit of year even sitting on that bit for a while. Yeah. No, that's a great insight. Really. I'm thrilled with that question because it's under-reported.

“And I think every comedian is different. When I was starting everybody was like you got a”

perform every night. And I think at the beginning I did after perform every night. It was about reps. It was just about muscle memory. It was just about doing it. And then at a certain point, I don't even know what it would. It might have been 15 years and 10 years in. I don't know around there.

it'll die. It, like it literally will stop working because it turns out. Talk about how you're

coming off. The joke is how you feel about it. And you lost the feeling. So I'm getting mad about trumpets or, or whatever, or electric eels. Like I have all these silly jokes where the joke is that I'm using the tonality of Bill Burr who might be ranting against politics or something. I'm using that to talk about that there's a berry called boys and berries. Like that's the joke. If I do boys and berries too many times, it'll dry up. It's, I say it on stage. I'm talking to myself on stage

all the time ago. I don't want this to feel like a job. So when I start, I usually do grab ass riffing, doing a bed. I wasn't planning on doing all in the first 15, 20 minutes. And if it doesn't work in quotes, meaning it doesn't get like a smashing laugh. I'll straight up tell them, guys, this is an excuse to hang out. Like you're waiting for the hot joke. You're waiting for the big line. It's this. I go, this is your life. That sounds like your lane doesn't it? Because this is your

life. Yes. Be here. Like join me now. Like you're in this crowd. You'll never be in this crowd.

Again, look at the person next you can go, goodbye forever. Like this is it. And like it's establishing again a benevolent authority. I'm saying I'm not here to ask you if these jokes are funny. I'm going to assume the position of someone who's going to be the authority on what's funny for your sake. It's like, I'm going to land the plane. I know Bill Cosby's a troubling person. He had that line where he said, the pilot can't get on the PA and saying I'm going to try to land the plane.

You say I'm going to land the plane. Or you actually say even better, we're going to be touching

“down at 11 15, like that's that's how sure I am. And that's what I'm doing. So even if a joke doesn't”

work, you demonstrate your calm, right? I'll give you an example. I was just in San Francisco and I was trying to say the word bike, but I said there's a racial slur that sounds like bike and I actually said that word. And the whole play is straight. I'm not an alpha and most of my life, straight alpha dog. I don't give, I don't give a sh*t. No one here thinks I said that. I didn't even get worked up. I was just like, oh, do I say it? And like I just kind of moved through it because they're

taking your cue. Now this was San Francisco. It's a very with it place. We don't want, I don't want words like that either, of course. I'm just saying, yeah, you're looking to you. Am I sweating? Am I am I apologizing? Am I going shut the f*ck up? I made it, you know? And they go, oh, my wife was in the crowd. She's like, everyone's like, thank God, this guy's landing the plane. Now let me answer your question better because, sorry, a lot of talking. There's, it's a really good area, right? So how

do you not, the whole job is to go out. I have a Montrey goat. They haven't heard it before. I have two mantras. One is, it's not about the words. It's about the connection. It's about the space between the words. And they haven't heard it before. That usually means slow down and trust yourself. If you thought this was funny, give them a chance. They haven't heard it before. But the key is, you want to be, uh, I believe this is Louis C. Case of this, like the right side of the brain

dictates the left side of the brain communicates. If I catch myself doing the album, that means or rating the bit, I'll stop. I'll stop it and f*ck it up on purpose or change it or bring someone into it or say, like, I'm sorry, you want to nudge yourself into the part that's communicating the joke. So another way to do that that's less disruptive than stopping or less jarring,

“say it in a way you haven't said it before. Say it in a crazy way. And now you have to defend this”

weird. You said, "Fuck, dogs are f*cking whatever it is. It doesn't have to be a hot take." And then the other key, I learned that's from my friend Isaac Whitty when I was opening for him, who's like, "Go out of order." So there's nothing better to keep you in the communication side of your brain.

There's nothing better to keep you vital and fresh than to go. I always open with this.

Guess what? We're not even going to do it tonight. Let's open with the middle. Let's close with the beginning. Let's drop that. Let's open my kit here because sometimes what they need is the energy of you trying something that's not quite done. Maybe they don't want home-run derby. Maybe they want to see you. Gary Shandling have this great lining. They go, no one cares what Elvis plays. They want to see Elvis. So just be Elvis. Don't be like,

"Oh, and then I got to do Fulls Rush in, and then I got to do Blue Christmas." Like,

“get the f*ck out of here. Be Elvis, right? That's how you stop from.”

You guys, I hope you're all listening to this the way that I do. I'm thinking about standing up,

changing up the sequence. Not like it's such as be smart. You know, like, you know,

yeah, as a leader or a salesperson that it doesn't sound like you've done it a bunch of times. It's so interesting to just said this, I give a talk yesterday, and it was a much smaller venue than I'm used to. You know, and it was like going to be awkward. It almost took me back to like my beginning at speaking. It was at like a okay hotel with like a handheld mic and like, you know, wasn't big arena or whatever. And I was worried. I was going to mail it in.

Like a lot of you mail in your Monday morning sales meeting with your team or your board meeting or whatever. I thought mama mail. And so I did exactly what you said. There's certain things I'm going to get to. I took some risks. I know I got risk. It's up. It's going to work anyway.

Get your heart going. It's scary. It's scary. Change the sequence up. And I kind of like made fun of

myself with it. I had fun with that. I think that's the other thing you said that I just want to make sure I highlight everybody is assumed the position of the authority. Yeah, for them, for them, right. It's a kindness. It's a kindness. Yeah. It's that was broke. You're supposed to put everybody these. But you know, it's funny. So I have a seven year old. If you catch me looking. I'm just making sure she's not coming in. But sometimes I'll be reading to her or something. And I'm like,

I catch myself doing the same thing. This isn't a stand-up thing. What I'll, I go, like I'll be reading. We're reading the baby citrus club. There's a graphic novel. It's quite good.

“That's why I mentioned it in case people are looking for something for a seven year old.”

But sometimes I get over like these chapters are long sometimes. And then the reading time

or goes off, but it's like one on one page into the next chapter. So we have to finish it. And I'll catch myself just being like, I just want to be done. And it's just that moment of consciousness, just that moment of awareness. Like you had in the small hotel where you go like, wait, I'm stuck. I'm trying to be done snuggling with my daughter reading her a book. She's going to be 16. And won't want maybe won't want to hang out with me. Like, it's like snap out of that,

become aware. And I'll say to myself, sometimes my eyes, it's literally just my eyes are tired. And I just go, just this page, just this frame, just this. And I'll look at my girl. She must think, I don't know. She's used to it. So she's probably not thinking I'm crazy. But I'll look at her and I'll whisper and I'll be like, or something like that. Just something to slap me out of it. I'm dragging ass through the baby sitter's club. And it's not because, oh, it should be.

It's like, no, this is my life too. This isn't, this isn't the path. You ever do that. Like, all suffering is going, when I'm done with this, I can launch task with my wife. So you're doing this right now, dipshit. So do it. You're in the shitty hotel right now. So do it. And by the way, couldn't relate harder. My career is littered with gigs where you're just like, I was just a radio city. You know what I mean now. And now I'm in the high end or whatever it is. Yes.

And there's a Zekart toly quote where he says, how you feel right now is how you feel about your life. This is your life. It's not looking back or looking forward. It's just this. And that is really, it can be, it can make me go like, okay, so let's enjoy this. Let's enjoy this.

“Just this page of the babysitter. I am so with you, bro. I think a lot of people that achieve,”

like, I've been addicted to the next moment all of my life, not the one. I'm going to do the next one. Let me get through this one and then I'm going to get to that one. And it's something I really, a little thing I've been doing lately. I just said this like an hour ago to somebody. I was like, I've become more of like a witness to myself. And I've become more like a witness to the moment. And it kind of snaps me into awareness. Like, I want to, yeah, it's this moment.

And for some reason with me, that term, that way of thinking like causes me to be present. By the way, I, I also was thinking the other day about like, I'd a good friend come down, spent the last couple of days with me. We're playing some golf. And I'm like, all my friends fit a certain profile. They're very different to me. I'm actually really introverted. Are you really? Really? It's interesting. A lot of people on stage are.

And I'm like super introvert. So I have a lot of like very charismatic, very extroverted,

“very life of the party friends, which makes all the lifting very easy on me. Right? I think they're all”

like are very similar. But the other thing that they, they all do is they're, I like them because they're fully present with me. Presence about them. All of my really close friends do that I lacked when I was young with people that like it's the thing I cherish the most in other people. All right. I got, I've been, again, I've been dying to ask you this. So for what your specific faith believes, I'm, it's no one's business, although I know that you have it. I've read about you

that like you thought when you were young, you might be a youth pastor, blows my away if that's accurate. But you have this thing you do, Roe. I know you know what I'm going to ask you. But

to probably 300 people over the last year. Wow. And it's this notion of, you know what I'm going to ask you. So what do we come from? Right. We've got, got or nothing. We come from God or nothing. And like whatever your faith belief is specifically, you guys all know that I'm a Christian, but like set that aside just for a second, like just belief in something greater than oneself, right? Like would you explain that concept, like take them through this God or nothing because it's like unreal.

Yeah. Well, it's actually the spirit with which I wrote that joke was to say we're all in the same

“boat. I was like we all, we think it's like one side, atheists and one side theists, right?”

I have issues with both sides. Way more often I'll meet an atheist. I don't want to save more often. I'm just saying very often I'll meet an atheist and I'll find a way in to talking about spirituality that we vibe with. A lot of times the people that I'll bump up against are people that are really much more rigid in their beliefs. That's going to be a religious person. So I am not on one of these sides. I'm just saying we're on the same side. It's all the same choice.

You either think God created the universe or you think nothing created the universe. But what are we really talking about? It's in both cases it's something you can't see touch taste, photograph, and science can't prove, right? And the fight, I'm going a little out of order. I haven't done this joke in a while. The part that people make fun of, the nothing people make fun of the God people and they say God doesn't exist. I'm like sure but you know what definitely doesn't

exist is nothing. Like that's the defining characteristic of nothing. Like can we please just look at this idea that nothing, nothing which we can't even find in the universe, erupted into everything. So something that we can't find existed and spontaneously erupted into everything.

That's a magical nothing. That's incredible. And the real thing that made me feel like I was

on to something and I go ask the nothing people what happens when you die. They'll tell you nothing. You go into nothing and I go, you mean you merge back with your creator. I go, God's heaven. She's what I say. So what you see what I'm trying to do there is I go the same side. Same side. Something unknown is doing something we know not what. Right? We don't know what it is and my God is no thing. It's not a thing. It's not an object. The God and I like the word God

because it's a good place. Well, I say God is the name of the blanket. We put over the mystery

“to give it a shape. That's what Barry Taylor from ACDC said and I joke, why did I learn that in”

church? Why am I learning this from Barry Taylor? The road manager for ACDC. Why Matt actually turns out he's a he's a mystic. He's a groovy guy. But so God is I like the word God. That works for me. It's easier than saying a metaphor for a mystery. It has more juice. There's something about reclaiming it to that has a lot of power for me. But what was I? Do you spend a lot of time? Well, you. I like that I blanked. I hope everyone replays that last thing. The best bit

for me in the last 20 years of comedy. Thank you. It is the best bit and it actually makes me actually really emotional. But I'm I'm curious. I love it too. So Spring can be a natural reset point and if you've been putting off cleaning up the mess to your part to your business now's the time. And here's

the bottom line. Probably the messiest part you've got where the biggest leaks are is in your

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no miss customers. So if you guys see me online here's the bottom line Shopify's probably involved.

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my let that Shopify dot com slash my let. I'm always time to you spend

now we're being serious with one of the funniest people in the world. But like how do you

“do you spend a lot of time on that like I do like what I'm what I really believe like uh uh”

what I mean what I say when I really believe like the depth of what I believe um getting clear on it strengthening it questioning it. I like I like questioning what I believe like I it's like I'm I'm sort of weird and maybe I'm even more bit like I think a lot about death like uh it makes me feel more alive when I do it and that this thing I'm doing right now matters in this moment. You seem to me like you're really funny but you seem like a pretty

pretty serious dude. Do you think about things? Do you know what you believe or you like still working on what you believe? What's on it's a little bit unfortunate is that I I feel like more and more I do feel like I can articulate what I believe and what's unfortunate about that is I do try to maintain some of course I don't know and we still have experiences and an intuition that we're like it's something I don't know. I don't think my mind can perfectly

articulate it. It's like uh if I speak of it I'm a fool and if I'm silent I'm a coward just like I'm gonna speak about it and it's not gonna be right. In fact one of the times I think

I'm farthest from it from the truth is sometimes when I'm talking about it that's something

that I've noticed. I know exactly you know what I mean? So my hope I say my practice something something that I'm trying to work on is people ask me about this and I'm like is it possible to like just keep one foot in the pool while I talk about it? It's really it's really tricky because I go into my head and I start trying to like lay out like a metaphysical argument but what I like to say in times like this or what I'm compelled to say now is I think God is awareness. I think there's

only one awareness and I think that's what Jesus was pointing us to and I think one of the points

“of life is to remember that we belong to each other and to help each other as my as my home”

or I'm just going to walk each other home just because not to be right conceptually but to be rid of fear and to not and to rid of ourselves of hate and othering that's I think that's why these things matter. It's awesome. Do you ever pray like before you go on stage if you're scared or nervous? I say it's just us cats I like to say that because in my in my belief this is sort of like God's dream that's one way I would I would quickly explain this like we're all in the mind of God.

So when I catch myself being nervous it's because I'm believing that these things these people and the audience are other than myself but if I can own the idea that we're all the same thing that there's nobody in the other boat that is just us cats that helps me calm down. So that's not a prayer per se but it's me trying to remember I say this all the time at but maybe maybe

“you'd like it in the prodigal sun right all he does is remember that he's the the man's father”

and there's nothing he could do to be less the man's son or more the man's son so he's already the man's son it's you and I feel that way about all of us we are ready belong to this one thing so if I can go out and recognize it's more like recognize that it's just us it's just play it's just a dance it's just an excuse to hang out it's just an excuse to love it's just an excuse to remember because when you laugh you're not really there we're all kind of empty so we can

really have a good chance at merging together that makes me less nervous wow man that's so good I mean you must experience that talking to thousands of people that sometimes you got that feeling like oh wow we're all in the pocket together yeah well I know this the part that I definitely relate to is the part of if and there are times we're like separate from them and I've made it about me

like they think of me or how well I'm doing or do they think I'm incredible or am I

killing this right now yeah typically I suck but when I am connected with them I feel like they

well that's that's wholeness right so holy is a derivative of of wholeness so the idea

wanting to be like a a show being a holy thing is because you came in as Ed you sat in an audience you merged with a performer it became a show like we all became a show like that is dropping yourself off at the door that's part of the the fun of it you know you're saying that I was like

“and that's what a great leader does in a house in their home that's what a great leader does in a business”

I wish the leaders of either of the two parties did that politically and like trying to make it awesome instead of them and me and by the way I think both parties do that but I just I also like like what you said earlier when you're on stage and you go damn this isn't working I would love

one of our leaders at one point to go hey I screwed up I know I'm sorry and I don't want to

don't have an allowance for that you know it's not culturally we don't I have I've threatened so my friend who I used to go down you said you were in Laguna I'd go and hang out with Rob Bell and he was a pastor and he's he's a great man yeah yeah I used to talk to him I was just like I just don't know why a pastor can't get up and be like I woke up and had a lot of doubt today yeah where I just I just don't believe it today I know I'm depressed I like they become like not

everywhere but a lot of times pastors and politicians become like corporate logos or something it's like your Mickey Mouse or your Coca-Cola you have to be busy you have to be bubbly you have to be sweet like that's the job and and when I see a politician like remember when Howard Dean was like yeah and we were like fuck this guy like that sucks we're so binary we're like you're still they're cool or you're not so they become the most like studied it's almost sociopathic like they

have to be like everything they do the Hillary Clinton has hot sauce in her bag is anyone buying this but that's just their job I actually feel bad like it sucks that to get votes you have to pretend you had cheloo in your bag you look like saltines you don't have cheloo in your bag but that's what every politician it seems and every pastor has to play the part of a pastor and

“it's like a 24 hour roll and that sucks that's why I think it's really fun that to be a comedian”

and I can I feel free to say anything and I think it makes it more interesting that I choose to be like hey let's talk about this I don't have to I do totally too I think I've got see and I it's interesting like I'll even catch flag from people from today where I said sometimes I question what I believe to me like even those of you that are deeply religious like well if you have a relationship with someone or something these relationships go through this that's how they grow

you're requesting it if there's never some strife if there's never any doubt in your relationship

it doesn't grow any stronger so anyway I don't get completely deep but I think it's actually a healthy thing to have that to say I don't want to ask you earlier because you said earlier and I'm really like like digging on this you said when I was starting out was I like in the top three

“at the open mic night and then when I was in the clubs size clubs am I in the top three there or”

whatever how much of that is good and then when is it bad like do you you see billbird blowing up or Sebastian blowing up it and even in life in business it's like people are really good friends with people and then it feels like until your success threatens them or people have this belief that like if if Joe's doing really well in business he's taking part of the pie that I could have had I'm going to do less so they almost root against so how much of that like

in your world like are you you just got to be a little bit of you that's competitive like hey I want to be regarded as great and I'd love to fill up an arena at same time so are you what do you do you find yourself a little bit too competitive when should that stop you get the question yeah it's interesting this has been coming up this week and other conversations as well even admitting to you that when I was an open micer that I wanted to be let's you know cut the crap

I wanted to be the best one I didn't want to read this top three I wanted to be the best one you know and part of my strategy as a nice person and not meaning like I thought about it but like I wouldn't say something like that but even that is to be like I'm also going to be the nicest person here I'm going to win that as well so there's all sorts of competition going on what came to mind is Neil Brennan is a dear friend of mine and three of this he's great he

had this great line where he's like comedians aren't friends it's a bar fight and occasionally

your friends and I'll say this I left Los Angeles I have a lot of friends now that aren't comedians that's been really good for my heart for lack of a better term and I see that as really

true like comedians I think of as his pirates like we're always kind of like where do you get that

gold where to get that chest where where is that where those seven seas like it's never

“entirely chill there's always going to be a little bit and that's what we like about each other we”

also relax around each other to mix metaphors again we're a little bit like assassins and we hang out and we have our briefcases with our rifles and we we're a black leather gloves and it's nice to just not pretend that we're not assassins with each other it doesn't necessarily lead to the richest inner life I'll admit something that I'm not proud of when I go on Netflix it's really hard for me because I see every face is just somebody else that got another special there's some and I

have an epic special it's still there's a part of me that is still fighting as if his life depends on it and it takes a lot of conscious effort like sometimes literally in my imagination sitting that person down and being like that's not what's happening that's not what's happening you you think like it's a depravity thing you think this person got it so you're not going to get it relax and then and then a very practical step is like go to gratitude I also just keep my head out of it

I'm not on social media I'm not on I don't even like going on Netflix like I'd rather just find what I want to watch and say it into the into the remote just kind of stay out of it so I can just be in my lane my family my job I want my act to be as good as possible I'll either sell it or I won't or figure it out put it here put it there just keep your eyes on your own paper do you think there's a point by the way same here I've gotten much better at that like

I'm I actually feel genuine happiness when my peers are doing well now but doesn't mean I don't want to be number one but but for I used to think man if they're doing well maybe that means I'm not you know and I don't have a lot of that anymore I don't think when I'm when I'm clear I'll think something like we were talking about Sebastian Sebastian selling out arenas I'm like it rising tide lifts all the boats and that's true I started doing colleges as a young man that was the

first thing I did and I told this today in Dan Cook I was like more people were at my show

because of you because you made comedy cool so instead of being a hater I call that comedy cancer if you go around being like this guy that guy that's that that it's gonna kill you it's going to

“kill you you need to make that little effort to go because these kids love Dan they might see a”

comedy poster and go I'll go see some guy I don't know and they did and now they might be my fan that that doesn't mean oh now I've won it just means like it's good for all of us Sebastian's good for all of us bill is good for all of us Malayne's good for all of us Amy's good for all of us this is same team I like I try but it does take effort to go we're all in this together it's not me versus you and again I hope you're all here in this like you're not in comedy but you're in your industry or

your life or your friends so interesting you brought up Dan Dan's been on and another Boston guy well yeah and what was interesting is you know he was pretty you know he's been pretty open about like his challenge time of his career you know with his brother taken advantage of him and maybe you couldn't maintain that level of notoriety forever and stuff and yeah myself I'm curious what you think about this and we only got a time for a couple more things unfortunately because I've spent three

hours but I'm enjoying this dude thank you I am really man I really I knew I would do you think that there's if you're given advice to someone who's like on the climb like Dame's climbing like your climb and like I've climbed yeah I see this is someone recently

there is a point on the climb where like at least for me like those first rungs were worth every

trade off like that rung comes a trade off to climb to the next level you're gonna miss a family birthday party or you know some of your mental health ain't gonna be completely to get so there's the rungs you climb in life and for the most part the trade off to get to the

“next rung level on the ladder was worth it but I think maybe there's a point where you do need”

to evaluate the rungs so to speak and the trade off like it's some point when you do have a family and you do have a wife and you do have children do you buy into that like at some point you do need to evaluate it's costing you so hard so if it makes you feel good I hope it does these are

somebody I feel like we we must have a lot in common because that is what it is and if there's

“something if I were to give every if every comedian working today it would be a terrible audience”

sat down and I could we all got to talk for 15 minutes like Ted my talk would be about balance and I can't I just don't see a lot of guys even going for it even trying for it and they've bought into this idea and they have agents and managers and people on the payroll people say things like make hay while the sun's out and I'm like mother f***er how much hay how much hay do you need like it's too much hay and the people you know who's telling you

make hay while the sun's out the people they get 10% of your hay so my wife and I have a we've covered a lot of monsters here they're all simple but we go good life when good life when when are we going to do that and at a certain point I went for me as a performer one weekend a month is right for me as a father and a husband and a friend one weekend a month is right I'm in a very great place in my career where I can do one weekend a month I don't have to hustle and do

four weekends in a month but to give myself the credit most people would just say do the do the four do the four weekends and I go good life when like a daughter is a great way to go to see the passage of time those those baby sitter club bed time readings we do night swims we go on bike rides I am I look at my comedy like a cactus this is my strategy how little can I feed it

“because because comedy is actually and I think I'm at the top of my game if you come and see me”

what I'm doing now is better than what I was doing five years ago so it's not suffering I'm keeping an eye on the levels but I want to water it as little as possible that means I do one week a month I do one Largo show here in LA a month that's enough for me to write and produce and when I'm about to go on the road I usually do one or two sets in town just to get the dust off that is the minimum and when I do add nothing changes when I do the improv or the store

I want people to say that was the best guy I can't always be the best guy but sometimes

I'm the best guy and it means a lot to me to be like you guys don't even know I'm going to be hitting a pinata tomorrow you don't even know that I'm leaving the club I'm going to drive 90 minutes into the mountains because I want my kid to leave her bike on the lawn like it's it's the big and and just that's all that's nice to say like it's for them it's also for me when I watch that Eddie Murphy documentary he goes if you pray for something pray for peace of mind I was like

this guy gets it I did too that right that's the line that's the peace that passes understanding right you what you want isn't to just ring the bell every time you want to have a quality of consciousness that can actually appreciate and and and bask in the glow of what you've done you want to be able to sleep you want to be able to sit on the beach you want to be able to swim you want to be able to forget what time it is you want to be able to put your phone in a drawer you

want to go like I'm not even going to look at my finances this week because I know I'm working and I know the bills and every and we have people for that like that is what I mean by balance and it's the bet like if you saw my life I'd hand over the footage you'd be like wow pizza comedian

like six percent of the time and 94 percent it bet I'd think you're rich about I would have

a rich life and I'm going to tell you all what he just said you guys look there's seasons of your life when you're young and killing it you got to climb climb right like I do think there's those times for sure but I I got to tell you all let me tell you what that takes that he just decided by the way I've done it to you all know this I went out of TV show with NBC I'm like no I'm not doing it I'm like I just doing it and I'm going to tell you what that takes it takes unbelievable courage it that sounds

easy like I got it is so hard when you're climbing to go no you see people that you you're competing against let's just be real keep climbing and keep going and you've got to sell yourself on your

“version of life that's why this whole thing of like being a witness of your own like what matters”

to you now yeah and sometimes I think you got to audit a dream like is this still my dream that's good you know what I mean is this still what I want is this still my dream it's okay that it changes and evolves or adjusts yeah you witnessed be aware ask yourself some dad gun questions in your life

when you're winning like what you just said yeah or winning to me that's what yeah yeah I appreciate

“that I'll give you a good one like Hollywood award parties and stuff I used to think you”

had to go to that stuff I was like everyone here is miserable it's like a bunch of mirrors nobody nobody say I see you it's all these look at me is a nobody looking for these people saying watch me dive but nobody's watching anybody dive it's just the people that just want to be watch diving all together in Tuxedo's I was like maybe we can stop doing that that was an easy one that's so good yeah but but you're you already said it but like when I was young it was

absolute insanity like we could have that conversation too is insatiable it was yes to everything go go go but I know guys that that make millions a weekend and they and they still complain they don't see their families and I'm like please it's like a type of I don't want to call it an illness but it it seems like somebody needs to tell you please please stop it's really true you know what

“happened for me I'll tell you this and then I'll ask you a last question I'll just share it with you”

everyone can listen in I was with my dad when he died we're in his home so we're in his living

or my dad died of cancer and and uh there's a really profound like thing first off my dad became

my best friend he was alcoholic and when I was young it became my best friend but it was just maybe this sounds simple to everybody and try it but like my dad died in his house his car was in the driveway neither one went with him you're really not your possessions you don't take it with you and then my dad's awards of his life like golf tournaments he won or business awards or whatever they were in the room my dad died in yeah they stayed here you're not your accolades like you're not

those things when my dad died he had worries and insecurities and problems none of those went with him either you're none of those things that's right you know and so that but what's interesting

“is what he did leave here and one of the things my dad helped thousands of other people get sober”

like maybe start to focus more on who and what you'll matters to you like your children like your relationships like figuring out what you believe about God in life and there's a season for everything in life it takes great courage to do what you're doing because you are in that handful of conversation of the greats and to go you know what this weekend I'm going to be with my daughter in my life when they're not and you're eating that you guys it that sounded really nice when he said it

you don't know how difficult that it's called that shock as I've called it yeah okay I've always wanted

to have a term for this like when we moved into this house we have a pool and we put a cover on it and we put a cover on it because my daughter was little and you know she couldn't swim so it's for her but then I love swimming so I want to heat the pool I swim in the winter and then the the cover is you know what makes it stay warm so I did it for her and then it ended up being for me so I want a word in English something you do for someone else that ends up being for you because this

is one of them I only do once a month guess what I look forward to it I'm better I'm brighter I'm eager I can't wait to get up there sometimes you know a fluke or I said I couldn't say notice something I ended up doing two weekends in a row I'm just a little bit more my voice is raspy you know doing the joke it works you're like who cares it works it's for them and then it ends up being for me it's a pool cover and there's so many things in my life that are

like that over when you figure that out you're gonna have to come on and tell us that last you said her later just curious you said later or earlier rather that when they leave hey I want I'm thinking that guy was the best of the night but overall like because I do think there's certain shows I've gone to and I just laughed my butt off right there's other people you're one of them that like I've also thought about something when I leave you know like I'm a little

like this dude was saying something in there or I felt something or does there something you are conscious of maybe you're not maybe you just wanted to laugh that's it but do you want people feeling or thinking when they leave a show with you yes when I want I want them to be thinking what is this I that that moment when I'm reading with my daughter and I go hey we're here or that moment when you're giving your talk and you realize you're phoning it

and you snap out of it I want them to snap out of it that's what I'm going for meaning I want them

the nature of their reality what this is I have that bit about we're all atoms that makes no sense

“that makes no sense I don't understand these atoms know their atoms and there's a certain you”

know there's a quality when someone tells a ghost story it just kind of brings you into your body the same thing can happen when somebody's just like what is the error is also made of atoms I made of atoms or become aware of the empty space in your room and don't you see that you're

kind of like that empty space that's what you close your eyes you're a they can feel the

scintillating knowing where in sounds and thoughts and you you can picture a lemon or you could hear my voice or you could see what's around you all here is in the same empty space that you essentially are that that in the same way that a ghost story can you go oh you snap out of it remember in wally where he's going wally the he goes around and keeps knocking into the people that are stuck on

their screens and their drink and their slurpees he knocks them in their screen goes off

“and they they unplug and they go oh whoa where was I that's what I want and sometimes the best way to”

do that it's just just go what is this yeah because I'm tired of not talking about it like you said I don't care how you label it but we're all in this conundrum it's inexplicably mysterious and we walk around talking about pants and trophies and what car you drive or what you're going to have for lunch what we're in outer space and even we're other than that we're in this knowing space where we are a mystery what we are as a mystery and and we just go like oh who do you like on Instagram

or who did you vote for this or that let's let's bring it down let's reduce it down to the death the thing that we all have in common that we're here we are we're aware we're present and if we're being honest we're kind of confused this is an all-time or girl this is an all-time

“remember when I introduced him I told you that there was a depth there by the way here's what's”

so great about him you'll get all of that and then you'll get a joke like do you ever have to poop so bad you piece of it they're like you're going to get them both you guys you're going to get them both like I'm just telling you that you have my permission by the way you can say that you're ever in a tight spot you say it get the laugh and go that's a peat home joke you have my blessing because that is one of the best loaded guns I've had in my back pocket all-time or brother

all-time podcasts too like I'm happy back on like you know what when it so comes out or something come back on and by the way you can go see him on the road how do they find out where you're playing on these one weekends a month Pete Holmes I I know I said I'm not on social media but that that just means I approve what's on my social media so you can follow me there at Pete Holmes on all of them and PeteHomes.com is my tour dates and I will have a special coming out in February on YouTube

okay I'm very excited about go check him out bro I enjoyed today a lot I'm going to come out too I'm going to find you on the road somewhere I'm going to come see you please do please like and everybody max out your life share today's episode I know you will God bless you