Don’t Let Your Emotions Drive Your Financial Choices

Normal is broken common sense is weird, so we're here to help you transform your life

from the Ramsey Network and the Fair Wins Credit Union Studio. This is the Ramsey Show. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloni, Ramsey personality, number one best selling offer host with Dr. John Deloni Show, my co-host today. Open phones here at AAA, 825-5225, Jackson, New York.

Hi, Jack. How are you? I'm doing very well. How are you, Dave? Better than I deserve.

How can we help today? Oh, hope you can help me. My mother after dad died went on a series of cruises and as you may or may not know on cruise ships, they have art auctions, so we're basically buying overpriced art after you've had a few drinks and everything.

And my mother on a series of six cruises spent $1.1 million on cruise ship art.

You can't get into our house through so much cruise ship art in the bedrooms and everything. My brother and I are trying to sell it at auctions and stuff, but we're only getting 10 cents or 20 cents on the dollar and you know, you good folks have seen it all, I thought maybe you could give me a suggestion or something. This is a new one for me, Jack.

Well done, brother. Wow. Wow. That's a... Wow.

That's disturbing. Yeah. So, how many cruises?

“I believe six or seven cruises that you kept it from the family.”

I mean, like you, you guys didn't go inside of our house for six or eight months. Oh, no, we would go in and we saw some art there, but she had it in the garage and after time went on, it got worse and worse. So we did see some of it when we went into our house and we said, "Okay, mom's spending five or six grand.

She's worth a lot of money once I have a little fun." And then she just kept doing it and we kept trying to get her to stop, but she would just disappear and go on cruise ships and keep buying all this stuff. She is she broke now? Oh, good question.

She has... She's living comfortably as opposed to super comfortably. So she's getting by. She's not worried, worried, worried, worried next meal's coming from, but the little extra is that's where she's struggling with.

Yeah, we're not, there's not another million dollars to buy art with.

No, thank goodness, no, there is not. Did she recognize she has a problem? She did towards the very end and we had no idea she was spending that kind of money. Again, we thought it's not good, it's floppy, but she saved all her life. She was a user-safety bag twice type of person and she just...

“I think she lived with her parents, got married to my father who would have squashed it”

in two seconds. How long after he passed, did this go on? It started me about, oh, I'd say a year and a half to two years after he died. So this was her wicked, weird way of grieving. Wow.

And I'm sorry, I've been on cruise ships, I've seen those art auctions, I've purchased precisely zero dollars in that stuff, I'm not an art critic, I don't know anything about art. Or what I know where to move it, you know, what I would do is this. Is she mentally incompetent or just was just dumb? I think she was just dumb, she was like, as long as I can help her.

Because otherwise, I mean, if she met with her medical doctor, he would say she was in her right mind, she was just grieving in a very inappropriate way. Well, she was remarried at the time, where do he go? But he just didn't do what he just didn't do anything, he's kind of, he's kind of not the type of guy that would tell her what to do, and keep in mind, that was her money.

My father was there money to go through. Yeah, I got that. I got that. I mean, if you love somebody and they're sitting on something stupid, you stand between them and stupid, but Bozo has no backbone.

“All right, the only thing I, the pops into my head and I have no idea is if I were you”

guys, I would get in touch with the cruise line and try to work your way into the publicity side of the cruise line or the customer service set of the cruise line and say, you know,

Yeah, I think so, but it's the same company.

Yeah, and I would say here's what's happened on the line.

So we have a widow here that you all accidentally took extreme advantage of. We're not saying there was malicious intent on the part of the cruise, but the cruise just took a million dollars from her for art that's not worth a million dollars. And we're going to ask you to buy it back and put it on the cruise ship and resell it and make your money back as a PR decision.

Okay, because you don't really want me telling the whole world on social media that your cruise line took a million dollars from a widow. And I'm getting ready to pay.

“And I honestly don't think you guys did it on purpose, but I do think you need to do something”

about it because you should have had some kind of checks and balances in place because you've got widows and old people cruising with you every day and if you guys are taking advantage of the other people at this level, even if you don't mean to, you should stop it. It's wrong.

So like if my company had done this accidentally, we would probably consider at least at some percentage, 50% or something, taking the inventory back in and trying to help the lady out because obviously she's out of control and we were contributing, not knowing it, but we were contributing if my company did that. Or one thing about our companies, we want people to be better off after they've been with

us than before. And if we find out somebody was expedientially worse off, right? Yeah, we would try to help fix that, but I do honestly, I, you know, it's not like it's a gambling thing. So if it's a gambling thing and your name shows up on the watch list of the problem

gambler, they shut you down and keep you from gambling.

“But they don't have that for art options, especially on cruise ships, right?”

So there's no way there's no database to that they should have been accessing to protect them. I mean, it's just a customer, they got millions of customers, and this customer just liked art. And so our cruise ship art, in particular, but also wasn't well or healthy at the time.

Yeah. I'm going to ask for some mercy from the, and that's it. Some mercy. Yeah. And I'm not going to do it with accusing you guys of having done something wrong, but

I'm going to say the net result is you caused something wrong to happen, and we're going to ask for some help. Yeah. The, if she, it's a new wrinkle that she's remarried, if she wasn't married, I would jack.

I would, I would get with you and your siblings and sit down with mom and say, we would like to take ownership of your finances. We want to help out from here on out, and we'll make sure you got a roof over your head. We'll make sure this money is managed. Well, it's complicated now that she's got a new spouse that they may want to co-manage

that together or whatever, but I was sitting down and at least offer the help you can.

I've never, I mean, I've heard, I've never heard this one.

I've seen hundreds of thousands of dollars on shopping network, so seeing that you're sitting lonely, and just keep calling so they can talk to somebody and buying whatever stuff. They got a basement full of stuff they don't need. I've seen that multiple times over the years. The art auction on the cruise ship, this is the first one, 35 years.

You got to have a new one every day. You know, when I became a dad, something flipped. Suddenly, it wasn't just about me and my wife anymore. It was what happens to my family if I'm not here tomorrow. And things like that just hit different when you become a parent.

But I'll be honest, making a will feels heavy and complicated, and it's not exactly what I want to be doing with my time off. But here's the deal. Being a parent means doing the hard stuff, especially stuff that protects your family.

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Hi, Heidi. How are you? Hi. Doing well.

Thank you for taking our call.

Sure. What's up?

“Well, we are done with baby steps one, two, and six, and we've been now at those for more”

than four years now, plus we have about three months saved for an emergency trying. But for the last four years, we've been stuck and not able to save it all. And don't really see any possibilities of moving on to steps four. And our kids are out of the house, which is at least eight nine years away. We don't have a payment in the world.

No. And your stuck? Yes, sir. Where's all the money going? Well, we don't have a mortgage, but you can call paying for our two kids private school

a mortgage because it is almost a fourth of our take on pay.

Well, that's where it is.

Yeah, that's where that is. I mean. You're a household income. Monthly? And you're leaving monthly.

I don't care. Well, annually, we have about just about $100,000. And $25,000 is going to private schools, which leaves $75,000 with no payments. Correct. Good and light and property taxes.

Yeah. And a lot of gas. We live about 35 minutes from anything. So we spend a lot of money. Not that much gas.

There's not $70,000 worth of gas.

Yeah. Where is it going for real? Do you all budget it out? Yes, sir. We do.

We did the SPU about 10 years ago. And so we're not using the app, but I do on our computer a monthly budget. And we pretty much stick to it besides we have had some medical bills that we've had to pay. And yes, I would say, probably over $500, $600 a month, probably more than that, we're paying towards medical things in the world.

I am. I have a line and also my husband, we've had all kinds of things. He had to have surgery and missed out on two months of work this year. So that's this year. Tell me about the private schools, because $25,000 for two private school tuition, either

that's very inexpensive private schools or that's not the real number. Is it more than 25,000 a year? Well, we have a partial tuition grant, so right now we're paying about, when I said a quarter of our take home pay besides whatever's taken out of the paycheck, which includes some dent on that kind of thing, but we're paying right now $1,400 a month for both of the girls

to go. And you have, but because you've got some kind of a subsidy, is that what you're saying? Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir. Okay.

We have a little bit of a grant. Just that the math isn't math and for me, and it may be me, but I can't make the numbers work.

“$100,000 is $8,300 a month, so you should be taking home, right around $7,000, $6,500”

to $7,000, not counting health insurance and not counting for okay. Are you putting money in 401(k). No, sir, we're not, we're $100,000. What are you getting home with, $6,500, $7,000? About $6,600.

Okay. Good guest, Dave. And so, minus $1,400, right? Yes, sir. Minus food and lights and car gasoline for a 35-mile drive.

So let's say that's $2,000 a month. There's still thousands of dollars missing in this discussion. Well, I can give you some of our biggest line item. You know, we do tie every month. We've got our, we set aside for property taxes.

We've got our, we do a medical need sharing ministry, which is, that's about $800 a month.

“So you did your not purchasing health insurance at work then?”

Correct. Okay. All right. No problem with any of that. Let's still didn't get you there.

Yeah. Well, we can add in some of our other items. Like you said, electricity, homeowners insurance, internet, phone, like I said,

I'm looking down our budget to see some of our bigger line items.

I mentioned the medical staff.

“Why, why have you, I'm not, I'm not debating it, but since the largest item in the budget”

so far is still what you started with and that, what you led with and that's private schools. Why have you made the decision for private schools? We really enjoy and value the education that our girls are getting at the school where they go.

And I totally support that because they each not earn $700 a month. Well, they're nine and 13. So. Oh, I thought you said the kids were out of the house. I'm sorry.

Oh, no, no. I said that. So you value the education, the quality of the education or the content of the education. Both.

Both at the very good school and we see the way the seniors turn out when they leave the school and they have a really good purchase of the senior there.

“So the thing you have to own is you're making a values based decision on we want our kids”

to maybe look like this kind of senior someday and we want to have no retirement and we want to have no savings. I mean, at some point, there's a math problem and it's a very uncomfortable decision to look at, hey, we don't want to buy insurance through our business, we want to do this ministry sharing program.

Okay, that's a choice you can make all of these things here are choices. We want to drive an F 250 instead of a Prius, like all these things are choices. We want to live way out in the country and because we like that life instead of selling our house and maybe moving closer to the town, all of these things at some point, medical not a choice, food, it sounds like it's not a choice, you'll aren't extravagant.

But these other things are choice and I'm still not finding it all. I'm not either. But you have to balance. We're choosing this over this. I think Dave, one of the illusions is, I should be able to do everything I want, regardless

of how much money I've gotten for it, and it's just not the way it works. It's just not, it's just not, I say this can all of the great things. I'm not going to imagine where she would be if they had two car payments, a student loan and a master car payment, like most people. Correct, yeah.

They would be bankrupt. Yeah, they'd be over. It'd be over. And they make a $100,000 a year. Right.

See, that's what they didn't compute. Yeah. There's something off.

“So yeah, I think you guys are making choices, but there's also some kind of a mystery here”

in the budget. I would want you to sit down with your spouse and the two of you look at this budget. Very, very carefully and say, okay, we're starting with $8333 a month, that's $100,000 a year minus taxes. We get home with $6600 and then after we pay property tax and lights and water and food

and transportation, here's what we have left and here's what we're choosing to do with

what we have left and is that what we want to choose? Is that what we're going to choose? And that's what you've got to decide. So I don't hear extravagance now. I just can't fill up all the $1,000 holes I have in the math, while I'm working with

you here. I can't get there. That's $166,000 minus $1,400 minus property tax is minus food and lights and water and minus $800 minus a tie of $660 and so maybe you're typing on the gross $83 and $80 and $30,000. Okay, either one.

Still not there. I'm still not down to zero and I don't hear massive amounts of waste or something. I just don't know what it's going to and usually when I'm having these discussions, I can keep talking and all of a sudden $1,200 car payment appears and I know what's going on but I'm not I've not found that in this discussion so I can't I'm not I'm sorry

I wasn't able to be more help but that that's the thoughts I have on what you guys are facing Heidi. I would dig further into it and then as John said consciously make the choices it says there's a thing called opportunity cost on money by choosing to do a, I am simultaneously choosing to not do B and C and own that choice yeah it's not happening to you it's

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Jordan is in Houston hey Jordan how are you doing well how are you guys doing better than I deserve how can we help work so my my my wife we got married a year and a half ago and her parents very generously paid for the wedding but a kind of a piece of fine print that I was

“unaware of when they offered to do that was that any dollar that we spent above”

what they had allotted we would go back to them and so and I was essentially uninvolved with the planning of the wedding and wasn't aware of that and so pretty quickly after we got married we got a bill sent to us for a few thousand dollars that you know they told us hey there's no interest on it pay it back when you can but as we're starting to we we we recently purchased a car in cash from a

member of my family which is kind of resurfaced this conversation with my wife of what's our plan for paying this off and her parents have had a lot

of conversations with her about it but never with me and so this is going to

ask for help how to move forward with this you said it was in the fine print so

“did your wife know she did know okay then pay it off stop the conversation”

today okay like you're it's costing you all mental calories it's going to cost you a relationship and like I consider all day and pontificate like man not that was not cool to get a bill from your but that was the that was the handshake agreement they made with their daughter how much is it yeah how much did your wife go over budget on your wedding a little over $4,000 okay and you

paid how much so far a few hundred and what's your household income $140,000 okay so write them a check today cool your wife made her parents a promise and lesson learned we don't do any deals that we don't both know about yeah ever particularly with your freaking parents who are Pharisees got it no more money deals with your parents on a ever word yeah

because this is this is awkward strange weird but she did the deal right the chat and it made me her parents are struggling and they stretched and did whatever and they're just weird four grand who sends a bill kid their kid for four grand I mean I know I'm trying to be generous I'm not I've done we've had three I'm getting married and the budgets were horrendous and they

stuck to their budgets we laid out the budget ahead of time we agreed to fund it and if it went over that they came out of their pocket with it we didn't come out of our pocket they didn't go over they stuck to the budget it was generous they had a great wedding with big parties we love doing it I love big parties I love weddings and babies and grandkids and all the things that

seriously and kids don't make a deal like this and not tell your spouse your fiance oh I promise my dad $40,000 back oops I forgot to tell you thank you God is only four right and you make 140 grand right the check today yeah

say sorry it took so long not worth it'll never happen again and it

I promise you'll never happen because we will do no more money deals or you

“people ever yes because you didn't bother to include me and you should have in”

that discussion that's the parent I saw in the parents you think so I think it's on the audience absolutely they should have included I promise you if I'm looking at Rachel Cruz going if you go over this you got to pay I'm going to look at Winston and say and no by the way it's she's going to be your problem that's fair it's going to be Yolts problem man up right I did tell

him that but it wasn't about money yeah Winston she's going to be your problem now he reminds me of that okay yes sometimes Winston's sitting on my front

portion he's like man it's my problem

I'm going to say doctor Deloni Randy's in Shreaf port what's up Randy doing good doing good how are you Dave better than I deserve what's up okay so giving out of that drop so I retired last year in March if age of 63 and my

“mother passed away in May of that same year and she grilled she”

wheeled her farm to me in my sister there are no other names within that wheel other than not sisters and men so now I'm just just beginning to get on some security she's been on those security for a long time and with the earnings cap and armor and everything else how do we can we secure the farm in a trust so that we don't get hit with capital gain tax are you going to sell

it well your basis in the property is its market value at the time your mother passed away one year ago okay so what was the farm where is the year okay okay so it's part of was reasonably repraised by the county now the county county what do you think what do you think the farm's early worth the county's a tax assessment that's not an actual value that's a just assessment

for taxes it's not not not not not an appraisal what do you think if you were going to put on the market what would you put on the market for probably around one layer okay was it worth more than a million last year when she passed probably not yeah probably wasn't it wasn't worth seven hundred thousand one up three hundred and one year right yeah that actually the praise of

went from three hundred thousand to seven hundred thousand in one year that's the tax assessment that's not the real estate market that is not a real appraisal hear me okay your tax assessor does not give you accurate values

“Zillode does not give you accurate values you have to get an actual appraisal”

on the property and and you could do that based on a year ago so here's the

thing let's pretend for a second that the farm a year ago was worth a million

dollars and the farm today is worth a million dollars and you sell it for a million dollars you have zero taxes you've had no gain because your basis in the property for purposes of calculating capital gains and the gain is over the the amount over the basis your basis is the value the market value not the tax assessor not Zillode the real appraisal at the time of death and it's only

been one year and it's a farm in Louisiana it's probably not gone up in value hardly at all in one year maybe a little bit but not much and if it did it's probably going to get eaten up with Zillode and selling cost anyway so you need to see your tax professional and if you don't have one just go to Ramsysolutions.com and what I would do is sell it and I would claim that it

was sold for market value in the Resurow game if you're ever audited you'd have to go back and have an appraisal done at the time of death and compare that to the actual sale price to prove that there was no actual gain but I don't think you're having a gain if you had a hundred thousand dollars gain it's only fifteen thousand dollars for the taxes not that big a day and I this is

new to me I'm glad you're you're teaching me this so if she had sold that farm right before she passed she would have had to pay taxes capital gains on all the growth from which she got it exactly but if she held on to and passed it it's step it's called a step-up basis okay so you you when you inherit a capital asset stock property anything else the the the basis goes

basis and if so if you sell a stock you know you that grandpa left me a

“million dollars next on stock and he had only twenty thousand dollars in it you”

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weird debit card go to fair winds dot org slash Ramsey to learn more and make the switch today that's fair winds dot org slash Ramsey insured by the NCUA Jane is in North Carolina how Jane how are you? well let's try again hey Jane how are you? I'm doing good hi what's up hey so my question today is how do you decide when

it's worth spending money to improve your quality of life or sustain in a situation that helps you reach your financial goals faster um so my boyfriend and I are credit debt for credit card debt free been working on that for a while and now we're trying to save for our future and we currently live at his mother's beach house um originally we were supposed to stay there for free while we paid off that and saved but his father

passed away and we started paying the mortgage instead um the payments pretty reasonable

we could probably pay about the same to rent elsewhere but the problem is is it's a

revolving door it's constant family is coming down to visit it does not feel like home and I'm over it um so to move out to a rental we'd have to spend thousands on deposits moving costs which feels like setting our goals back but so financially it's harder to save but emotionally I want out you sound like someone that's married but you're not yeah yeah and we're we're talking marriage it's it's really tough um we've been in a very like debt

I'd hang off that mindset yeah we don't need to be doing anything we aren't married yeah yeah like this is a weird thing you've locked yourself in a cage but the lock is on the inside

“yeah like we we don't need to be paying off that you need to be paying off your debt”

he needs to be paying off his debt and you don't need to be putting up with his family and his drama and hit like you you give him say we aren't married you have a roommate yeah and his family and his family completely all the 10 morally you have a roommate yeah yeah but okay and I I agree and you know we're we're moving towards marriage it's just it's hard to it's hard to even comprehend a wedding or like a ring or anything when we've been like you know we just paid off

$30,000 in debt and we have our $1,000 saved which just we don't you don't understand honey you're not married you don't have anything here's the other side of that you have a bought you have a a you're paying off debt with your roommate you are so vulnerable and so unaware of how vulnerable you are in this situation that's it he just pulls up stakes and leaves you know what you are

or babe yeah get out and you're screwed you've been paying off his credit card debt calling it we you know we you've been paying down his family's beach house mortgage now you have nothing so he so okay and this is the way we set it up so he pays for all of our living expenses including the mortgage and all of that and I pay the debt you listed his debt you pay in your roommate's debt

“while he pays his mother's mortgage you are so exposed right now that's what I'm trying to say”

like you're really in the very country and you really think I've lost my mind when you have well what do you recommend to that I do I recommend y'all quit acting like a we unless you get married this weekend I'm dead serious you are so vulnerable honey you're scaring me to death for you if you were my niece I'd come get you out of that house and tell you to put bozo on the street till he puts a ring on it you are so vulnerable you think how much money of his debt have you paid off

well I'd say we were about like 50 50 we had about 30 thousand like 15 of you know rough numbers 15 of that being mine 15 of that being hidden he puts you on the street you know what you get nut and honey zero yeah zero you catch and this is this was vulnerable and in listen

Dave and I would not have jobs if everyone's magical plans always worked out

yeah you know I mean and so I don't want to wish y'all ill I hope it all works out I hope he marriage you this weekend that'd be awesome but I only have a job because it never works out like that or that's not true it it sometimes does but it often doesn't well yeah all the times that it doesn't is why we get to do what we do which is sad for us yeah and people that we love like you

“we we we're scared for you and so yeah so what you all need to do is you need to have different”

housing arrangements and you need to separate everything in your lives until you're married because you're completely vulnerable so you think I should remove out like yes yeah here's why you started this call by saying I can't do this anymore yeah and guess what he didn't call you did yeah like you calling and telling two guys you care about you hey I'm not okay and the man who says I want to spend my life with you will just do it later doesn't have that same care for you

that's a flag for me that's a big red flag for me yeah and you know so even if you're going to shack up folks keep everything separate don't sign leases together don't buy cars together don't pay each other's bills I mean just decide who's gonna buy the mustard that's it you know okay the lunch meets mine the mustard jurors will share that okay but I mean

“but everything you know do not get all these deals together because the number of times someone has”

called in here and said oh well you know I can't find my old boyfriend that I used to live with after I bought him a car and I'm on the note and I'm the notes in my name and the cars in my name but I can't find him or the car where I paid off all of his debt and then he left me how do I get that money back I got pregnant and he didn't like that so he left me with a kid oh that one we get all the time right yeah you are so vulnerable yeah y'all are just acting like you're married you're not married

and but so legally and relationally you're not prepared to be married but you're paying his debt I mean this when you just say this out loud it sounds cray cray right and and to answer your bigger question multiple times and me and my wife working to get out of debt we took steps backwards

for not debt wise but we did say hey we need to move to this place and here's what that cost is

going to be and here's what the ROI on that move is going to be we did actually do that twice and so I didn't see that as a step back I took that a cell that is a necessary move to get us where we wanted to go right so sometimes that's part of it yeah so this the speed chested if you were married and you call to the exact same call the speed chest didn't turn out like as promised yeah because sadly he lost his dad yeah and so now your mom your mother and law your future

mother and law maybe uh is in trouble and probably needs to sell the beach house right because you guys aren't gonna pay the payment anymore and um and so she's gonna have to and and then all the other people are coming and visiting all the time we're gonna have to and all that stuff but yeah the deal changed and so the deal changed deal changed yeah so I had a roommate and college

name Jeff we're friends to this day I talked to him last weekend um I never paid any of his debt

no and I like Jeff yeah he's a good guy I mean I'm still like 40 years later we still talk I like Jeff

on your uh 40th anniversary of total money makeovers we had new chapter called don't pay Jeff's debt that's it that's good what we're gonna call it and poor Jeff's gonna get thrown out of the bus but I'll call him and tell him to watch for the bus it's coming yeah boom boom yeah so uh bus tracks I had friends in roommates and college that helped me out when I was in a hard spot who might cover the rent for a few months who might be like dude I'll don't have me back for dinner tonight

that's called being a friend but we never got into hey dude I'm gonna buy you a car and I'll

spit my name on the note but you drive it just penny back later and you pay the rent and I'll pay for your car yeah yeah I don't we don't have those discussions with your roommate

“because you're vulnerable that's why but when you're married the law says everything is combined”

and morally legally spiritually everything's combined it's ours we we we we we we we we we but when you're not married there's no we we yeah that's not yeah it's not happening you're not French it's not we we it's not French okay you're not married so you guys are getting yourselves in so much trouble all of you out here doing this and I know I'm pissing all of you off because you're always right

all these eight male do me now can be I need to be married well then don't listen to the show

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or go to zander.com for a quick and easy quote that's zander.com welcome back to the ramsie show in the fair winds credit union studio Dr John Deloni ramsie personality is my co-host Karen is with us in Orlando hi Karen how are you hey I'm great thank you for taking my call i'm just gonna dive right in my mom then in school nursing and she's going to need to go into a nursing home and she doesn't have any assets other than a fully paid for home i'm working

looking at attorney for Medicaid eligibility and it's more of a certain types of property are not counted towards Medicaid eligibility including her home and attorneys have some really unique creative options to protect that asset my mom has asked me not to let the system take her money and I should do what is best for myself has been in little boys and at the same time she doesn't have an opinion on what avenue to do for her her assets i would love to hear your perspective on

if i should sell her home to pay for her care or do what she asks which is Medicaid and I use the asset to do it as best for my family and then if a lot or i'm not really sure what

“would be best from our ramsie perspective well you need to understand that Medicaid is welfare”

yes it is nursing home in this case provided by the welfare system for people that are poor and if you go visit a Medicaid provided nursing home and you go visit a different nursing home that you might buy with cash you will see a different experience just like if you go visit subsidized housing in welfare or you go visit a private residence you will experience something different right

this is the DMV of nursing homes and so if you can't do anything but be on the street and it's the only way she can get care

her at a higher quality of care okay even even if it goes against what she's told me to do

well she's she's under the illusion that the system is taking her money it's not if you go to a restaurant and you buy meal and you give them money the system didn't take your money if you go to a nursing home and you give them money to take care of you the system didn't take your money you bought a service the system and she's also under the illusion that her quality of care at Medicaid is the same level as it is in private care and it's just not

“it's the difference in welfare or not and so if you go visit these nursing homes i think you'll”

come to the same conclusion okay okay got it how much is the house right the house is worth

about after realtor and closing these will show net about 250,000 okay and it's not going to go a lot away how's her health even half well she's 75 though she's in average health her challenges and mobility so she'd probably outlive that okay is this all she has yeah this is all she has yeah so you know the average nursing home stay once someone goes into full care is two and a half years that's the average which means that some go longer and some go less obviously

right and so a lot of people are there six months and they're gone but but it's also in that case their last stop and their health was already on the decline more than hers you that brings the

“average down you follow me so you know you probably have a three or a four year exposure”

something like that and and so that means you've got a maximum of a 70,000 dollar spend per year I understand yeah so go go shopping and look at this the good news is you're in Florida and there is a wide array of options yeah it's on the server well make sure it's in need of full time live in care yes where she is at right now there she needs two people to assist with even transferring from a bed to a wheelchair or from a wheelchair to the toilet yeah yeah so it's interesting that

somehow and this is just something for you to consider philosophically and you can mix this in the bucket with my answer but somehow in your mom's mind and in a lot of people's mind in America that the nursing home when I go into a nursing home they steal my money like it's the system took my money was the phrase your mom used don't let the system take it all as if nursing home care would just appear at the end of a rainbow somehow magically

without paying for it you know and so it's you know it's it's like any other service if you want your car to be worked on you pay them a can it if you want someone to provide care in your home or you know clean your home for you your your your made service you pay them and um but the and no one looks at those people and says the system took my money but if you're on a nursing home you're evil and you're taking old people's money Dave I this is just a just alony

I have a nagging fear in my spirit I'm hearing more of these calls where there is this reckoning happening I'm 71 I'm 72 I'm 81 and I'm staring down the barrel of 10 years 20 years to go and I got nowhere to live or in this case I've got family members who they don't want me to move into their back bedroom but there's none of their option each either that or a rather we use up to $50,000 for that yeah which we're going to yeah but it's it's a it's a I just thought this

would thing would happen and it's not well it's it's um you know yeah if you got a million

dollars or mutual fund also the problem goes away otherwise it's what you're saying because you've been investing in your 401k for the last 25 years for this exact moment yeah just so that you can retire and not have to have your daughter have this heart wrenching decision okay is am I going

“to burn through the 250 and she still alive that's what's running through a mind right now absolutely”

and so you know and so if I if I do 70 a year I got three and a half years yeah and then we got to look at what we're going to do now you may have to go to Medicaid because you're broke but um that that's what I would do and so yeah you're right the um if you're 22 and you're listening to this

in in these situations you know we've gone so far I never even thought about it that much

“because in in our world it's almost like assumed that at some point you're going to spend”

some time in a nursing home you know you kind of think about that and I never thought about it one way the other you know but now that I'm getting old it's starting to come to me you know I'm at 65 so what do I do and so Sharon I will just figure it out we don't have to go it's higher than bringing my god I got a power money yeah so I'm just going to hire like a medical butler live with me move in the spare bedroom I got spare bedroom I got already got one of those beds that

links up you know so that's just for the snoring but the you know I mean so all I got to do is have a really like a 24 hour schedule and have a nurse and so if Sharon's out of it I'm just going to put somebody in the house and take care of her and I'll be there too but um I don't have to care for by myself and lift her when I'm not able or vice versa you know that kind of stuff I don't deal with all that I'll just hire somebody just put a buller in there we'll just turn the place into down nabby you know

and um bring a little bell you know I mean why not it's she it's actually gonna I've actually run the budget I think she's cheaper than a nursing home yeah and I can buy a medical equipment too you can buy it it's for sale I mean what do I need just put me one of those little drip things in there I put it in there you know you can just sell it if you pass a currency house into a little nursing home

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Today's question comes from Carissa in Washington. Carissa writes, "My husband and I have been married for 10 years. I earn $90,000 a year and he makes about $50,000 a year. We have joint bank accounts and we owe less than 220 grand on our mortgage. I want to put our extra money into a savings account to prepare for a future family but he spends thousands of dollars each month on fast food. He has a binge eating disorder and ADHD. If we can't agree on a food budget and he's unable

to make changes regarding how much he spends on eating out, is this justification for splitting up our bank accounts? I love him dearly but fear that contributing my paycheck towards his eating out every meal enables him to make poor choices and takes away from planning for our future." I guess where I would start with this is the word she writes. He is unable to make changes. That's where I would pause and I would say he's unable or unwilling to go get the help he needs

to make the changes and that to me is the big red flag. But yeah if you have somebody in your family who is for any number of reasons is out of control putting your family at risk or harm

“yes you have to protect yourself and protect your family. But that's because that's not because”

we're going to separate the accounts so I can act like this doesn't happen. No. No it's separating

protect each other. By the way if he truly has has disorders and emotional or psychological

“dysregulation and he you say can't control himself but is unwilling to go do the work he”

he needs to do he's going to start racking up that it's going to it's you taking the money away is not just going to stop this problem there'll be other ways he's going to go get it unless he goes and gets the help that he needs that's the real question here is separating your accounts to not deal with your husband's problems is not a plan or to try to get him to do something different yeah no instead deal with the problems right I I'm going to force you to deal with these

problems it's a condition of us staying together right because you can't continue to do cocaine and be my husband yeah in this case I'm not going to watch my husband I can't sit and watch you die yeah and so I love you enough to say let's go invest in the help you need but yeah you've got to keep yourself safe and you got to help him have an opportunity to make choices okay I got to be honest and and you you can call me out on this for a lot my lack of compassion okay correct

but I I do believe that there are binge eating disorders yep I'm positive if that occurs you

this is the first time I've ever heard of a binge eating fast food disorder yeah I don't

I'm calling BS yeah yeah um I'm calling oh boy wants to go buy and get him some chick filet every freaking day every morning and every afternoon and on the way home and a big slurper whatever he's getting and he just refuses to stop doing whatever the flip he wants to do and she's calling it a disorder maybe that's my name maybe you know binging disorders very very real 100% oh a pletely real um binge eating fast food disorder that's a nuance I've not run into

yeah that that I'll give her the benefit of she may have just said this is where he spends a thousands of dollars but thousands yeah it's a lot of money it's a lot of chick filet yeah it's a lot a lot a lot of fast food a lot of Jesus chicken yeah all right I can't get I mean it's expensive but I can't and and Chris I like talking about a big if you're talking about thousands plural of dollars on um cheap inexpensive process food I I would sit down and want to know

I would I'd want to detail accounting of the money because this makes me wonder if there's other stuff going on something else is happening there are other things going on see if other struggles is he struggled with other directions that you don't know about um that's a ton of money a lot of money yeah I mean yeah I come out there I mean I don't go to fast food but I come out I do go chick filet but I mean it's it's come out they're going wow there's a lot

and I went to the new one over here what's the burger place and they're out yeah they just move their uh headquarters across across the road from us over here and say oh they've got one of their stops over so I went over and got one of those because they're like famous for y'all you kind of want your people to freak it out it's so good it is good but I can't imagine spending

“thousands yeah it's a lot a thousands with an S yeah yeah that's um you must be as big as a house”

stop why why how could you eat that much and not get that big well that's what she's saying okay I don't know okay this is um yeah I got told you I don't know anything about this it's just feels weird all right so either either way yes but either you're overstating this disorder and it's just in maturity and an old boy doing whatever he wants to do is bowing up yeah or he's actually got all of these disorder things going on and that's very possible we're not saying

that's not happening it's just I never run into this one um but either way you got to deal with him

and the way to deal with him is to help him and not to segregate the money off and hope that's going to fix it correct because you if you push somebody that's in your home and in your life over to the side they're going to deteriorate and they're already struggling with they're not going to get better no yeah yeah because if they could get better they would have already gotten better by themselves that's what he he's got to get the help he needs exactly yeah exactly all right

buck is in Nashville hi buck how are you hey Dave I I am 22 years old you just on the last call you said if you're 22 listen up so there's no need to say that but I am in the note I'm in the military I'm deploying and my wife has decided she'd like to go to grad school in Europe

“and I think it's a great idea and I just want to get your ideas on the best way for us to pay for it”

you're not deploying to Europe I take it no I she's not going with me I'm deploying to not Europe I a recently buck I decided that I want to get a thousand acre hunting ranch for me and my friends

I do have enough money I just want to see the best way to where to pull the money from okay

how much will grad school in Europe cost it's thirty thousand dollars okay and what is she studying it'll be diplomacy from a very high caliber university okay what is she want to work for the state department yeah okay all right and to be able to say you graduated with your masters from Cambridge or whatever is a big deal okay I'm with you I made that up you didn't say that but the all right and so you have the thirty thousand dollars yes so I just graduated college last year

I have a hundred and thirty and a broker to count okay I'll show you right I can pay for it and then what

“yes I could so I also have a car that's worth twenty five thousand I own it and I think we might just”

sell it since we're both going to be gone we don't need it okay that'd be okay and then my my Roth has been max for the last five years no we don't need to touch that we have the money between the car and the breakfast account to pay for this easily so she's going to be in a grand school how long one year and you're going to be deployed how long 12 months where can you say no I can okay and I'll be my paycheck will be for the next 12 months it'll be a hundred thousand dollars

on tax okay combat zone okay yeah I mean that's pretty cut and dry what what's the question you have the money she wants to do it you're going to separate it anyway she this is her desire

“and apparently has value it adds value to do it there according to her and I don't doubt that actually”

the way you're describing it why would what's the question I guess is it it's smart to pull money from a brokerage that is made almost 30% per year the last past decade for that what's your other option I guess I have the car to sell yeah sell it you sell anyway all right the castle I could just cash for it either all of that's okay yeah anything's okay you over thinking it but before you borrow any money we definitely cash out brokerage car any of that's fine hey guys healthcare is one of the

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in Tampa hi Matthew how are you hey I'm doing all right how are you guys doing better than we deserve what's up so I'll just give right to it somewhat recently my wife informed me that we would

kind of came out of the blue for me she has been kind of unhappy for some time and we've gone

“back and forth trying to figure it out and I really thought that we did have to figure it out”

you know checking in to make sure if we need to go back to a counselor this that the other

enter was always know and then one day it's just say I'm uh I'm done wow okay sorry

I heard what I'm sorry that hurts um yeah what so how can we help today so my question is um when we first got married we purchased a house with cash using inheritance of hers um now that things are kind of coming to a close I'm trying to understand what the kind of moral settlement to ask for would be considering I didn't contribute financially to the the house itself now every bill since everything I've covered she hasn't she hasn't worked for some

“years now she's been going to school and I've supported her through that but I just basically because of the”

method that we used to buy the house I'm just curious what's the most honoring way to her myself and God for me to proceed as we try to figure out a settlement uh in a lot of states they will return her inheritance to her and this split the overage with you and that would be fairly normal so what'd you pay for the house when you bought it uh 500 originally okay so she'd get to 500 back and then what will it sell for now probably 740 okay and so there's 240,000 so 120,000 each

minus expenses would be right that would be normal I I did have a consult with an attorney who said

that you know the remainder of her inheritance um would be entirely blocked off I would never dream

of going for that anyhow um but it um but she said that the house having been both of our names the entire time it would um that would be an even split okay all right I guess that's some states I don't know Florida now you know but that's you know the if and you also you also didn't ask what the legal was you asked what the moral thing was I would if it's me I would return to her what she brought in and whatever you spent on her schooling or her sitting on the couch watching

Oprah um all these years or whatever that's just part of being married that didn't work um so I personally I'd take 120 out of the house that her take 120 out of the house and her 500 goes back to her if it was me and and if she's got other inheritance money laying over the side that lawyers already said that's going to her anyway um and in return though like if you got a big 401k um I have about 95,000 yeah I would ask that she leave that alone of course but she

didn't have to about law but um but um but if the attorney says by law in Florida you're do half of this 500 portion on the house then obviously you've got some negotiating points right

sure but you know I would never dream of going for half of the value of the house um you know

“kind of like I wouldn't unless she went for half of my 401k of course okay that's what I”

mean I'm negotiating I hear what you're saying so I'll give you your 500 back and half of the value above that you leave my 401k alone how leave your balance of your inheritance alone and we go on our way is that work um and you know that that makes a lot of sense and that was my initial gut reaction um essentially the the hold-up was you know based on her decision do I need to move towns is that fair but I hear what you're saying Dave I let me throw some out I'm trying to think

if she called me and ask me the same question I think I would have a different response to her which is hey you're you're bailing on your husband when y'all got together like y'all's money bought this how like yes you brought this money into to the marriage but you y'all bought a house but both your names on it I don't know I don't have the same hang up I guess oh I got a hang up about it you just asked me what you know what you know the way you pose the question I heard in the words

I'm trying to be gracious and I'm trying to be thoughtful she brought this money in what would be fair what would be moral is what you ask not what's legal not what's hard

this doesn't sound like it's a extremely contentious um it I'm just not that sort of person

okay are you saying it is contentious but you're just not being contentious um there certainly have been some contentious conversations regarding the money itself um I just refuse to take part in that okay well I mean we obviously based on the law if we want to dance you could go after that half and she could go out half of that 500 and she could go after half of your 401k more and that's you know because it's a balance sheet issue at that point everything's on the

table and your attorneys telling you her her other inheritance is off the table okay that's fine then I'm going to go after half in order to get my 401k released and if we got a dance

“well dance but if you want to just say what would what could we end up with it would feel fair that”

feels fair it's not killing me if you end up splitting on the house I'm not dying over right but it you know it wasn't money you brought to the table and I wouldn't take half of it as an offset for her having been at home or going to school while you were married that's just part of you were being married and it married you didn't work so I'm that's just off that's just you know you're not we're not splitting the food cost you provided all the food too yes she wasn't working

you know you provide the gasoline for all the cars for five years or six years but she because she wasn't working but that's not that you know I think that's just part of being married and that

that's watered down the drain and I always tell folks in the situation to also calculate and this

is not a quantitative number so much as calculate a soul tax like if this woman's broken your heart over and over again and you thought things were great she led you to believe they're great and she sat down and said I'm I quit I'm leaving um part of me would say I got a good job I've got a good life I I want nothing more to do with you then and leave me my retirement I'm out here have a good life and I part of you there's a soul tax too there's a cost to your spirit for fighting for this

stuff yeah but if she wants the house she's got to write me a hundred and twenty thousand are check and leave my 401k alone yeah or we're gonna sell the house and you get five hundred plus one twenty I get one twenty eighty leave my 401k alone you go um or I'll come after all of it and make you leave my 401k alone you know so that I can be nice to you yeah this is you know yeah if you if we have to dance I can punch to make you dance but I don't want to that's not

“what I'm trying to do here because I'm not contentious yeah I like that that's good I think it's”

solid um but here the thing that's hard to remember and Matthew you're doing a pretty good job

at it for you folks out there when there's a divorce there's always a high emotion always a drama

always all this stuff but when it comes to the financial part of the transaction of a divorce a divorce turns your about your life into a business transaction you're just gonna sit down and go one for you one for me one for you one for you one for you two for me one for you three for me five for the kids six for the marriage whatever's an element whatever yeah and there's just it's just just becomes a numbers transaction and then you got all the emotions and all the broken hearted

and the rage but just like business the more you let emotions get in business decisions the mess you're the get all right yeah when I started I had great ideas and I knew how to serve people but I didn't have systems in place yet at that time I saw books out the trunk of my car there's a lot harder to start a business back then Shopify makes it easier Shopify is the business platform powering millions of businesses and about 10% of all e-commerce in the United States if you've got a

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how can we help thank you so I worked for company a semiconductor company outside of Boston

and I bought their stock through employee stock purchase program and fast forward a little bit I got laid off about two years ago so I don't really have any emotional attachment to the company however since I worked for the company the stock's guy rocketed that's just kind of the nature of the stock market today my question is I'm asking what you would do to sell this stock off to minimize my capital gains taxes but also to diversify my portfolio a little bit

because it's made this the stock ownership has made up about 40% of my overall net worth yeah that's

dangerous we call we call a spreading the money around diversification I'm sure you've heard of that

and money's like manure it grows things when it's spread around left in one pile it stinks

“so that's what we're trying to do here we're trying to spread it around a bit because you've got too”

much risk associated with that one company it might go to the moon and it might go in the ditch and and as such 40% of your net worth does so that scares me if I'm you so yes I would begin divesting how you said you've been gone for two years yes okay so all of it is going to be on long-term capital gain correct and so do you what's the value of the portfolio of stock today the whole pile as of today it's about 170,000 cool good for you I'm so happy for you

and do you know what your basis is in it have you called and asked for them to calculate that yeah so every six months they would give you a different basis that you'd buy the stock at

and it ranges anywhere between $79 from when I first bought it to around $264 when I got laid off

so but the total basis in the total portfolio is a single number of all of those averages do you know what that is I just did a rough calculation if I were to estimate it's around $180 and there's how many shares 260 okay so 260 times one 80 is what

“that's okay so that's the thing so that's what I want to do is that and then the difference in that”

and 170,000 is your gain it's about 47,000 okay so we'll call it 50,000 because we don't know you can actually can call the company that's handling the stock so you've got that stock sitting somewhere right yes you can call them they'll tell you what the basis is or send them an email they'll send it to you okay because they've got it on file so anything over that basis is going to be taxed to 15% so if it's 50,000 is your basis then you've got a hundred and twenty thousand

or gain and so your taxes are going to be about 17,000 bucks okay that's how you do it 15% of your good okay and that's not a big deal so it give given that that's the number and it's probably going to be very close to that number okay because I think you're probably pretty close on your basis um and so given that the whole you know we can take a hundred and seventy thousand dollars out of a risky position for by paying 17,000 I'm paying the 17,000 straight up and I'm going to

cash it all in I'm gonna put it in mutual funds or put it on my debts or wherever I am in the baby steps and I'm going to get completely out of this stock yeah it's you know in the past three

“months the stock has pretty much tripled so if you want to play single stocks then I'm not sure”

guy it's that's it no it's it's a blackjack table dude you're like yeah but the last three hands of one you're right you didn't know I'm definitely the kind of person that puts my money into a mutual fund which I have separate from this single stock portfolio and you know it may triple again after you sell it but it might triple down if you don't if you don't sell it so I don't know what I'll do but a single stock is infinitely more risky than a mutual fund with ninety to two hundred stocks

in it because you spread your risk around and so on so I don't you know I didn't buy SpaceX

has been a wonderful stock but I don't buy single stocks I don't like the risk and so I've got

enough risk in my life without that so I'm good and if I make a little less than some of the guys that are players well so be it because I'm not a player I'm a guy that builds wealth there's a difference do you see a player I'm trying to get rich not not not impress somebody on the internet

“and so that that's the thing and so that that's what I buy I buy things in very predictable environments”

significantly boring and so I don't play single stocks you know the first the worst one I've ever had was a lady came into the for coaching thirty years ago when we first started doing counseling and coaching and she had just retired seventy years old and she worked for a huge company that we all know the name of and she had a hundred percent of her 401k and company stock and it was one point seven

million and at the high point and she retired and the stock went down hundreds of thousands of

dollars and four months because that company got in the tank they got in trouble and I mean and she was

“just I'll never forget just sitting there with her and she's seventy years old she's crying yeah”

when she had lost seven hundred thousand dollars in three months dude I had friends and family grown up in Houston that worked for that little company called Enron yeah and they woke up with zero yeah exactly and they were notorious for their incredibly generous stock buying program yeah all right it's just it's you know there are obviously good companies and we want to be in those but the way I'll be in them is with the whole batch of them not a singular thing I just don't do

karate kids stand on one leg and hope I can kick you know just not doing it and so it's that's what you're doing it's very dangerous and I I have had to learn this like just messing around like if if I go to Las Vegas and I have some silly fun at a table I can't get mad I can't I just have to hold loosely I'm playing with house money and if I could I could have made more great but I'm leaving with what I got and I'm happy with what I got and I'm gonna walk away so

if you do sell this brother which I hope you do today never look at the price again

you're only gonna make yourself nuts yeah you're gonna make yourself feel superior if it goes down you're gonna make yourself feel bananas about what I could have had the reality is here's what you have I'm gonna be grateful for the gain that it made it's awesome I got extra money and I'm good to go and it does remind us of your lesson we teach around here very often called some cost analysis yeah and that is if you had a hundred and seventy thousand dollars in the middle of the table stacked in cash and

“keep it you know that's what you're gonna do but you know I don't do that stuff and that's why”

you know why I'm okay I'm not counting on crypto or draft Kings to bring me through you know I'm gonna be okay I don't have swing for the fence on every swing I'm good with triples I'm good with singles I'm good with doubles a team that hits a single every time somebody goes up to play wins every world's here every single time every time I remember a football coach said that if I get four three three three yards on every play then we went every we went every game yep

hundred for sure it's boring now we'll win every game grounded and pound baby yeah , well come back to the Ramsey show and the fair wins credit union studio I'm Dave Ramsey your host thank you for joining us Dr. John Deloni Ramsey personality number one best selling author is my co-host today Derek's in Chicago hi Derek how are you

veterinarian we recently became debt-free by paying off over a hundred and twenty thousand dollars in

“student loans in the last eleven months why did it go yeah thank you thank you so we have aspirations”

of starting a veterinary clinic in the next one to three years cool and we'd love to just get your advice on what we should be doing now to prepare for starting this business excellent I love it way to go well I'm pretty sure you could do that for 120k and you did that in eleven months right yeah yeah okay but but let's break it down and think about how I would go about it from day one the thing I have learned in business are the three rules and the three rules are

it's gonna take twice as long as you think cost twice as much as you think and you're not the exception and and I run into that in inside Ramsey all the time with something we're doing

that's new and different that we've never done before it's it's harder than we thought

it's gonna cost more than we thought and it turns out we're not smart enough to beat that we got to go do it anyway so what I would do in your situation is I would first admit that what you think this is gonna look like when you actually open the clinic is wrong but we're gonna try anyway okay but be ready for some ideas you have about this and your wife has about how this is going to feel how it's gonna look the way the wallpaper's gonna be in the waiting room or whatever is going

to be different then she has it in her emotions so be prepared for your dream to be reformed and pruned as you go along it's it's almost like young people leave their parents house and they think they should buy a house the exact same size as their parents left you know what I mean yeah it's like hey I got it by you actually got by a 900 square foot starter house and over the

overtime growing to this amazing thing that you want so what I do it then with that in mind

“as I would lay down what I think my square footage is that I need what the location's gonna”

look like and I would start talking about what the rent is gonna look like to open the practice then I was start talking about the equipment and I've had a strong recommendation that you by slightly used equipment from the last veterinary and that didn't do a good job and went broke because they didn't do what we're talking about doing okay because 100% of the equipment she's gonna use and the equipment I'm using to speak into called a microphone right now is obsolete in 18

months after you buy it yeah and 18 month old technology item is a door stop there are no 30 year old x-ray machines except in third world countries okay you follow me so that the x-ray machine the MRI machine the thing she thinks it's gonna say puppies lives or whatever it is the and and some salesman with equipment is gonna get you so far off

kilter on what you've spent that you will never ROI so the rule we use on equipment purchases around

here is minimal functional functional minimal functional what what's the least that will get the job done and then we might go two notches above that we don't want the best and brightest we don't want the shiniest unless it's just two dollars or something but most of the best and brightest in your world is $200,000 and you're trying to save the life of a cat no okay no and so you just gotta be wise about your equipment purchases and and then look at your

staffing and so what's it gonna take us and how long's it gonna take us to get some business built up get some new clients and so forth and those are your costs are the number of days that you burn money into you make money that's cost one your setup is cost two your rent is cost three your staff is cost four and you lay those things down and then that's gonna tell you how much

“you need to save but I think you could probably get it I'm just wild guess I'm not a veterinarian”

I love veterinarians and we do a lot of work with them a bunch of them are being coached in on trade leadership but my guess is if you went minimal functional you can do a whole lot for 150 grand to get this thing off the ground yeah that seems pretty consistent with what I've seen can I ask you a question about how to save for this because we kind of we're kind of investing in our rough IRAs and doing some of us and through our work but should we stop our investing in

get there in three years but I think you might be able to do both okay based on the fact that you

paid off 111 months while putting nothing in retirement we need 150 but we got three years

“not 11 months okay so you know we probably can do both if you want to tighten the timeline up”

and say I want to be ready in one year and I want to save 150 grand and you want to put hold on push pause to get the business open and pay cash for it in one year that's fine I would not do that for three years okay I would not do zero investing for three years while I say for this but I would for one yeah okay there's a highlight we heard that with the star of this clinic they were also being moved and so another part of that equation is potentially you know saving up to the house

wherever we move or things like that you own a house now there's a lot of different no we rent currently okay well then decide which is which right we want to move and buy a house or we want to move and start a clinic you might not be able to do both you might have to choose

“for now I'm about the house out of the money you make on the clinic but be aware of”

creep of scope yeah scope creep because man the the next logical is what what if we just built our own and what if we just bought our own place and that might ROI we'll put a business on the back of it and that will also help pay for it and there's a new AI machine that says they can do laser MRIs through you got saying like it's so easy to sit down and all this thing becomes a

million dollar project without even sneezing yeah it's really just just start it as raw

and and make it make money and when it makes money grow the business and grow the equipment list with the money you make not with anything else what's she what does she make now is of at Marion she's she's only one year in and so she makes 116 yeah I mean if she's got a two-year-old practice and it's successful she'll make 200 okay yeah we have we have aspirations to to start this that's in practice and grow it yeah to help the business and then start to to duplicate that

over a region that we want to live in and so well we have high high hopes and dreams for this yeah if I'm you I'm probably gonna go hold hog on this and say I'm gonna take one more year off of investing I'm gonna save enough I'm gonna move and I'm gonna rent and I'm gonna open the clinic and get the clinic profitable and then I'm gonna talk about buying and and then I'm gonna

grow the clinic and grow the clinic and she'll be making quarter million dollars pretty quick

in that world and it'll be worth the investment and it's a great field she's in it's a great field just start small yeah not only do we love animals around Ramsey but but you know I it's just you guys just have they built and make a lot of money and their veterinarians all of them I work with they're just really smart yeah smart and the great people yeah I don't run into any of them they're jerks hey what's up guys it's Jade Warsha listen summer spending adds up so fast between vacations

and road trips and camp fees and events and all the extra gas and grocery runs money can get tight before you know it to really get your money under control and keep it that way you're gonna

“need a plan and that's what you'll get with the every dollar budget app it helps you track your spending”

free up cash to put toward debt and savings and it's the simplest way to make a plan for your money before the month begins so no more wondering where your money's going you're telling it where to go download every dollar in the app store or google play and start for free today if you're thinking about conducting one of the largest purchases that people make like a house you should have a pro in your corner not someone who got their license three weeks ago that you

met a church no you want a real estate agent that gets a lot of houses sold period and you want high octane high protein if you want a Ramsey trusted real estate agent that we have vetted for their professionalism their effectiveness the amount of volume they do and so on they follow the Ramsey plan you can connect with the Ramsey trusted agent who has your best interest at heart for free at ramseysolutions dot com slash agent or click the link in the description

hi Dave and John I hope you all are well we are how can we help I have a question in reference to

“long-term care I'm currently 62 and I started working with a fiduciary earlier this year”

to assist me with some of my investing and increasing my investing but one of the products that she talked about are one of the investing opportunities sort of speak that she talked about at my age was a long-term care annuity that would guarantee a certain income during up to seven years of time if I was ever unable to work my plan is to retire when I'm 70 so I've got eight years to retirement plan anyway what's the sensor on stick well right now I have approximately 375

and a traditional IRA outside of my 401k I have about 80,000 in my 401k because I didn't insert this roll over into the IRA outside of my 401k then I've backed up to 80,000 in my 401k or 80,000 in how you'll save your account and I've got 70,000 in my checking account so somewhere around five or six hundred thousand total got you okay that for you so I'm hoping and I just started investing in my 401k and stuff probably in your 62 yes I'm 62 okay and the average nursing home

stay is two and the average nursing home stay is two and a half years okay and the average cost is 100,000 a year okay so your two to three hundred thousand dollars okay are you married so that's that yeah I'm single don't own a home I stay with my parents that help take care of them because they're both 85 yeah and don't get around too well so I stay with them and my only other expense really is just my daily expenses plus I rented office for work outside of my home and it cost me about 500

a month so really I don't have many expenses so if you leave the 600 alone and it's invested in a market rates and let's say it doesn't even do as good as market rates and it only makes 10% it will double in seven years at 69 you would have 1.2 okay great rest without adding anything too

“and so I'm going to self-insure through my nursing home needs if you want to buy a nursing home”

policy you can they generally only cover about two years no I would never combine them with an

investment or with an annuity under any circumstances a hundred percent of the time it's a bad product I don't like your investment advisors all right okay that's what I thought and I appreciate that one thing about the investment I currently put I currently put 16% plus my 11,200 that I can put in until I'm 63 for catchup contribution right so I'm hoping that I'm going to actually be over that 1.2 hopefully yeah you will be because you're adding to it I'm talking about just doubling what you've

got without adding anything to it but yeah you'll be way over yeah you should be you know 1.6 or so oh good good so I'm pretty well covered for my retirement yeah assuming you're not putting this in something other than mutual funds if you're putting in good growth stock mutual funds and you're averaging market rates of return is what I'm going with now I don't know what this advice is supposed to produce here this sells insurance crap that you've got here I'm worried about that but

walk me through your disdain for annuities okay I it comes from two sources okay number one there's two types of annuities there's a fixed annuity which is not what he's talking about a fixed annuity is simply a savings account where the life insurance company that has really

bad terms right never under any circumstances do that run the variable annuity is fine

a variable annuity is a mutual fund inside of an annuity okay okay so it's going to grow without taxes on it until you cash it out just like a 401k traditional okay it's a tax deferred growth

“in annuity that's what it gives you it gives you tax deferred growth they also have a couple”

other features you can name a beneficiary so it goes outside of outside of probate it's nice that way and some of them will give Garrett most on these days it'll give guaranteed minimums on the rate of return and a guaranteed return of principle if the market goes down most of which if you leave it alone the seven years that they require 99% of the times in the stock market history you

it's not needed if you just left it alone you'd be fine same thing so you're paying an annuity

fee as a commission and you're paying the mutual fund fees not just the mutual fund fees if you just bought mutual funds you wouldn't have the fee and so they're okay the that very bonus is because you're in good mutual funds and you've got a couple other little features that are nice they're not the other world but unless you have your house paid off everything paid off and you're scared to death of risk and this is all after a retirement investing

and it's only an annuity it's not tied to long-term care it's not tied to other crap which is

was then it's okay what's the business move for somebody to try to sell you an annuity attached to

a make more money the bundling it just becomes a read the math is horrendous got you if you bought the two things separately you'd come out light years better got you the insurance company when

“insurance company the only thing that insurance company's bundled together that end up being to your”

favor is homeowners in car right home and out of yeah but if they bundle savings inside of an insurance policy like whole life and universal at 100% sucks anytime they start putting stuff together it's for their benefit not yours got you run okay run away then the second thing is the only way you can sell a mutual fund if your life insurance agent you're not licensed to sell securities is you can sell a variable annuity because it's got mutual funds inside of it but your life insurance

licensed got you but and and so most of the time when I hear someone pitching that my financial advisor

is selling me I just want me to get a variable annuity it's almost always a life insurance agent

not a financial advisor and they call themselves we're financial we're fiduciers yeah for financial advisors no you're not you're freaking life insurance agent yeah it's all you are you just don't have

“a securities license this is the only way you can sell a semi decent product and and so instead”

of going to get securities license being a real financial advisor you're just over there with the way oh with Pacific life got you know you get a little splash going right and there we go and it's just bull crap it's just bull you know New York life credential Pacific life these are all whole life life insurance companies that sell variable annuity and call themselves fiduciers they're not fiduciers they're life insurance agents and they're all whole life agents is what they

are they used to sell cash value and some of them have gone to index to universal or index to new it is or bull crap you know just go buy an index fund or sit down with a real advisor like a smart vester pro and they'll sit down and show you and and you don't have the fees yeah you don't have you only got half the fees that you would have otherwise you have fees but not only weren't near as high and they're not going to sell you crap like trying to bundle your long-term care insurance

for nursing home with your investments can you think of a possible reason that that's even logical that's not I mean these what they select the Sesame Street none of these things are like the other you know so that that's my disdain for it as it comes from knowing how the business works inside the dugout how baseball works inside the dugout and it pisses me off yeah but the actual product itself the variable and who it is a standalone I am not against them got in most circumstances

I'm against how they come up and who sells the most of the time the problem with online investing advice you hear so many different opinions and you're

“left wondering if you're even doing it right and that's why we created investing essentials”

join me in Dave Ramsey at this two night virtual event to learn Dave's playbook for investing and wealth planning will break down 401k's mutual funds passing on wealth and more so join us September 1st and 2nd take it start at 199 bucks you can get yours today at RamseySolutions.com/events or just click the link in the show notes you is with us and what you talk Kansas hi you how are you okay if I'm just about as fine as

for all this air how are you doing today just the same sir how can we help you sir so I was listening to show a while back in the for Dr. Delong talking about some of the research he's been doing

wealthy and I got the painting I lost my wife in December oh my god and I'm sorry yes or

“how long were you married and uh 20 years I was on your married so what was your name bro I just”

was uh summer she's a pretty awesome her she was great she was the best so I'm sorry man now I appreciate it but you know I just I'm not looking to to go out and do anything but I was just kind of curious you know what for somebody in my situation what kind of mean I mean am I kind of just stuff where I'm at or what so anyway I just was kind of curious if you'd lose the marriage advantage when you lost her is that what you're asking yeah I get that's that's the question

how old are you I'm 46 okay and how you doing financially and in your career in health wash

my note is fine financially we're well I'm finishing up baby 52 you're ready to start on on three and career wise I'm doing pretty good okay so all right I can tell you brother if I was to look back and have lost my wife of 24 years in December I don't know that I would still know what day it is yeah you know what I mean it definitely it definitely sucks you know

“we've got four kids yeah and you honestly if it wasn't for them I don't know where I'd be at”

I have one that's 19 11 17 11 15 and then one that's 12 and on our 12 year old is special needs yeah so so I this is gonna sound strange but my guess is in 18 months and 24 months is when you'll start to not the pain won't just go away or anything like that no matter what not not since people tell you but you're still in the thick of the black fog of grief right now and you're such a good man and you got four kids like you don't have

an option other than to get up and to plow through the next day what I want to challenge you on is spending is a little time right now on big existential what does it all mean questions because that's like asking it's like being in the dark lost in a forest and thinking about what's the meaning of life like what we need to do is get back to the road you go to

I'm saying and so the marriage advantage right now is you have four amazing kids that have a picture

of this amazing woman named summer and you all built something together you all've got this legacy that's gonna out last both of you and anything beyond honoring her and getting up the next day and doing the next right thing for us a long time that's where that's where you just been your energy as I make sense so the the the marriage advantage is a series of averages over a large set of data over a long period of time over a long period of time and so

if you're not married today because you lost your wife six months ago you are not at a distinct disadvantage okay but the marriage advantage points out that over the scope of life those that are married over a 40 year or 50 year period of time are live longer report better life satisfaction and happiness they report higher levels of wealth way higher levels of wealth over a long period of time that's the marriage advantage and there's a whole set of data and a whole set of research a bunch

of research projects that back all of that up but also there's a piece of data that says this if you are 19 years old and your parents got divorced and you marry someone whose parents got divorced you are much higher likelihood statistically to get divorced than two than two 19 year old whose parents stayed together if you get married right but that doesn't mean that just because you're both of your parents got divorced that 100% of the time you're going to be the

same statistic it's not deterministic it's it's it's correlative it's not causal exactly it doesn't

“cause that to happen and so you know but so what behaviors are you know what do you have to”

solve for in that well you solve for the things that summer brought to the table right and

plus you don't really have a choice you're here yeah and so you've got to you know you're

solving for I'm not going to be the average right I'm going to be the one that beats the average

“and causes the average to come up and that's what those two 19 year olds with divorce parents”

prove we we we're going to have to do different things the statistics are if you've been married if you've known each other for three weeks and you get married you know 90% of those marriages don't last okay but you do meet people that were married that we knew each other three weeks and were married for 40 years and they got up everything decided yeah and they just but so they beat

the odds so to speak the the the the main if you distill all the down the marriage of anage two people

doing a thing over time together us two writer die gives you margin it gives you the ability that when one of you can only carry 20% the other person's carrying 80 it is two people pulling in the same direction and that's what you did for 20 years and and that's what you've uh that's

“what the whole in your life is that's exactly what you miss right but that doesn't mean you're”

quote deterministically doomed right at all not even close that's the point of this so do we start your loss but yeah very sorry very sorry you're you're you're you're you're going to make it and you you're you're you're not going to miss out on the marriage advantage you've already had the advantage but but again spin the the least amount of time thinking about those big things stuff yeah honor your wife writer a letter every day get up and do the next right thing for your

kids you're a good good man and I was in Los Angeles hi Anna how are you hi I'm great good day days hey what's up yes I'm just a little background I'm from Silicon Valley and work in a healthcare industry I'm 54 years old plan to retire into years married I have to kids that just graduated from college and my question is is it a smart idea to buy short-term rentals for tax purposes just because this year our combined salaries will be around 750k and we are short-term rentals that create

a tax advantage of those that lose money okay so your depreciation on the on the property your depreciation schedule is larger than your income which it would not be on a short-term rental so the bonus depreciation and the cost aggregation won't help a call no if you actually lose

“money then you that you save money but if you want to do that just give it to a charity it's the same”

right off okay don't lose money to save on taxes if somebody's telling you to do that get away from them they're dumb no and short-term rentals are a nightmare Anna I mean you're talking about buying Airbnb's to save on taxes while you're making all this money because you're smart people and now you just turn to herself into a hotel maid because every time somebody screws up the sheets over their chair be in bed you're over there changing the sheets yeah find something that you

rose and you're spouse really believe in and donate to that yeah much easier don't go losing

money and turn yourself into a hotel maid when you're making a million dollars a year just to call

just to say you know I'm in the short-term rental business oh god gross yeah there's talk about high maintenance pain in the butt to operate Airbnb and it's like running those motel six can you imagine leave the light on no yeah lights off killing me Tom lights off I'm about that you remember him oh yeah leave the light on we'll leave the light on for you yeah that's because we don't know how to turn it off we have a lockbox on the front door we'll leave the light on for you

[Music] hey George camel here we often talk about how being normal sucks when it comes to your money but guess what normal isn't so great when it comes to your job either normal is staying in a job you hate dreading Mondays and working for people you don't even like sounds familiar well the good news is you can break free from normal because ramsy solutions is hiring and we

refuse to settle for the ordinary in fact we are anything but normal and we are proud of it and right now we're hiring for technology sales marketing writing copy editing and creative roles

our scripture today probably 25-21 if your enemy is hungry give him food to eat if he is thirsty

give him water to drink. Ben Franklin said love your enemies for they tell us your fault to

“for they tell you your faults that one that's good. Maria's in Atlanta hi Maria how are you?”

hi Dave this is Maria how are you doing better than I deserve what's up? okay so I read your book and I'm planning to save $1,000 and full 1K and I've already included it in my budget and I also need to take about 262 taken out of my paycheck every month

for a medical and all that stuff because I'm a civil engineer and I recently graduated with my

masters in engineering and I'm also planning to live rice and beans and then I have an electric car so you know my get my charging is going to be budgeted to like $40 per month if I can't make that then I'm going to have to take the bus. how can we help you on? yeah what's going on? okay my situation is that I'm a civil engineer and I recently graduate with my masters degree but I've been fired at nine different civil engineering job since I graduated with my BS and back in

2017. why do you keep getting laid off what's happening? I have this I was immature you know over time I realized that it's like corporate so corporate is very strict stringent like kind of like military style because I work in like different projects government projects and all that stuff and they want you to stay calm under pressure and I was unable to do that at my at the nine different

“jobs so that's why I got laid off or like let go fired. so have you done the work on emotional”

regulation because it sounds like like if you went and got a degree as a nurse and every time

you saw blood or had to put a needle in somebody's arm you passed out that's a critical part of

that job right so critical part of your job is staying calm and regulated right so if you it may be that you've reached a point where you say either either a can't make the leap to do this thing or I don't have it in me to go put in the work to go learn these skills of emotional regulation so that I can do this job. have you sought some professional help like a therapist to help you? yes I've gotten therapy help and I've also joined the union at my last job and realized that

“you know it's the corporate system and within that corporate system you have to basically”

make it through in order to to make it through the corporate world. yeah but the corporate is just like this amorphous word to take just don't use that word anymore think of it this way if I agree to do a job for a company and I shake hands with them and they say we'll give you this amount of money for this job. hey they have to believe I can do the job both in temperament and in skill and in social ability like I'm a person the other people can work with and then I got to show

up everything to that job. that's not about corporate it's not about start every job on planet Earth whether you're a lawn person or you're working for a company with 10,000 employees is going to say here's the job and there's a social component here's how we do this job here and then I get to choose as the employee whether I do that or I've got to go get some additional training so that I can meet these needs. you know what I'm saying? it's not this this thing called corporate out there.

it's it's when I sign up to do any job anywhere at any time I'm signing up for a particular culture or particular vision a particular set of values and a particular job skill. yeah how long did you see a therapist? I started seeing a therapist back in 2020 2023 right after COVID and because I was employed for about a year and a half during COVID

yeah we're talking about how long did you meet with the therapist from 23 to what now?

“to now and how often do you meet with them? I meet with him weekly. okay she is he explaining”

for you how to maintain your composure and your calm in the middle of working on an engineering project with other people? I didn't realize that up until now because I've been seeing I also saw you know different therapists because I couldn't afford it so I kept switching therapist. so I want you to sit down with your therapist after you've been seeing the same person for a couple years I want you to say these words. I would like to run some scenarios

do some role playing in here so that I can practice and a good therapist will walk alongside you

set you up in situations and then we'll practice whatever we got to practice for these social

interactions so that you can improve a skill set just going in therapy and talking about over and over and over again isn't going to help you at this point we need some real skills that we can practice in the real world and so continue putting that work in. yeah there's an old book that came out years ago called EQ and the author makes the point in the book that that's called Emotional Quotient that the ability to manage your emotions and

and interact with relationships positively is a higher indicator of success than IQ than intelligence so the ability to play well with others is a bigger deal but the your ability to do that he measured on EQ and so if your EQ is low and your IQ is high you're very smart but you're horrible with relationships and regulating managing to keep your emotions under control and pressure then you're going to struggle in any career correct there's not a career that

keeps you from doing that. even being 17 years old working the lunch rush at Burger King it got overwhelming right and we everybody has to keep their cool so any job anywhere is going to have those inflections stress points yeah and so working on your EQ makes you maintain your employment which gives you the income then to start talking about you know getting the electric car charged getting your budget going getting your 401k going getting your emergency found

in place and all of those things but you know getting and keeping a job is dependent upon you managing your behavior differently than you have in the last nine jobs right and it sounds like you're putting the work in but let's get real tactical now and start practicing has your social exchanges hey Doc I want I want you I want to I want to play pretend how this is going to feel right and then see if he can get your get you to lose your cool yeah

and walk with you if you lose your cool in the Faripos office then you can learn how to not lose your cool that's right and and get get back in control that's good suggestion very good yeah there's a

“and that's why you know I think at the core of that is why getting a degree getting a four-year”

degree as a promise of success is a lie correct because if you're EQ sucks and you got a four-year degree and you graduate at thank you laudy or magna cum laude either one you're you're still going to suck at your job that's right you're not going to be able to pull it off because you

always have to do this with people. A lesson somebody taught me evolve all places a casting agent

back when I was 21 years old in Los Angeles told me this wisdom and it stuck with me when I was 21 years old they said there's about 10 people in this town this is back when Hollywood was buzzing and you know in the late nineties there's about 10 people in this town they can run rough shot over everybody and kind of get away with it because they're super mega ultra stars he said but most casting decisions are made on this question do I want to spend the next three months with

that person do I want to spend the next two months with that person all day haven't dinner with them waking up in the morning to make up trailer and most decisions are made because there's a lot of talent to people most decisions are made is this a good person I want to be around yeah and that's stuck with me like do you play well with other yeah good person to hang around yeah I put us out of the ramsy show in the books we'll be back with you before you know it in the meantime

“remember there's ultimately only one way to financial peace and that's to walk daily with the”

Prince of Peace Christ Jesus.