#3265 Below Deck Down Under S04E07 Part One: Disco Helmet Desertion

Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What The Crap, and I'm Ronnie. That's been, hello, Ben.

Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. Today we're in my house in Texas because we were at South by Southwest all weekend. What? Party, party, party, party. You can talk in luck day. I woke up and I was like, "Thank God, I'm already talking like Daisy." Although it's already sounds like Daisy. I'm saying Patrick's Day in Olas. I'm saying Patrick's Day. I'll look at us both not wearing green on the podcast. You're wearing pink. I'm wearing white. I'm tired. You know, I'm too tired for green today. I'm in pink and blue.

We're two of the colors of the rainbow at which there is a pot of gold. Yeah, well, last night we won Best Film and TV podcast at the I-Hart Awards. Oh my god. I-Hart. So exciting. We'll talk about our whole weekend on the bonus episode this week on "Potholeal." That's also where you get videos like this one, the one right now. And add free listening and discord, and just so much stuff on Patreon.

Go over there. There's a newsletter blog thing that comes out every week about the weekend bravo. It's really fun. So go check that out. And then today we're just doing some below deck. It's my last day with Ben here in my office, and then he's back to La La Land. I know I fly out right after this, but also thank you to everyone who's been leaving the kindest words on our social media.

“And I think that's nice little messages and emails about last night's win.”

We really appreciated it a lot. It was super, super, super cool. We did not expect to win. And we were a god-smacked. We were shocked. We were just there for a long for the ride. So thanks to everyone who's been so nice to us, people who were there, people who were just, you know, just online. It's really, really, really. I'd like to personally thank Jenny Garth. Jenny Garth and I think our word. She was so nice. I would love to Jenny Garth was dressed like Rachel Zo.

And I thought at first I thought it was Rachel Zo, and then I was like, "Oh, it's just some random lady."

And then someone was like, "That's Jenny Garth." And then she actually presented the word for us. And I was like, "Oh my god, Jenny Garth." I was like, "I 100% knew who you were when you walked in." Well, it's just haven't seen her for a while. I know. Well, no, just 'cause she was styled in a way I'm not used to. Like, I have an idea of how Jenny Garth looks in terms of her styling.

I wasn't expecting to have more of like a Rachel Zo look. So it was like, and she was, when I tell you, this woman was so nice. I went up to her at the end of the show and I was like, "Thank you again." I was lovely to meet you. She's starting up a podcast. And I thought I took a picture of her, but I guess I didn't.

So, I mean, I made that with her. It was a great, and all and all, great, great. It was a great time for Jerry Garth. Yeah, I'm meeting so many podcasters and stuff. Yeah, but we'll talk about that later. But for now, it's below decked down under a season full episode seven.

For anyone who ever thought the podcast would ever pause for one second to be hungover.

Absolutely not. No, it was like the below deck crew. You get up and you do it anyway. I'm not sure Lisa. You just go to bed. Lisa? We talk about Alicia really quickly.

“I think like it's time that we have to face some hard truths about her.”

I think she's like incredibly inept in so many different ways. Like she's a disaster. Like last season, she got away with, I think, a very good edit. And this season, she has been, I think, across the board. Kind of shitty, right?

She seems like a nice girl. But she's totally disorganized in like her personal life and her professional life with everything. And there was like a moment where I thought, oh, wow, she's like getting in the hang of it. I was like, she's not. She's like failing on all categories. And I feel like we have to acknowledge it.

I think she does okay when she's, you know, working. It's just that, you know, going to bed early and stuff. Look, she couldn't do the kitchen stuff. She couldn't make the cheese cake. She didn't put the sugar in the cheese cake. She couldn't do like the frittata.

So she moved to the interior. Now she can't stay up late.

“She left the whole, the whole boat of mesh left wax on the table.”

It's a crying. She made up lies about her flirtation with the musta eddy. Where she made it seem like eddy was texting him. But no, you initiated. Then you call your boyfriend.

And you're like, sort of doing half truths again. She just is like incapable of, she seems so nice. But she's just totally incapable of like doing the things she has to do. Yeah. I still like her. I don't care.

Okay. Great. I don't, you know, it's like, you just excuse anything when you like somebody. I don't care. She could run over a puppy and I'd be like, "Love her. Love her braids. I love her double braid."

(laughs) Just concentrate on how things, her pouty lip.

I could never be a witness for murder because I'd be like, "Well, they did it."

But I really like their hair. I like they did such cute hair and I like her lipstick. And I like that she has like different sense that she puts on. Like, she's like, "I'm, I'm baby prostitute today because it's sugar and waffles." Whatever.

"Centless." I'm like, "Oh, it was marshmallow."

“That was, I think that was their turning point for me.”

Because there is a scent that there's certain girls wear this scent. And that, like, it's plaguing me for years. And I'm like, "What is that awful smell?" Like, when you're like, "You know, when you're like an elevator." And like, it's like that cheap perfume smell.

But I was like, "I couldn't really even pinpoint what that scent was." And then my friend said, "He's like, it's marshmallow." I was like, "Oh, it is marshmallow." All those like marshmallows, scented fragrances that, like, perfumes. Because it doesn't really smell like real marshmallows, delicious.

But this is just like that perfume marshmallow. Yeah.

That, like, I guess, like 16-year-old girls wear,

or, like, if they're unfortunate, they just go down a path in their life where they just keep on wearing it. That is, like, the most garbagey smell. And all of those bottles of marshmallow perfume need to be dumped out into the sun.

Put it, make a rocket ship. SpaceX, this is where you could use your technology. Build a ship and send it directly into the sun with all the vials of marshmallow perfume. I think it's just smelling like food in general.

Why do you want to smell like food?

“Because, like, first of all, if you're around a person”

who eats too much, like me, I'm just going to want to eat you. And like, I don't want to fuck my food. You know what I mean? I don't want to fuck a marshmallow. Um, actually if you're going to fuck any food,

a marshmallow might be nice. No, no, no, no, no.

It won't look what they do to the bag.

Like, if you just leave a marshmallow in the back too long, look what happens to them, they get all stuck together. And that wouldn't be good for your winter. Like, I don't want to fuck a marshmallow. So why, so, okay, so then I'll want to eat you.

Well, I don't want to eat a human either. And then when you're not hungry, you know, you smell food and you kind of resent it. Like, when you're in a mall, and there's, like, a cinnamon or a cookie, and Mrs. Fields cookie, and you're not hungry,

and then you smell it, and it's like, grow, I don't want that right now. It's like when you see a weener, it's like when you see a weener, but you're not really in the mood to have sex. And it's like, oh, I've, why do I want to see that? You know, but then when you do want to have sex, it's like, oh, it's a weener.

Right. That's how food smells. Don't smell like food. You're a person. Yeah.

Like a person. I'm a world that smells like a person either because people are generally. I'd like to say we have terrible at eight odors. Smell like new shoes. Why don't they have like new car smell for people?

Yeah. That's, everybody loves our, I'm a new model. Yeah. Because then everybody will want to have sex.

“I think if you have a new car, it's like you want to have sex in the new car, right?”

What's center you wearing? Oh, it's Toyota Camry. In 2026 edition. It's Prius. It's a Prius.

That cuts double the mileage. And you barely hear it. Oh, it's Lexus December to remember sales events. I'm almost ran someone down on a crosswalk because I didn't even hear me. It's crazy.

Oh, it's my Prius scent. All right. So with that being said, we are at a beach picnic. That's where we left off. And there's the, the draw and Mike and Jenna.

They're, they're heading back to the yacht. And Mike is like, see, you got a chance to talk to 80. Did you talk to 80 at all and Jenna's like, I didn't have a chance. I didn't have a chance. I was like, oh, I had a chance on the ground, I guess.

Because Jenna has just found out that Eddie was actually sort of in pretty hard court with Alicia, a nut to the point that he said he would drop Jenna in a heartbeat just to be an alien with Alicia. And so I was like, oh, so friends, oh, hey. Check, oh, best friends, that's what we call that different. The friends in, in Zim. And if anybody is like, oh my God, but poor Eddie,

so keen, he's so sweet. It just cuts to Eddie farting. Yeah, yeah, love this show. They've got like a whole fart editor on this. So someone who's just like, it's your job, just log whenever somebody farts or burps or like,

it's a bone or find the fart and a fart while they are. Yeah, find the fart. It's like find the through line, find the fart. Yeah, so now Daisy and Mekka. So, and Mekka, Mekka kept threatening again this episode to be the worst charter guest. And then with lovely, and my favorite, this is my favorite fake out with Mekka.

Every time he's here, it's like, hi. Is this really the best you can do? Good, because I love you. And it is your best. It was your best. Be agree.

We really agree. Yeah. So they want dinner at 7.30 and Mekka's like, "So, do you still feel good about dinner being at this table?" I mean, whatever you think aesthetically,

but do you think this is the best table? She's like, oh, I don't know. I mean, it's different table to show what we do it on the inside. Should we do it on the inside table? I don't know.

What do you think is the best? It's like, oh, warm out.

So we do it on the water.

I'll put it on the water. I'll put it on the water.

“The water is like, is the water the best thing, really?”

Is it? And she's like, are you sure this is the best table? It is like, oh, I'm real, I found the pressure. She's, well, you should. I'm just joking.

I honestly, it's gonna be great. It's wonderful table. It's great. But also, I think it's Mekka's, I mean, it's cool that she's demanding the best,

but I love that she's like, wants the best in every category. Is this the best chair? The best chair you can possibly get? Is this your best napkin?

Have you ever gotten the better napkin? It's your best here. That was funny, though. Is this the best table? Are you gonna decorate the table?

It's gonna be your best table decoration of all time. Sandies at all, like, oh, yes. It's like super-fandling over there. He's like, oh, guys, get around the tables. Get around the tables.

Get around the tables. Oh, wait till I tell Gigi Fernandez. Gigi Fernandez, like, oh, I'm the best house player. That's a question. Gigi Fernandez was in the last two minutes of Mekka.

I could be like, oh, Gigi, are you really the best, though? Or are you sure? Well, I'm the best.

“I mean, well, I mean, technically Margino's stats are a little better than mine,”

but like, so Margino's the best. I mean, well, I mean, I wouldn't say that. I mean, someone's an artist Christopher, but I mean, I probably better than them on both of them. I don't know.

I've been through a lot of therapy. This is sort of taking me back to dark places. Is your therapist the best? Is the best therapy you could be good? Oh, my God, you're right.

I am fucking crazy. This is my mind. Gigi Fernandez just jumps off the boat. So like, I'm playing basketball. I'm playing basketball.

Mekka destroys her.

Wait a second, but I'm real awesome.

Excellent swimming. I'm the best at this swimming. The shark's like, and I'm the best at eating. Are you the best? All right.

Give me another 10 of star. I'll do it. I'll lead another one. I'll practice still. I'm the best.

Okay. So then we go to the galley and Ben's like, Oh, this is another one. When did I have to cook with that? No, no, no, no, go.

Oh, get over you. Goopy hips. They gotta get up together. So he's like, he's like, well, we're going to start off with a caveat.

So there's a lot of moving swiftly into dinner. And then we're going to a lobster spring roll. And I'm going to try to fry them. And then we're going to do an octopus. We're actually going to literally do an octopus.

We're going to fuck an octopus together. See what sort of inspiration they give us.

And then I'm going to break out the suvi machine.

He's going to view suvi. He's going to suvi the octopus. What do you think about that? Now you know how I feel. I am fine with that.

Why? Suviening octopus? I don't. I don't know. Octopus is already so, like, slimy.

I don't know. You have to do it. The reason why is because when you cook octopus, you either, as you probably know, you either cook it like in.

Sorry. Are you the best? Are you the best? Are you the best? By the way, your octopus teacher is here.

Your octopus teacher is here. You, um, you either have to like, cook it for like one minute or so. Like two minutes.

“Or you have to cook it for like 45 minutes.”

Because, like, the proteins in octopus just sort of, like, tighten up. So, like, if you're going to cook it for more than just, like, a flash, whatever, then you kind of have to cook it long enough for, like, proteins to then, like, relax.

And I think that's the suviid will help you get to that place of, like, um, sort of keeping the octopus tender, and then you can finish it with, like, a grill. But there's something. Well, okay.

I sense your stuff. Yeah. I feel it's always long. And the textures are, I mean, I really like octopus. But, you know, it's best when there's, like,

some kind of crunchy element to it. So, the suviid just sounds like, but you would finish it. I think you would finish it on the grill or something like that. A grill top.

But you know, there's some char. You know, well, controversial. We'll look it out. It's controversial. We'll look it out.

And it is in this episode as well. Is it controversial dish? Is it the best? Is it the best preparation? I'm not sure.

[laughs] Well, foldable data six cultures of it less. Losing the server is, like, losing my mother. Not that I've lost my mother, but imagine if I did lose my mother, that would suck.

My mother, the oven. [laughs] My mother's fan went out years ago. She's still tickling. [laughs]

Yes. My mother tends to overheat, and she's very un reliable. [laughs] I got to cook all the fly tonight. I've got a sous vide.

I've got a brick and all the applications. Clearly, there's lots of pressure on me. And time is very, very valuable. Not that mother cares. She's burning me once she'll burn me again.

At least, at least, after the means are on its days. [screams] Meanwhile, at least he is getting text from her boyfriend. Who, what's his heart? I mean, we keep seeing pictures of this boyfriend.

And it's, it's not like you're holding out for, like, Brad Pitt. You know what I mean? It's kind of just a basic. He's kind of like a normal body, Michelin man. Right?

It's just like a normal guy.

[laughs] He's like the napkin model.

You know, they always have like a picture of someone on the napkin.

That's like, you know, Joey Portola's barbecue or something. Yeah. Like him. It's like a picture of Joey Portola. But like, they're like, okay, get the guy from Whistler.

We want to do it. We want to do it. Yeah. Or like some sort of like, like small pond watercraft. Like a type of robot or something like a motorized robot.

And he's like on there. Yeah. But I mean, you know, she's basically trying to talk herself into it. I don't know why because she clearly is not really into this guy. So he's texting is like, are you there?

Are you there? Are you there? You're so hot, please, please text me back. I can't believe you've been texting me back for two months. But please, where are you?

Where are you? Are you still alive? I'm wearing him out, James. I know. It's time for commercial.

It's time for a quick happens commercial. And she says, I actually can't be fucking bothered today. You can't be bothered. It's a right back to someone when you're the one who flirted with someone else. A little bit too much.

Like else. Yeah. Let's go. Man, what I do with the IRS. We always get you.

They always get you death in taxes.

Mmm, Daisy serves. I guess I'm coconut water. And the guess is like, you know, I have, I've got the coconut water.

“But I didn't want ice in it because I think that the ice kind of defeats the purpose of the coconut water, right?”

I was like, no, that's, I don't think it does. I think ice is mixing with regular water. I guess that's what she got. Like was it hot coconut water that's going to melt the ice right away and then become part of the coconut water. Like it's not in a coconut.

You know, okay. Like if you open a coconut. If you're like, oh, god, it finally got a coconut off the tree and figured out how to batch it up. And then there was ice. I'd be like, why are you wasting room in this coconut with ice?

I just, but it's a glass. So I'm assuming what she's meaning is that the ice is going to dilute the coconut water right down. But I'm like, but, like, it, but it won't. It's ice. I mean, ice melts.

Yes. But like, because doesn't your best defeat the purpose of everything? Are you going to diet coke? Like it's diluting the diet coke? Are you going to revisit this drink in like six hours?

Like your drink, you're drinking right now.

Like you'll be like, there'll be like minimal impact on the. I'm looking at the taste of that. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't even.

She said it in a way that was like, oh, yeah. Kind of the feet superb. It's like these fucking idiots. But I don't know.

I don't know what I would do if someone had just gave me a glass of coconut milk with no ice. Coconut water. I'm looking at water with that.

“I think you want the ice because you're in the Caribbean.”

It's not going to be like, what are you lazy? I would. Yeah. I would be like. Where's the ice?

The point is we've put more thought into this job in five minutes. And at least he has him two years. At least he has. Yeah. At least he has still like trying to like wipe down.

We could use a box somewhere. We'd be useless at this job, too. We'd take away. So we put ice in the coconut water. What do we do?

I don't know. We're talking about the suit leading the octopus. What the fuck are we going to do? We don't think we would ever get done. We're having lots of existential crises over these food preparations.

So now that we're in the galley and alien micro there. And the galley is a mess. And then he's like, like, clear out all these stuff from the interior. Because we have a lot going on. And then, you know, he's like all upset because he has to do work.

That's the life of the life of a deck stew. Because Mike gets more and more depressed throughout the episode. Because this is definitely like a couple weeks of let's break down Mike. Who by the way deserves it. So he's getting more and more depressed.

And you can tell because his hair deflates. And it just gets sadder and saddened by the end. He just looks like a coupé trooper. He's just jealous of the sort of shell on top of it. He looks like a bicycle act.

His hair is sort of like deflating down. And it's just like a newsy's cap. A bike helmet. I guess not. Or a bike helmet around.

It's just like a new newsy's cap is better. That's probably a duck tail that's also like a flat. It's like a little tiny awning over and there. So now Alicia and days you're discussing table decor. And Lisa is like,

Oh, I'm not sure. I'm very good at this. Is Jenna better at this? I was like, of course. Of course, Lisa can't set the table.

She's going to pour the sugar from cheesecake onto the table. It's just going to take a fork from the table and put in the cheesecake. You've put shit on a table. I don't understand. You can make tablescares this big of a, especially when we see what it is.

They put some flowers on the table. I'm telling you, Alicia can't do anything. So she's going to swap with Jenna and she'll do the bathrooms instead.

“Which honestly, I mean, I'd rather put flowers on the table than clean your butt.”

Clean your butt. I agree. Skank off the toilet. Mike, Mike Daisy, the dishwasher has to be updated. And he's like, "Gulp, he did it."

Fucking hell. So he's like all upset because he has to do all this work.

Yeah, it's also known as working.

Yeah. So Alicia and Jenna are in their cabin. And she's like, "You're okay to set this table. The father's elegant, but sexy, full of flowers. You know, after going, just really shit out there.

I'd rather make cocktails, turn black and blue, ignore it. It's like, please, blaze, go away. And then Jenna's like, "I can't 100% trust on Liz. Yeah, I can't even know. Liz, yeah, sure. I'm gonna try some harder after I told you I committed a crime."

Not like well, it's taking you to a pretty intense place. But I mean, fair point. Yeah, that's true. So Jenna prepares the table and Daisy's radioing for dinner to be ready, whatever. So now people are getting ready.

And on deck, Eddie is complaining about the mess on the deck. And Daisy's like, "Are you okay, Eddie?" He's like, "No, they're still so much shit I have to dare." He's like, "Do you want Mark to come and help ya?" And he's like, "Well, I think we need Mark here a lot more today than we did, actually."

"You know, 'cause I've been out here, look at me. I'm undoing a pink string." It's very difficult. I'm like working on something string-thing, like anything. Rolling a string and he's like, "This is ridiculous.

We're doing it all along. Come on, Mike!" And she's like, "Okay, it's your need to call.

“You need to say, you need to call. Okay?"”

And he's like, "But if it comes out, it comes out and it goes back in." "Well, I'm gonna send Mark to help ya."

So I just like, "It ain't about Mike at the moment. The reality is I'm frustrated myself.

After talking with Jenna on the beach earlier, I'm feeling feeling the need to explain myself more and I need to apologize more." And because we're working right now, I just can't. I was like, "Well, great. Well, then I'm thank you for then bothering everyone, including Mike and Daisy with your stupidity."

Yeah, you fucked that whole thing up. And this is what happens when like a mediocre guy gets any intention. Because this shows like being in prison, you're just gonna fuck with it's there. I mean, we're like being at a buffet. You're gonna eat whatever it is.

Yeah, if you're really hungry. And so this guy has much more of a chance on this about the normally. And he's a poor guy. He's just not used to having so many options. You know, it's like his first wedding buffet. He's gonna order the chicken and the salmon.

And see if you can get away with it. And sometimes you just can't. Yeah. And this also shows you how people, how and why people in middle management are just so awful.

Because it's like he got frustrated by something that happened as personal life and he took it out on whatever coworker he could possibly. So he like appealed to someone higher than him to get someone lower than him into trouble to sort of like rain back his power. Yeah.

So that's, I'm not afraid to look into things. I'm not afraid to take it to that face either. Jenna, you're not the only one who can take things to extreme. Okay, apparently since you're a murderer. So now that I can aveninally.

Actually, did you just a quick cheeseburger? Okay. But come on, honey, honey, honey. Honey, cheese, cheese, please can we just do, come on, come on. Come on, come on.

Come on. Fed a freckles. Let's do that cheese. Come on, blame the bags. Let's just do a cheeseburger.

Come on. Like, okay. But she's starting to move slowly.

“I think she's like chopping banana peppers.”

Okay. Cheese, what? Cheese, what? It's really difficult for me. I'm for dropping on my head and date your phone.

Okay. I don't know. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. So now Daisy goes up to my mic.

And he's like, yeah, I love it.

Every time Daisy says mic's name, it's always like she's trying to get his attention in the library.

Because she's like yells, but it always sounds like she's like whisper yelling in a library. Mic, mic, mic. Mic, mic. You're gonna go help the decor now. So I spoke to Eddie.

And I think the problem is you're like doing the job. But then you're coming back in here, Mark. But I'm never sitting down doing nothing. I'm going there. I'm going out.

That's what I'm doing. So like, no, it's not what the issue is. It's not that you're not working. Just going out. Just go.

Go with your hair. You and your hair go. After that shot was wild, Daisy. I'm literally saying, yes, I've ever single. Oh, that's what I imagine.

Mike's probably saying right now. Wouldn't you be saying that? Mike, that's exactly right. Thank you for helping me out of that chat with you. I haven't easy.

I'm literally saying yes. He's single job. You're giving us. But I don't know what it is. I can do.

So he goes out to the deck and the rest of the crew are putting stuff away. And Mike's like, I've been told that you had something.

“And Josh is like, if Daisy needing your insight, don't you?”

No, Daisy just received it for you. Lesson, if you're finished with us, can you tell us when you're finished? Because now I have to go on with Daisy. And if you're not finished. But I've been trying that.

And you've been running away every single time. You've been running into the Zin Zone. You're like a woman in Zim. Every time I come into town, you start running away. Running away.

I'm on the way. So then Mike is like, William, happy to stay out of here. I'll be. But I've had to be in the zone. Sorry.

I was like, the extreme degree of weird accents. Can't be out of her mouth. I can't even moment. I'm happy to be here all day. I've had to be in the zone rather than making beds.

Getting ready for the biz dinner of the little time. And there was actually a new cookbook out called Best of the Best. And this girl who she just like 35 different cookie recipes. And she'll say, this is the best. I'm like, my cup of love that book.

So is your best? Is every recipe. Is this your best? Guess we're going to see. So Jason's coming to dinner.

So the guests pretend to be excited. Jason seems like a nice person. Okay. I know what wrong. No, I'm just you're setting up this.

I'm about to go in. That was somebody died on the internet. No, no. He said, oh, he's like, oh, my God. Guess you died.

He gets a message on it. I can check to see. No, I do. Don't, please. Someone probably died.

Okay. Jason seems very nice and stuff.

“But he's, I think if there was, if we were ranking chefs on how good they are at, like,”

guest dinner experiences, he would be last. Like, at least everybody else tries to do something. You know, Captain Sandy's like, oh, one time I was on a boat in my rack. We were chasing down Sedam. Man, uh, they're a big land.

Well, right. You know, she has stories or for Captain Kerry will tell a judge. Like, well, you know what? They call an octopus in Australia. I want to wool a bit.

What? What? What? What? I like he would take the genres.

Right. Who else is there? Captain Lee will be like, yeah, I'll tell you one thing. She tripped over words one more time. And then our home on a goddamn plain ticket.

I don't know if I have to go that way. Captain Glenns would be like, you know, back in the 70s, I used to live in the cave. And the next cave over a bunch of nurses. We had a great time back then. And now I just say, oh, that was the best slide.

Yeah, I used to live in the cave. And we've met some nurses. And then they kept showing him that season every five minutes. They would shut them with a huge Afro. 70s.

But Jason just shows up in Blink's blankly. He's just like, he has no stories to tell. A lot like this fish. He knew he has nothing. He doesn't want to listen to them.

He doesn't laugh with them.

And it's always so low energy and boring.

Every time I cut to the dinner, they're like, Hmm. Do you like the fish? I like it to you. It's nonsense.

I like the fish. He just needs to work on his like, clearer of of tales. You know, he just doesn't have any tales of the high seas. Even if he just makes one, go on to AI, go on to like, go on to chat with you and be like,

What sort of story could you fetch for me? He has a handsome captain who once scratched a boat into a yacht into a docked. Tell us about your kimono journey. Tell us about why you want everybody to smell like sound a wood.

Tell us about the chilies you crashed into on the night. Tell us everything. Tell us more. We want to know everything. So now there's the meat and cheese and all that.

And caviar it's coming. So Alicia goes to the galley to grab some food. And Ben's like, what's your levels, darling? What's your levels? He had to tell Lisa that because there's a good chance at least.

He'll just like, the plates and there's like, hold them by the side. Like there's an all the food will fall down. So then everyone's eating some pancakes with caviar. And Daisy goes checking on the galley and she's like, Do you want me to see them?

And he's like, oh, they read it. I think we could get them to the table. So I don't know. In my opinion, cocktail hours not finished. So they probably don't want to be seated right now.

Oh, she's like, don't cut the gas.

“You're like, is it time for us to sit at the table?”

Is this the best time to be sat? So, uh, Becca's like, so, um, Alicia, we're ready to sit for dinner. She's like, oh, well, shall I chop off the prosecco? And then in the galley, Ben's like, 20 minutes. That's the bit of maybe you could sped off cocktail hour.

All right. Who's calling the fucking shots around here? All right. Starbucks to soft against. I can't take it like this.

But I'm communicating with you. You're the boss, babe. You're the boss of them. But I'm here to put the pressure on. Well, that's my job. Stop doing that. Stop it. But that's my job. It's like every time. Every time when she comes into the galley, she just plants a little bomb.

It's just incredible.

It's incredible what Syrippney is gonna do.

I've been an act for one thing. It's all right. Who gets blamed? Not sure. It's me. It's me. Who gets blamed every time. I'm gonna.

Good shot. Like literally, who does that? You're just trying to piss the guy off. Oh, you have such an emotional disconnect that you're practically a fucking Martian. I'm gonna have to start calling you. Martian.

But no, that's not a good one. Martian. Is that a body part that starts with the name? Martian Mounds. Motherfucker.

So everyone says for dinner and a day. He's like, "All right. They're seated now. They seated themselves." Because, "Oh, did they now?" That was rather presumptuous.

“Wasn't that kind of even control when they're sitting down?”

What kind of chiefs do I've been? Do your fucking food, okay? Yeah.

Good captain, Sandy, for the second time in this episode.

Just get it out there.

Daisy's like, "Bands shut persona.

“I think it's just, you know, smoke and mirrors."”

Because I know he's an insecure and ought to pick my battles. Fucking put the food out and just don't be a prick. It's like, "Well, I gave him meat and cheese. You gave them a meat and cheese. Why are you acting like you were cooking something crazy?"

Yeah. So, mecha's like, "Captain, we travel a lot. We'd love to take the best and we enjoy and get the best service. We want to see money dripping from things. New guys have been really, really good.

But have you been your best?" "Have you been your best?" Well, we definitely have some strong heads of department. Joao, Daisy and Ben, we were a team. It's going well. Okay, well, is there any stories about like a rich person that came on board or...

I'll see what kind of the ladies have that cleaning those toilets. Okay, is this customer service dinner theater? So now they get some seats. Please, please. If you'd like this message in English, please hold on. Please press one.

Thank you. Are you doing Hulk music? I am. That is creepy. I feel music.

It's like... Your call will be answered. In the order in which it was received. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I'll never tell.

I'll never tell. At least give me honest, hold music. I hate when you're holding for like Verizon. And they're like, hold on, please. Hard rock. You're Verizon. You're screwing me on my Apple Watch plan. Can we just get to that? I like that rock.

I like that one. That one holding music that went viral. It's, it's, it's got, it's got that cool vibe. It's just some call up some company in your hair. It's great. No, it's great.

There's this one holding music. It's so good. And like, there came like a moment on the internet where people were like someone. Like, does anyone know this whole music? Because it's so good. And I was like, oh my god, I love that whole music because we've all heard it. And it has this, like, cool.

And then it's like, uh, do do do do do do do do do do. I get it. I'll look it up. Vince is going to start calling in their national companies right now to see what we can get. I'm going to look up.

Awesome. Hold music. And what comes up. Well, Google celebrating St. Patrick's day. That's for sure. I'll tell you that. It's green.

You've got some leaves on there. Yeah. Done done done. Wow. There's a lot of stuff. Hold music I've ever heard.

Okay. One hour of best music on hold. I don't think it's, this, an hour of best old music. God, let me say viral.

“I don't know that that was like a niche that people are like, you know what?”

Hey, guys, tonight at dinner, we're listening to my whole music mix. Done done done done done done done done done done done done done. I think this is it. This is the viral thing it says when you're in a hole and they drop this barrier. Hold on. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's so good. I think it's the day. Mmm.

I think it's part. Yes. Sort of sounds like the rainman soundtrack. Phil Collins, something Phil Collins. Yeah, right.

So good. Yeah, I have heard that. It's so good. Um, that is good.

I've never really thought about that as an art form, but whoever did that killed it.

Ben and Ronnie get back to work. Delicious. Here comes one right now. Um, well, we definitely have great edge of department, et cetera. It's et cetera.

Okay. So now the octopus is going to come up. And Becca's like, yeah. She's mostly in my get or somebody there didn't like it. Becca says she wasn't a fan.

Uh, but I think that she was saying, I think she said just getting out towards the edited, edited it out. Um, because, um, down in the gallery, Ben's like, they're like the octopus. Honey toes and it's like, wow, some of them didn't eat it. And some of them did.

It's like, oh, really? Like, I think so. So he's like, now all and he's like, oh, well, he's starting to get upset. And then Mike and Jenna are talking. And I think, so if you had tried a little chat with your idea,

it's just like, oh, not what?

Do you think they could give me second chance?

Oh, no. Because you think they can really do it. Yeah, it's not just a little bit. Yeah, sure. And not servers.

So that's what I'm talking to.

“But that's what I kind of found it all up.”

But not anymore. Yeah. I just like them because they talked. And it pretended he liked when I talked, but no more. Well, that's a pretty solid reason.

But that's over now.

And Mike, by the way, good work, Mike.

“He's just like, he's just falling around me like, what do you think?”

What's your relationship with that? What's that like? You're quite, you're quite, what do they say on my violin? You're quite, like, must sweet on him. Yeah. It's like an old 50s thing.

Yeah. But I feel like on my violin, you can't they talking like they're in the 50s sometimes. Yeah. Oh, what a honey. I rocked him.

You reckon he'd like him? What a honey. You keen on him? What a humdinger. Yeah.

Yeah. So Daisy, okay. Yeah. So lobster spring roll. Okay.

So he's gossiping. And she's like, I've got nothing else to say, Iraq. Because he's just falling around asking your questions. And he goes, yeah, but it does think very highly of you. He does.

Mike, you know, it's about you're not going to get laid this way. Okay. I'm not that's what he's trying to do. But I feel like he's just walking around trying to get leftovers. Yeah.

Go away, Mike. Go away. He's in that. So more food comes up. There's a, there's a sorbet, pallet cleanser.

And then like a mushroom and Hollande sort of sauce thing.

And then ultimately the meal ends with an apple pie,

calzone and vanilla custard.

“And you know, last week he been was like, well, I think I'm going to”

slowly go out and apple pie. And they're like, is that the best you can do in apple pie? Like, oh, things though. And then they're like, oh, man, why are you serving an apple pie? He should have told us it was an apple calzone.

I think maybe we would have been a little bit more friendly. That's worse. An apple calzone. That doesn't sound class. He doesn't add calzone to something to make it sound easier.

It should be like a hand pie or something like that. But he doesn't have his mother. It can hit the oven. So he has to like do some sort of like fried or thing for dessert. Yeah.

But it looks very nice actually when it arrives. And so I mean, it looks like a breakfast McDonald's apple. It does like a very fancy version of that. Yeah. And they're all complaint.

They're like apple pie. Why are we eating apple pie? Who asked for apple pie? Why would he serve a apple pie? And then someone's like, this is good.

And someone else is like, yeah. So then they're like, and she goes, I mean, we're not here to minimize our plate. No. We're not here to minimize our pallets, are we?

Perhaps you are because you're on a reality screw. It's not a real one. So then Ben comes upstairs and like I was like, oh, Ben. And joy goes. We had a whole conversation earlier.

What happened? He's like, well, yeah. What happened, Ben? About what? Our dinner.

Was it that best you could do? We just wanted your best. I like that they both said at the same time. Mech and Joy both were like, you thought this was your best? [humming]

“That's how they were the Machanger Resorting.”

Yep. Nope. You're still on hold. [humming] Yeah. It was my best.

And they're like, "ah, we're just kidding." It was great love there.

You're so creative and so amazing.

It was back to your best. Jason's like, "That was God. I've been listening to any of this." But I've worn off his laughing, so all that, as well. Check you are so creative. I mean, calzone with apples? Oh my God, you're so amazing.

Did someone say something about the friend zone? Oh, calzone, never mind. Mech, are you sure you want to friends on the upper part? That's the upper part, do you sure you are? [laughing]

All right, well, I don't have fun at my expense, right? He's not like I've had any fun this weekend. It's just an immense relief in the complaining, the complimenting, the food drawings, tears you are gratitude. [laughing]

So Markus, I captain, we have a saying, so you gotta say it. It's to being pretty, powerful, and provocative. He's like, "Gord it." To being pretty, powerful, and crashing into docs. Oh, sorry.

Sometimes, miss that. Pretty, provocative. And sound or wood kimonos. [laughing] But just go, just go captain, Jason.

So Ben is very pleased with himself. Now, we have a problem here. Because Ben has been manipulating his way into a guest room every week with some kind of trauma or tears. Right.

Now he doesn't have any, he just got a huge compliment. So what's he gonna do? What's he gonna do? Well, he's without his mother. So that'll probably be the thing.

He's like, "I just had to do a whole chart of without my mother." [laughing] So the guests go the hot tub, and they want like a little caviar pizza. So someone goes, "Ben, you look like a good time. That's out of work from your haircut.

I could tell you a good time." I'm like, "From his haircut, you would think he's taking his fingers and outlets. What are you talking about? He's a good time."

Mike, are they talking to Mike? Oh, maybe they are. They must be. No, he said, "Ben." Outside of work from your haircut, I can tell you a good time.

Yeah, I don't know. Both of them. That would really work for both of them. Yeah. So Jason tells, you know, he says, "Buy." By the way, didn't you just eat six courses?

That's awesome. That's awesome about it.

I was like, "That would be me.

I'd be like, "I have a cup of coffee." Can we keep eating? Alright, we're going to be in the hot tub.

“Could you make us five more things just 'cause you have to.”

I know. Like, you're like, "They just had six courses. I'm like, have you seen us this weekend?" [laughing] We just ate just like a French toast file to our heads.

Yes, by the way, Ronnie made a delicious French toast for breakfast. It was so good. to get her. Oh, I can't call me single nationality. That's, I was just about to. So then, um, I hearts like we're taking fact that a work now. The Galli and Jason, I don't even think they're going to send it. That took him like six. They were like, "Stike." Yeah. So they didn't give us a

form or anything, right? Did they form to send the award? Last time we had to get one of

“the, where our dress is. That's what I meant. Um, it's shiny this year, by the way. It's”

very nice. It's a nice one. It's gonna be a nice one. It's a growth gold. It is rose gold. And it's heavy as hell. Yeah. And you get fingerprints all over it. They were handing them out with like those, you know, the screen cleaner. Yeah. That's, I thought that was funny. Okay. Yeah. It's like, some of that. It's not just, can I get a clean award? That's a great. Do you want to hear something said skip about a word? They have a microfiber available. You guys, I got Matthew's

poprints all over my word. Um, okay. So, um, Jason, I'm a hot dog. Yeah. So, then they go to the Galli. And Ben is there with Ellie and Jason and Jason's complimenting them. And Ben asked his favorite and Jason's like the oak to push, that was great. And the palette cleans it was nice too. I mean, you didn't just compliment the sorbet after you just had six courses of things, Jason. I have as a good, if it's a good sorbet. By the way, how good was the eye? But if you cooked

all day and it's almost like what's your favorite thing? And the ice cream from the grocery store, that was the best thing. Good job. He made this sorbet though. Oh, like, yeah. No, like ounce. No, because on top chef, I feel like you have to dis things if they're cold. Unless you do it really well. Because then Tom will be like, you know, you know, if everyone just needs to add it, but this soup is just like simple. It's clean.

And, uh, I really like it a lot. And Kristen's like, there was a ring mold in my soup. Yeah.

Hey, you never know what Tom's going to do on that show. I would have liked the soup as well,

except that there was a ring mold in it. He's like, he's rustic. He's rustic. He's rustic. He's rustic. He's just how they didn't die. Okay, man, did it. You know, we missed Kristen kiss this weekend. Did we? What was she doing? Well, she's just at a restaurant for supper,

“but that's what we could have gotten. You've just heard she was at a restaurant?”

Well, no, no, she has a restaurant here, so she was around. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, we should go. Oh, she's gone. Let's go today. Let's go right now. Sorry. I'm purging my restaurant out of ring molds. Okay, so, um, Ben's like, oh, she was the bag of egg. Alley, she did great, little lumpy dumpy. She was so, she was so great. Swirl stick, swirl stick. I can't, why can't I think of body parts? I've run out of body parts.

Well, it's not just body parts. It just has to sound like a body part. Like, you little swirl, stump. So, um, so anyway, we're in the alley as you mentioned, and Ellie is giving Joao's an apple pie. And she's, and he's like, oh, no, he goes, oh, she's a, oh, she's a, oh, she's a, you might think I'm referencing Snoop Dogg by saying, oh, she's a little, but I'm actually referencing how we say, uh, shit in Zimbabwe. She's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's not really what we say. Zimzo. Oh, Zimzo.

Holy, holy Zim, we just say Zim, instead of cursing, we just say Zimzo's Christ. Okay, Mother Zimmer. So, he's trying to apple pie with he burns himself, and she's like, oh, that was karma, that burn. The karma, karma for what? Oh, let's think through this together. Shall we? Okay, step one, you invite me for wine. Great, great, it's going great. We're going to have a chat, great, one of them. Ooh, chat with Joao, wonderful. And this is amazing. And then these mother fucker walks up the

gangway with another girl. He said, is that silly, did? Questionable. So Joao is like, oh, is that how you think it was? Oh, no, I'm sorry. She says, well, I'm sitting there like an idiot like this, and she's, you know, it feels good to finally get these all off of my chest. I love Ellie, Ellie,

who's known for, for just always having to bite her tongue and keep things on the inside. Yeah.

I have these seconds, so you do not just obey me. Yeah, and he's like, oh, maybe, maybe. Oh, I'm an angry. Today. Well, I still like him. I'm forgiving him. I'm moving on, and I'm waiting to merge genetics. She's like species. I'm not wait for sweaty little, baby.

This is a situation I have almost never been in Ha Ha Ha, modest Joao this season. It's nice

to be wanted even though I am so ugly. So Daisy sends a little bit of a bad, and so, oh, no, she says, she's going to bad. And Daisy's like, well, I'm going to bad. All right, so let's go through your last stop, want everything clean. Make sure the pantry and the sun decks are clean. Crew mess everything away, including wiping out the table. And if I see wax on the table, that's going to be a bit to clean.

“But stay as long as you need to, because I don't need you in the morning, and I think that”

for caviar for pizza, when she's gotten all right. I'll see you in the morning. Okay. Let me see, it's like, oh my god, there were three things on that list. So then the guests are up at the hot tub, and one of them wants coconut water. I guess without the ice. And Elise says checking in on when the pizza is going to be ready. It's going to be

ready in a few minutes. And then she gets it, and she serves it in the hot tub. And Becca's like,

thank you so much. All we get is just pizza is just the best late night snack you can do. And Elise is like, oh, what else would you like to say? Oh, no, no, I'm just asking. Actually, I'm just just seeing just, I'm perfectly happy. Just, you know, but by the way, my sheets feel a little cold. Can you put them in the dryer and warm them up before a good bed? I'm joking. I'm joking. Is that the best joke I could do? I have to ask myself. But I absolutely can't do that though. It doesn't

matter. They're going to cool down in two seconds. I can't do that. That's not a thing. I actually bought about a towel warmer. It's like, it looks like a big barrel and you put your towels and then you plug it in and it like warms up your towels and put your towel on like nice. But the thing is that like, it seems so nice. And then in particular, it is the stupidest thing in the entire world. Because you want the warm shower after you get out of the warm towel after you get out of the shower.

But that means you have to have this big electronic device plugged in right next to your shower. And in my bathroom, I don't have outlets next to my shower. So you have to actually go like a cross and some cord to like get the towel to come back to the shower. Like, then you get water across your floor by the time you walk or like it makes no sense.

“Yeah, I think you have to just have it wired that way. You have to be a rich enough that you're like,”

I need electric things right next to my shower. Yeah, you need like that one that are like, yeah, wired into your rack or like you or you get the you get the towel warmer if you like have a staff and you're sitting somebody like, Oh, could someone bring me a warm towel? You know, yeah, that's one of those things. Sometimes we're just not meant for things. Normal people aren't meant for stuff like that. Yeah, that's just for rich people.

It's like such a fun thing to get. And it was just so stupid. So well, they do the hot tub stuff. Alicia is still kissing button stuff and she sees her to do list from Daisy and Alicia's like, Oh my god, it's like a whole day list to work. You're choking. But it's really just cleaning. Yeah, but she does the opposite because then she breaks a glass, which means she's making things messier. So she's just started. She immediately drops a glass

and then she just covers her face and starts walking in a circle like she's going to have an nervous breakdown. Maybe steps. Just one thing at a time. It's going to be okay. And I don't want to listen to anybody complain after seeing what Ellie has to do because meanwhile, Ben's like, Hey, could you just clean everything and then we see the kitchen and it is a disaster. It's like stacked up. Yeah. Yeah. That happens just in trays and glasses and everything is just

a war zone and isn't that you do it or I beg. I need a break. Yeah, exactly. So Alicia's doing cleaning and then her boyfriend's texting. Like, Are you okay? Are you okay? And she's like,

I'm trying to function, but I'm like malfunctioning, which is what my mum always tells me. And

you can't be back at the house, front of the house, everything house. He needs to be understood that those things that can't be done in a day by one person. Yeah, I'm not every sure you can't do the whole but the whole book, but you can do some things at least. Like, what are she doing? Where is she doing any more? Yeah, check my plan today. It's been so hectic physically mentally and of course my boyfriend's doing nothing but texting me this whole child. When we see his text, he's like,

is this charter over now? You okay? Get back to me when you can't. Okay, listen, homely, man,

“you're too needy. You need to stop this. Yeah. You're dating someone three times out of your”

league and you need to calm down. She's on a boat and even if she wasn't, even if you were, even if you were not a print model for duck vests. Yeah, she is busy. Stop backing me while I'm working. That's the most annoying thing is having someone like, when you're still busy, why are you calling me? Why are you calling me? Yeah, I'm cleaning fucking poop specs off of a toilet ball. That's why it's not that I'm often like Brazil, you know, banging hot people.

I'm cleaning shit. That's right. Literally. Leave me alone. Person who still probably on a hill in Whistler. Yeah. So it's the nice morning. Last day of charter and Jason wakes up and he sees all the melted wax still on the table. It's like, if you're going to pick and choose your

all the wax, it was so bad. Obviously, it's stuff at least. Like everything you have all the counters

“clean, the table clean. And just like if somebody's coming over and at the last one, you shove”

everything in a closet or under a bed. Right. Do that. Right. The most public-facing things that think they're actually going to be using and interacting with. Clean that first. You know, everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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