I Feel Like I Should Be Able to Forgive, but I Can't — The Emotional Growth That Helped Me Heal the Wounds of My Past, Release the Pain, and Discover the Inner Peace I Was Looking For

for more, knowing something is missing.

Then this podcast is for you, so here's your host, Joe Medigan. Hello and welcome to we. There are moments in life when we genuinely want to forgive. We know holding on to anger hurts us more than anyone else. We understand that forgiveness is supposed to bring peace.

We've all read the books. We've listened to the advice.

Of course we pray about it and told ourselves, "It's just time to let go."

But somehow we can't. If you've ever whispered to yourself, "Why can't I just move on?" This episode is for you.

“The truth is forgiveness isn't difficult because we're weak.”

It's difficult because the wounds we're trying to heal often reach much deeper than we realize. We aren't simply letting go of painful memories. We're releasing broken trust, unmet expectations, lost dreams, sometimes the version of ourselves that was forever changed by what happened.

Real forgiveness doesn't begin by pretending the pain wasn't real. It begins by having the courage to honestly acknowledge it. Today we're going to explore why forgiveness can feel impossible. Why trying harder often doesn't work and how emotional healing creates the conditions where forgiveness becomes the natural consequence instead of something we force ourselves

to do. Because folks, forgiveness is not about saying what happened was okay. It's about refusing to let what happened to find the rest of your life. My hope is that before this episode ends, you'll begin to see forgiveness in a completely different way.

Not as something you owe someone else, but as one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. So wherever you are on your journey, thank you for allowing me to walk beside you once again. My name is Joe Mitigah and this is we because healing doesn't happen alone. Healing happens when we remember the we. Forgive this is one of those topics that I love to talk about because, in my opinion,

it's probably one of the single most confused and misunderstood concepts that humanity goes through. The delusional ridiculousness and I have to say it gently because I'm not going to get to work up today that forgiveness is simply like an action step.

“It's a flip of a button you should just be able to know you can't and know you aren't”

and know you're not able to and folks, I want you to hear right here in the first four minutes of this hour long episode, if you can't forgive, please know you're okay. I'm going to help you, I'm going to show you, I'm going to tell you what I did to move into the forgiveness process and why I know it's not an action step.

So hang around this episode as a powerful one and unlike most of the religions you're going

to see out there, most of the preachers from the pulpit you're going to hear out there, most of the new thought movement people that say forgiveness, you just need to move on and let it go. I'm here to say to you, if you can do that fabulous, I applaud you, I think it's wonderful. For the other 99.999% of people that can't, I'm going to explain to you why you can't,

“why it's okay that you can't and then what to do to start the process?”

So forgiveness ends up being the end result, not the desired action step. This is what this episode is all about. I've been on a self-discovery journey, I just found one of my original journals, February

in a time in my life, that in the previous fall, my grandmother, I was very close to.

“I was raised traditional Italian where family meant everything, love of family was just”

foundation to everything, and my grandmother, my non was the matriarch of an entire community. She was somebody that everybody turned to, everybody kind of looked up to, literally, and I was no different. Part of the difference in my relationship with her is towards the end of my high school years and all of my college years, because my family moved from the north to the south.

I lived with her in any of my vacation days, I went to Purdue University, which is kind of middle of Indiana, I was raised in Northern Indiana. When I would go home on breaks, when I'd have weekends off, when I would celebrate holidays, or friends would have parties, I had a room in my non-spasement, so I spent a tremendous amount of time with her, I really did, and it meant the world to me, and part of my forgiveness

literally had to be after when she died and didn't say goodbye, I was mad for a really long time.

“I'm going to tell that story here in a little bit, because some of the craziest things”

that we can't forgive is because we're hurting, not because we're a bad person. We're still in pain around the experience, not because we're weak. Forgiveness happens as the consequence of healing the pain that was caused in the event. Hear me, forgiveness is a consequence experience, forgiveness is not an action step. Forgiveness is more of a noun, it describes your experience after taking numerous action steps.

And for most of us, there were events that happened in our past when we were younger, that caused us pain, period. Now, does that mean that you're angry and pissed off and sad about everything that happened in your past? No, of course not, but in this episode, we're going to talk through that.

We're going to talk through, we're going to kind of sort it out, and I'm going to give you literally the action steps I did, so that the end result was forgiveness. Today, in this past week, I've been, you know, kind of busy, I have to tell you, every once in a while, I go through periods of time where the world around me, the world I support, just goes through deeply difficult, emotional, growing experiences, not all on the depth

of difficulty. Sometimes it's in the grandness of greatness, you know, my oldest son, he's love and life.

He starts his baseball career, literally first meeting, he's probably, and right now is

I'm making this recording. He's got his own apartment, he's living 90 miles from home, so close enough to visit, but definitely too far to come back and forth all the time. So he's independent, he's feeling great. A month ago, there was all sorts of chaos, now it's become the normals, 30 days, which

is wonderful, I'm super proud of him. My youngest, of course, you know, he just does his thing, he expands every day, his wisdom

“is far beyond his years, and I can tell you that life is really good in my home life,”

in my personal life, and I support people who are going through some really deep challenges

they are, and that's what I always want to have these shows about.

I want to talk honestly about the difficult times. I do, and if I'm sad, you're going to know it. If I'm mad, you're going to know it. And I also want you to know that when I'm a lady, and I'm excited, I really am, and this past week, I've got all of that happening all at the same time.

And, you know, I've openly said I will plan to be as open and as honest as I can, as intimate as I can, the topic of forgiveness is one of those topics where if I let myself, I can get really, really upset, angry, because the way the world perceives it, somebody who's already in a challenging spot, and is hurting, but the world says, forgive anyways, and then they just spin in their own shame, there must be something wrong with me.

Everybody says I should, and I can't. That's a shaming event. That's not a support of event, and I'm going to tell some stories on how to, that why we're going to help heal that. I'm going to give you answers to how to truly heal.

Go to my website, jomitagad.com, download my book, filling the void for free.

the book.

“It's all going to be available here soon.”

Keep checking back, jomitagad.com, filling the void is my first book, we've got several coming out, and it talks all about this stuff in details, the things I did. Well, you know, as the we podcast is growing, I talk about all the time humanity is healing,

and I always want to celebrate countries around the globe, you know, I'm just here in Atlanta,

a man with a microphone, and to think that people in Canada, in Norway, in Australian, Japan, in Hong Kong, for me to think that there are literally people around the globe listening to my voice. It's humbling, I mean, it just brings tears to my eyes, it's humbling. And I applaud all of you, and thank you for being here, my podcast are not easy.

They're not. And they're necessary, because the world is growing, the world is shifting, the world is changing, we're embracing a feminine side of ourselves that are eight faster than ever before. So I want to create a vehicle, a library of audios where you can go back, and please know this, doing it by design, if you feel stuck next week, go back and listen to the

videos on feeling stuck, if you can't let go, go back, there's numerous videos on that. If you're trying to heal and you can't, if you feel sad and you can't get out of it, go back and listen, and if you have it a great day, there's plenty of them on that too, gratitude to Grace, one of my favorites. So please know that the we podcast as a concept, I'm creating a library of support points

where I'm telling people all the time, let me keep you company, let my voice keep you company in your darkest days. Why? Because I know where you are, trust me. I spent seven years there, and I understand dark, I do.

And quite honestly, my seven years was 30 plus years ago, pre internet.

“And that's why I always say this is where the generation to change, because there's so much”

more available support. People don't have to spin in misery, like I did for six, eight, ten weeks because no one around and no money and no one to hear me and no one to support me. Well, those days are over folks, we're here together. And the more one person heals, the more another person heals.

And collectively, that's what's happening. How do I know? Because the whole man in the microphone, idea the uniqueness of what the we podcast is doing in the Apple Podcast world, it's because of all of you. Your divinity is guiding you to my divinity speaking.

I tell people all the time, my friends, my family, you know, I didn't ask it be placed on a global stage. I didn't, but I'm here. And why do I say that?

“Because right now, I'm making this audio and people literally in 14 countries are listening”

to it. But I'm here to give back. That's why I'm doing it. I have big goals of intentions of the we podcast. None of them are based on Joe trust me.

I have a beautiful life where it is right now. But when I see something broken, I can't sit still. I'm going to fix it. One of my large goals, my global goal is to heal the water crisis that countries are in.

Africa, the continent of Africa, 400 million people.

No water. Well, I am happy to say because of my very first project with project smile, that's my nonprofit. You know, I have a man who donated the money and they not only built a well system for this community, he's there literally as I'm speaking, building a school.

3000 people now have water within four minutes of their house instead of 45 minutes out of a stream that the cattle drink out of. That's my ultimate goal with the we podcast created an exposure and help heal the physical challenges of the world. My emotional intent here is to help heal emotionally a hundred million people.

And that's all of you.

And you know what, I can't show isn't going to heal the hundred million.

It's going to be you're going to hear something here that you're going to shift, you're going to change, you're going to say, oh my God, I get it. He was right. I hear what he said, whatever it is, and then you're going to tell somebody else. And then they're going to tell somebody else, then they're going to tell somebody else.

And eventually we'll hit a hundred million and from a hundred million, it's not that hard to expand to a billion and then the globe.

That's why I'm doing it, truly.

“Well, the concept of forgiveness, can you say something that humanity has just misinterpreted”

it's just misinterpreted because the whole concept of shifting a perspective from not able to forgive to forgive as if an action stuff, that entire concept happened when the new thought movement started in the 80s as a thought process, a thought. I'm just going to forgive somebody who hurt me deeply. I'm just going to forgive a society that abandoned me completely.

I'm just going to forgive that person who violated me harshly, now you know, period. And it's a cave that you can't. Now, I will caveat that just because you can't forgive somebody doesn't give you permission to take your crap out on that. Hear me, forgiveness is an emotional internal experience, your action steps are yours to take

responsibility of my podcast on Thursday is about helping people shift behaviors of the world that kind of created them. And that podcast on Thursday, you're going to want to listen to because it's all about people think, well, I'm going to forgive everybody else.

“Well, the true thing is for either feels serenity, you have to be able to forgive yourself.”

And I can pretty much guarantee you if you're not in a 12 step program and you've never

done an eighth and ninth step, the action steps of forgiving self are probably not at the top of your list of things to do. And until that happens, there is no serenity. It's a BS line. Serenity happens as a healing of self forgiveness.

Also, today isn't about self forgiveness. Today is about helping you heal the reason you can't forgive. The reason you're holding on, the reason that the idea of forgiveness is so hard. And the reason it's so hard is because whatever it is that you're trying to forgive when you think about it, you still feel pain.

And you hear about it, you still feel pain when you talk about it, or reiterate it, or think about it, you still feel pain. And it's in that pain, the pain inside, and people say, well, Joe, that happened 40 years ago. I just need to let go of that pain and move on.

Well, how has that been working for you is my kind of smart ass reply. If it was that easy, that would be fine. And for some people, they just caveat it into a dark cavern in their belly, and they move on. Not really.

It affects them some way somehow. The challenge with the entire concept, and where we have to start the process is helping people understand the we, and then helping people understand your multidimensional, and help

people understand you're on a spiritual path first, humanity second.

So let me start there. What is the we? The we is Joe's perspective of each individual human being, as a multidimensional three part being, a higher self, a human self, and the inner self. The higher self is whatever you call your God, whatever you call it.

Years ago, I called it effio, literally, that was my definition of a God, effio, no, that God ever cared? No, God loved me unconditional, but that was Joe's definition.

“That's why I said in the beginning, I wasn't pursuing a God.”

No, I was pursuing that hurting, and quite honestly, if I wouldn't have been hurting as bad as I was, I wouldn't be here today. That's just the truth. So I don't care where you are. I'm not sure, unless you just pure atheist, and it doesn't exist to you, then probably

you're not on a podcast like this, but I'm not sure where you are relative to a higher sense of you, but I don't really think there's another place on the other side of when you think a higher power, you think of effio, or because at that point it's just blank and you're not here. So I'm going to say that I can pretty much relate to wherever you are on the God idea,

the concept of it. Why do I say that because I went from an effio when I thought of the concept, to now I consider myself a God God. And both sides of that experience are pretty extreme, they are, and I don't care where you

I get it.

I do, and why is that important because when we understand as a human being, as humanity

as a concept, each individual, you're not just an eye, you're not just the ego, you're not just your human self, you're a higher self, human self, and inner self. Well, what is the inner self? The inner self is the place where you're emotional capacities live. The emotional side of you lives.

The heartfelt conditions of your yesterday and your today. That's where the inner self means. I call it the inner child, call it what you're comfortable with. I like the concept of inner child because when I thought of myself as a little boy, it was easier for me to be nice to a little boy.

That's why I did it. I learned that concept, February the 16th, 1990, do the math, 36 plus years. So I have to constantly say, I am very practiced at the inner sense of self.

“I am, and that's why I have the language for it, that's why I speak differently, that's”

why my message to the world is different.

I never once, ever, on my conscious path, I never once asked myself, how do I control

that voice? How do I control that hurt-based, hate-based, calm-based voice? How do I control it? How do I, I never asked that question. I was always guided to ask, why do I have the voice?

Not how do I change the voice? New Thought movement, positive affirmations, control your mind, the whole meditation concept of control to mind does it work, sure, because it's calm for about 27 seconds. Is that a bad thing? No.

But you wouldn't be here if you weren't pursuing additional information, additional process. And the additional information is, all of the thoughts in your head that are unfavorable that you want to change, the sources, and in your head, it's in your heart. Does ask yourself this question, have you ever tried to need it to change the voice

that says, I'm going to make a million dollars, or I really love life?

Or I am so excited, I'm going to a baseball, you don't try to change those voices. You don't. You say, okay, those are fine, I'm going to change these other voices. I can't do it. I'm too stupid.

I'm too stock. I can't move forward. I can't forgive. We're trying to change those voices. So the positive affirmation concept, the reason it doesn't work is because it's like changing

the mandate. You can change the color of the mandate all you want. But the wound is under the mandate. The reason you have the voice is because there's a hurt underneath the mandate, literally. And that's what the how-to process is.

“That's why the we podcast is considered an emotional growth, human transformation podcast.”

Quite honestly, we're the number one ranked with that. Why? And I have to caveat, because there's not a whole lot of competition out there quite honestly because the stuff I talk about, the healing of it. Now if Mr. Bradshaw, John Bradshaw, the guy who introduced the inner child to the planet

50 years ago, if he had a podcast today, I can pretty much guarantee you that Mr. Bradshaw would be talking about dual hand journaling and brace the child give a voice to the depths of yourself. How do I know that? Because that's where I learned it.

I learned it from my counselor, Nancy, who learned it from John Bradshaw. Well, Mr. Bradshaw, God rest to soul. He's a beautiful soul. It has been gone for a while. 50 plus years is sobriety, but he's not around.

Well, do I consider myself a John Bradshaw know? This man was educated. He's a global traveler. He was a doctor. If he was a psychiatrist, he's all of the book learned, sobriety learned, and inner child

worked. He was the full package. Folks, I'm not that. I am not a doctor. I am not a researcher.

I'm none of those things. I am you. And you are me.

“And quite honestly, that's why when you listen to me, if you knew me, and hopefully you'll”

get the know me, you'll see, I'm just a normal guy. I am. Nothing special about Joe. Am I practice at all this stuff? Yes, I am.

But I've come across people more spiritually connected to myself. That's a fact. Most of you, especially you women out there, are more spiritually connected to your hearts than I am. That's an absolute fact.

And how can I say that? Because most of you, even prior to your hearts healing in your wisdom, catching up, you had gut instinct, your entire life. I am working on the gut instinct thing literally after 35 years.

I'm not kidding. This gut instinct concept that women are, for a lot of women, it's your primary guidance system, since you are little. And then you add the healing of the heart, and then you add spiritual wisdom. And there's a threefold whammy gut instinct, healed heart, wisdom.

That's a powerful person.

I'm practiced on two out of three, and I'll keep you updated on the rest. The concept of forgiveness, why is it so passionate for me, is because I see people think they should be able to, and authority figures telling them they should be able to.

“And you need to, and what's wrong with you, why don't you just move that?”

I see it a lot. I kind of poke fun at myself, not really. I'm not an internet guy. I'm not a podcast guy. I'm not a YouTube person.

I don't watch TV. I don't have a television. Literally, 99% of my life is in silence. That's why I work big puzzles, by the way. But my son's taught me about the concept of a real.

Well, it's kind of a cool thing. I'm sure everybody on this podcast already knows what it is. Well, I'm a brand new real person. I haven't watched him now in, I don't know, 30, 60 days.

“I don't really know how to get to it to be quite honest with you.”

But anyways, I'm on the internet, and I'm doing stuff, whatever I was doing work, and a real comes up. I was like, what the hell? That's what he's talking about. Click.

And would you unbelievable if you don't believe in God, tell me how this possibly could have happened.

Very first real I listen to and I watched, literally, in my 60s person was the same real

with the same show host with the same new thought leader, shaming her still 30 years later. I saw that same episode, 30 years ago, 25 years ago on TV when I had a TV, my roommate had a TV. And I watched. And this new thought movement said, you just have to let that go.

What are you going to do?

“Hold on to that for the rest of your life.”

And the show host was talking about how when she was young, she had a grandmother used to beat the shit out of her, excuse the French. Beater. Hard. Bad.

Not good. Things that today, those, these people are older than I am, so they've got to be in their 70s. So the behavior we're talking about was 60 years ago, where you could do whatever you wanted to a kid 60 years ago and nobody cared wasn't anybody's business. And this particular person, this new thought movement person, she means well, she thinks

she's helping. But you see the show host sitting there saying, like, a wilderness, a national television because she can't. Why? Because the adult knows, the adult and you understand, we get it.

We've read the books, we've seen the movies, we hear the preacher, we had adult understands intellectually, mentally, we should be able to, we need to. But we're not talking about an adult. In this particular case, you're talking about a seven-year-old child who is in this

human who has never been given a voice, a seven-year-old child, hence the inner

child, the inner sense of self. Now your humanity gets it, I get it. And I tell that little girl all the time, you're okay, you're okay. That was 50 years ago, but that's the adult projecting on her on her own child. I'll give you an example.

Let's say you've got a nine-year-old son, or an 11-year-old daughter, and they're outside writing their bikes having a great time and they hit a rock and they skinned their knee really hard. But what are they going to do? They're going to come running inside, crying, hurting.

They're going to say, "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, my knee it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. I scraped it, it's bleeding, I'm scared, it's bleeding." Now, a loving mom would sit there, hold their child, encourage their child, wipe it off, and let the child cry. But think about if you're this mom, I didn't hurt you that bad.

That you wrecked on the bicycle 15 minutes ago, you shouldn't still be hurting, stop it. You're a big boy, stop hurting.

Well, that's what people do there in a child every minute of every second of every day,

“because of the style in which humanity has projected forgiveness as if an action stop.”

A child hurts their knee. They need to be held until it stops hurting, and they need to cry until they're done crying. They need to be listened to until they're done speaking, then it's done. Many years ago, many years ago, I had a 10-year-old nephew, and he was the middle boy, very sensitive kid, and he'd go out and he'd play, and he was a little more on the chunky

side. So he wasn't as good as his older brother, and his older brother was faster than everybody,

and he was just convinced because he could never keep up than no one liked him.

One day it happened to be there, and he came in, and he said uncle Joe, they don't like me. And I said, honey, what happened? And then he sat down, I sat next to him, and he cried, and he cried, and he cried. And then, because he kept saying, they don't like me, and I'm not this, I'm not good

enough. I can't keep up, and he cried, and I didn't, I didn't rescue him. I put my hand on his shoulder, said, buddy, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

And you know, when he was done, he said, well, I feel about it, I'm going to go play.

“Hey, when I'm playing, why don't I give that story?”

Because there's an inner part of you. I can't forgive why answer your hurting. Not there's something wrong with you. When you hear yourself, when you feel yourself, when you're in the experience of I can't not forgive, it's because you're hurting.

Like I said in the intro, I hope through this episode, you start identifying the, I can't forgive as a red flag, not as a baseball bat to beat yourself up with. Use it as a red flag, and the process of getting into the pain, finding the pain first, they have to understand there is pain, inner pain, why? Because if the whole concept of forgiving, if it was, there wasn't pain anymore, you wouldn't

be thinking about, oh, I need to forgive such and such, or I need to forgive that person, or I need to whatever, why? Because 95% of the behaviors that happened when we were kids, we don't carry that forward in life and say, oh, I need to forgive that person. And because my third grade school teacher put me fifth in line instead of third, no, being

put fifth in line instead of third in your little kid, probably hurt your feelings. But that isn't something as an adult, you'd say, oh, I have to forgive her for, forgiveness is needed as an adult because something bigger, a more angst-filled event happened when you were young. Some of those events are traumatic, sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse. Folks, if you're in one of those experiences, and you're trying to forgive somebody

who literally crossed your boundaries physically, emotionally, sexually, if it's here and you're trying to forgive that, please get support. Healing does not happen alone. I had support. I literally had support as I was healing the depths of my stuff for the rest of us, right? Where it wasn't necessarily massively traumatic,

but we had a mom who was ill and could never be there. We had a dad that was absent because

he worked three jobs. We had a grandma that was kind of mean just because she was an locality lady. For those types of people, for those types of events, the way you start

“the process is, you have to identify the voices in your head that are telling you that you”

should be able to do something. The first step of all healing is, a, understanding, there's hurt to be healed. Okay, so we're past that. Okay, Jo, I can't forgive because I'm hurting. How do I heal the hurt? Well, the first position of healing the hurt, you have to sit out. You have to listen to the voices. The first set of voices you're going to hear are the voices that live in the belief system that say, I should be able to. I should be able

to heal. I need to heal. I should be able to forgive. My preacher says, forgiving is a virtue. I must be something wrong with me. I don't know why I'm so stupid. I can't forgive. I don't

All of those voices, all of those voices, which are your hurt pointing back at you, making you roll for an action step that's not even an action step. For goodness is not an action step. For goodness is a state of being. It's not an action step. Grieving is an action step. Getting rage out is an action step. Celebration happiness is an action step. For goodness is a state of being. It's not an action step, folks. It's a state of presence. It's a presence of being.

“It's like serenity. Serenity is a presence. It's a state of being. That's what action step.”

Oh, that's what for goodness is. The first layer, the first levels, the first action.

You have to listen and get all of the self-defeating voices out of your head. You need to write those self-defeating voices down. And then, of course, need to tell somebody. You do. Is that easy? Of course, it's not easy. No, it's hard. In fact, it can be very hard. And it's very necessary. Why? Because if the only way you can get to the actual pain of the voice itself, the voices of the actual pain, you have to stop beating yourself up first. And we only beat ourselves up. Because

we didn't wake up and say, oh, I should be able to forgive. That isn't the normal state of being. We wake up because society projects it on us as if society knows what the hell it's talking about.

“And it doesn't. Not on that concept. That's for sure. That's why I say, I challenge human”

interpretation all the time. Mr. Bradshaw would have never said you should be able to forgive.

Mr. Bradshaw would say, go, journal with that little kid and see what she needs to say. So the first action of healing, the first action of the healing process is awareness. What's the awareness? The reason you can't forgive is you're hurting. That's an awareness. The next action step, which is all part of the spiritual growth, the emotional growth, is you have to listen to the voices in you making you wrong because you can't heal. The voices I just

mentioned. The awakening that happens when you start hearing all of the different voices in your head that constantly make you wrong because you can't forgive. You'll start seeing where and why yourself a steam is so low. What is self a steam? Self a steam is the position in which we see ourselves. Self a steam. Well, if you see yourself as a loser because you can't forgive, as you see yourself as a bad person because you can't forgive. If you see yourself as a hate

well, hurtful, no good SLB because you can't forgive, what do you think yourself a steam is? Mirroring the part that badgers you because you can't forgive and we have to get all those voices out of your head. At least start the process of getting them out of your head. How do you do that? Write them down. Those are all the voices I can promise you that if someone is trying to teach positive affirmations that your voice is saying I can't forgive. I can pretty much guarantee or if

you're in a self discovery, change your mind concept of some retreat or something. That would be one of the voices they would go after saying say over and over and over I can forgive. I can forgive. I have forgive. I have forgive. That's like telling the little boy that leg who is bleeding

“and needs seven stitches. It's not hurting stop it. That's what you're saying to yourself by trying”

to change the mind of the part that can't forgive. The part that can't forgive is because it's hurting. After we get on the other side of some of those voices, then we have to give a voice to the part and folks, for most of you, there's one or two people in your life, one or two. You know, I had two really, three a little bit, but mainly two. The first was my dad, the second was my grandmother, and I'm going to explain the grandma one here and a bit because that was the most confusing one.

I have to tell you. With my dad, he was just so easy to be pissed off at. Why? Because he was, and I'm not going to page her a dead man, right? But he was. He lived in this position of control

everything and disciplined everything and respect everything and blah, blah, blah, and he was never there.

He was never around. He never came up. He came to one baseball game dressed at looking like a mafia member. There was no such thing as the mafia, but he still looked like one. Can you imagine

tennis shoes, even if they had the goofy ass socks on and the plaid shirt on, you know,

“you picture any type of dad out there, at least they all looked like they should be at a baseball game.”

How did my dad show up in a black suit with a black tie? Well, there was plenty of reason for me to be angry with him as I got older. That's for sure. And I was, I was really mad. As most of you know, I started my process. The emotional depths of my process when I got sober, I got sober back in '94. February the 13th interaction with a friend thought about it was last time I gone 90 days. I said 1415. I said, you know, I'm going to do it seven days later.

I made it seven days, seven days later. I'm sitting in a buddy's house and the compulsion

for drugs and I'll call literally happy by the throat. I sat there for 30 minutes. I finally stood up

“and I said, God, if I'm not supposed to drink a drug, I need your help. I feel a rush of energy”

run through my body. A tear comes down my left side of my face. And my compulsion for drugs and alcohol were literally spiritually removed in that moment in time. And walked out the door and thinking of it. 54 days later, I had memories of being sexually abused as a kid. So one of my biggest stories, which I'm going to tell that story here in a while, how I know for a literal experiential fact that forgiveness is not an action step, is the experience I literally experience

as the consequence of interacting and the pain that one of my perpetrators caused me. Now, I will tell you there is tremendous types of pain everywhere, all types of pain, the pain of abandonment, the pain of neglect, the pain of being yelled at, the pain of being physically abused, the pain of being shamed, the pain of being guilt. And one of the most piercing, most sole killing pains is when you are sexually violated. Now, I will tell you in my experience,

unlike a mass number of people who are literally sexually body part the body part violated. And folks, if that is you and you're trying to forgive that person, please dear God, get help. You are not able, don't have to do it alone. My abuse was not body part the body part. My abuse was with a stick. Am I justifying it as less or more? No, brutal. Yes, did I know it at the time? No, I was so young. I know what that was going on.

Did I even remember it? No, I didn't until April the 15th, 1994. And why do I always bring that

“up? Because I say, folks, if me as a man can go through the depths and heal, so can you?”

Did I do it alone? No. Did I have help? Yes. Did I do these steps? I'm telling you? Yes, over and over and over. And my perpetrator, the abuse I felt with my perpetrator was down the road, the very first voice. Because now when you get past the voices that are pointing in at you, I'm no good. I'm this. I'm that. Those are anger voices attacking you. And that attacking you is like you pouring gasoline on yourself. Eventually, we want to hear the voices of the part

that was hurt. Literally, the part that was pain was caused. So for me, when I started learning about the inner child with my dad, my dad was the first person that I could put the anger voices outward. Now, not at him in my own sacred space, my silence, my sacred silence. And when you get

to those voices prepare yourself because you've probably never heard him before. I effing hate you.

I effing want to kill you. I effing whatever the it is. Read my bookfokes. I write them all down, filling the void, JoeMidget.com, get the book read it. You can follow along with what I did. Well, in the beginning, I would hear those voices. And I would just shame myself.

sponsor Nancy, my counselor Nancy, that's why I say, get help. As Nancy was my help. She said,

Joe, that isn't being critical. That's being honest. Hear me, folks. If you hate somebody,

it's being honest. Now, please understand, just because you're seven-year-old hates you dad, doesn't mean you're 50-year-old can't love them. It's not an either or. It's an all together. You are multi-dimensional folks, multi-dimensional. There's the human you hire you, but then that interview, there's many different aspects in the interview. And yes, your seven-year-old can hate somebody while the rest of you love them. Yes. Does that sound like an oxymoron?

“Yes, it is. That's why it's not human. It's not of your humanity. This is emotional growth. Not human”

growth. This isn't personal growth. This is emotional growth. And there is a difference. What is the

difference? Personal growth is when your adult self gets to share her viewpoints at his viewpoints

and gets better, gets wiser, gets more connected. Wonderful. Personal growth, great thing. Emotional growth is when you give a voice to your darkest parts. When you give a voice to your deepest parts, when you give a voice to the part in you who's hurting. It's just like the little boy that comes in from the bicycle rack. He just needs a mommy to sit there. Well, folks, you didn't have a mom or a dad or you wouldn't be on this podcast that could sit there during your pain.

Are you going to be on the podcast? And this what we're talking about is stuff that happened

“30 years ago. For some of us, it was 60 years ago. Does that mean it's still not bothering you?”

No, it means it's literally bothering you. Now, so you become the loving adult for the inner you in a way that 50 years ago nobody was. You become that loving adult. And what do you do? You start dual hand journaling. You let that part of you, the little kid in you speak. And when you let it speak, it's going to say the truth in the beginning. It's going to probably say I'm scared. It's okay. It's okay. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. That's fine.

And all you do is empathize. All you do is say it's okay. I'm here. It's okay. I'm here. Many men. I see here so many different blurbs, right? Where I just came across a little thing. I was checking my Instagram to follow me by the way on social media folks. I've got my social media's out there. You're going to see most of my social media's about promoting projects mile. But I saw this little video on some on a friend's page. We're talking about how men are just to

be so work because of women and women have to do this and women have to do that because of men because of men. And I keep waiting like, sir, are you going to tell men what to do? Are you just going to bitch and complain about what men don't do? I keep waiting for somebody to tell a man what to do. Well, fellas, I'm telling you right now what to do. If you're a man and you're taking it out on your wife, I'm asking you to please stop. Get a piece of paper. Write down all those voices

that you want to project at your wife. Write it down and then go get a bat and let it fly. The alone makes sure no one's in the house. Go to a friend's house. Go to the football game while your buddies are drinking and cheering. You go in the other room with a baseball bat and beat the bed. And I don't care if you're pissed off at your wife. That's fine to be angry at your wife. It's not fine to go rage at your wife. No. If you're mad at her, great. Go in the bedroom at

your buddy's house when they're drinking in partying where they're celebrating the football game, you go into the bedroom for a few minutes where they're with a football bat and just let it fly.

“You have to learn how to get your emotion out in a healthy way. I call it sacred silence.”

Sacred silence doesn't mean you don't hear anything. Sacred silence means there's no outside influence. There's no outside words. Silence means no outside, which gives you plenty of time for inside. So men, if you're angry, write it down. That blankity blank blank. That blankity blank be this. F her blank her. F this blank that whatever it is, fellas write it down on a piece of paper.

First, and then go get that baseball bat. You watch how much better you feel, because you can say

whatever you want, it's your sacred place. I remember thinking, well, you know, I have so much rage, I don't want to put that anger out into the world. A buddy of mine told me one time. He says,

Oh, so the gravitational pull of the moon energetically lifts an entire ocean.

“I remember thinking, yeah, I guess the universe of flow can lift the ocean. It can”

probably absorb my pipsqueaky little rage. Even though it's the world to you, fellas, the universe doesn't care. The universe is here to absorb your rage. When it comes out in a healthy way, a healthy way, and keep that to yourself unless you have a buddy that wants to rage with you, there ought to be men-rage parties. I'm not kidding. Hey, fellas, let's have a beer, relax a little bit, take a bed, take all the pictures of the people you don't like, and go beat the crap out of them on the bed.

Why? Because that energy is in you. Why? Because you didn't, you weren't given the emotional

need you met as a little kid either. Months and months and months and months, I got my rage out. Am I telling anybody on this podcast? You're going to take months? No.

“My process was unique. It happened 35 years ago, and there was no support. Well,”

I'm telling you that literally, men, if you just got in the habit of once a week, go into a buddy's house who understands or just doesn't give a shit, he's drinking beard, and care what you're doing is bedroom. Take a wiff of all that, and you start beating the bed of a picture. Take your wife's picture. She would rather you take your anger out on her picture on the bed in the bedroom than out on her. Why? Because you know what? People are put in our

path to push our buttons so we can spiritually grow. Being angry at your spouse does that mean you don't like them. No, means you love them. Saying it means nothing. Showing it means everything. When you learn how to take your anger out in a healthy way, you're showing somebody, you care.

“You're showing somebody, you love them. Literally. And that's the key. I'm going to have more and”

more episodes, literally on this. And I'm going to talk to men because women are just more in touch with their feelings. Most. Now, on the other side, most women start with their grief. And by the time they get to anger, it's a scary thing. Well, big boy, you don't have to be worried about being scared of your anger. You already know how to do it. Get it out. Let's just do it in a healthy way. Because sooner or later, you're going to want that wife for years. When you're bent over in pain because

the emotion underneath that her that rage is pain, you're going to want a wife sitting next to you holding your hand while you're grieving. I promise you, it would have made my path a lot easier.

I was always in isolation. So, the emotional growth part of the healing process is learning how to

get your emotions out in a healthy way, healthy way. And that is in sacred silence. Because in sacred silence, the universe absorbs all the energy, but it comes out of you into the universe, poof a god. And the more you get it out, the more you're going to feel better. And I can tell you yourself worth because when you have all those voices in you and you judge him as wrong, the value called you, how you feel about yourself. I hate him. I hate this person. I hate that

person. I'm so mad at this person. I can't stand this, but you're self-worth gets so destroyed because all of the emotion that you have that's buried in you, gets judged, gets blamed, and then gets suppressed. And then you listen to influencers out there and say, you can control your reaction, just move on. I can't tell you how many times I want to come through the screen and say, "Sir, if he controls reaction, he already done that." It's not true. Now, I'm not saying there aren't

people that have done it, one tenth of one tenth of one percent. Sure. Sure. But I'm talking about the rest of us, the 99.9. The people on this podcast right here. Well, I'm telling you, you might not be able to control your reactions, but you can, and you do, had the availability to control where you project your reactions. Hear me. I'm not saying don't react. I'm saying don't project your reaction. If you're angry, go get safe and get it out. It's fine to get reactionary of anger. It's not

fine to take the anger out on your wife. It's not fine to take your anger out on your dad. It's not fine to take your anger out on another human. It's fine to take your anger out in a healthy way because reaction is trigger most of the time. And I can tell you that the more I got my rage out,

I had with my dad. I've said it on the other podcast. I hated him. I did. Now does that mean I didn't

“loving? No, I did. He was my idol. I looked up to him all life. Talk about confusing. You hate”

somebody and love them all the time and they got unconscious day. I just knew I was nuts. I would always say,

"No wonder I drank so much." Well, drinking, you don't get to hide under alcohol anymore. It doesn't work anymore. And I will tell you out for an absolute fact that the more I got my anger out in a healthy way, I'd be around my dad doing the same goofy-ass stuff he would do. And I wouldn't feel angry because with my dad, I never felt sad. I felt mad. Angry. Well, there's only so much anger and all that suppressed anger in me when I would see him do

something goofy. I would get angry and think it was because of him. What I would do is I take that those goofy eye things that he would do into my space. And then a healthy way I'd get that anger out,

“rage. So whatever I want to be as vulgar as violent as vial as you want. Why? Because the”

universe just absorbs that. And it gets out of you instead of staying in. And I can tell you

the forgiveness that happened with my dad was I ever emotionally up and flowing and emotional heartfelt communion with my father? No, I don't even know if you had it in there. I know. And I'm not saying that I did either. But was I mad at him all the time? No. Could I see why he was the way it was all the time? Yes. So my forgiveness of my own father happened as a consequence of many releases of anger. And then one day I just realized he didn't bug me as much. I didn't

feel some matter on him all the time. He had he changed. No. As he got older, it's probably worse. But that I changed. Yes. I did. So the forgiveness relative to my dad was because I got my anger out on the other side. And when I was around him and I wouldn't feel anger anymore, the state of presence I was in was forgiveness. Meaning I don't hurt when I'm around him anymore. I don't. I felt okay when I was around him. I don't feel angry. I don't feel disappointed. I don't feel,

I don't feel anything like that. So there was a sense of forgiveness. It was a sense of letting it go. Why? Where did I let the it go with him? No. I let the it go in the releasing of the anger in my sacred place. That's where the letting go happened in the expression of the anger. What was I doing prior to expressing that anger? I was holding onto it. I was stuffing the anger down. I was making myself wrong for it. That's where the holding on comes. When you give

yourself permission to let it out, that's where the letting go happens. Literally the consequence of letting go of the anger through expression in a healthy way. I'll be around my dad. No, we're anger. My non. I called my grandmother. We called her non-tying word for non. I was so freaking mad at her that she died. How the effing dare you die on me? That was in my upper 20s at this point. She was 85. And she missed the curb. Literally. She was healthy. She was active. She was whatever.

She's the matriarch of the community. I called her up. Landline. Pre-self-phone folks. Landline. For those of you that don't know the landline is, ask somebody older. A landline. Called her up. The very last thing she said to me was, Joe, thanks for calling.

And in that moment, you know, it felt pretty good. There was a smile in her voice that always

caused my heart to feel a little better for at least a little bit. I would think about that. Thanks for calling, Joe. Thanks for calling. And that wasn't an unusual term. I and I didn't talk to her all the time on the phone. But two weeks later, I found actually freaking died. And for, or at least two years, at least two years. Prior to her funeral, it took me two bottles of Jack Daniels a night, five nights in a row. Just to touch the grave.

As a roof her at the time, we had a 10,000 square foot building. I would go out. I would never wear a shirt. I'd wear long pants. The sweat line. The salt line of my pants would always determine how hot the day was. I'd go out in the middle of this 10,000 square foot building with two bottles of Jack Daniels to drink until a little bit of feeling would come back.

“That's how disconnected I was from my emotion. And because she meant the world to me, she did.”

And for a 26 year old, 27 year old, to lose somebody that was so special, it's freaking hard. It was even harder because I didn't know how to grieve. You know, so

not too much anyways. We took two bottles of alcohol to just calm the crazy enough to

“I could relax and just grieve a little bit. It wasn't until I was at the funeral. My little”

nephew was probably two or three. Looked up that me and said Uncle Joe wears big none.

And I grieved. That was the first grieving that I did. That wasn't alcohol induced.

And I grieved for a few minutes after that driving home. I was so freaking mad. I was angry. Why was I so angry folks? Because anger was easier. Anger was simpler. Anger was more a custom. Joe was more a custom to being angry. What was I really experiencing? Deep, painful, hurt. And lost. And I just, I can't explain it. It felt like death. And instead of, I wasn't practiced enough. I wasn't practiced enough to be able to feel my feelings. I wasn't. And the

environment wasn't around safe enough. No one knew what to do. Everybody was handling it their own way. There wasn't the concept of emotional support. At least not for me. Now we're talking in the 80s. I mean, a long time ago, early 90s. And because of that, I sat there one day and I hit a bottom. I need help. And that was the spot where I said I need help. Why? Because I'm sitting there. The anger didn't work anymore. The drugs didn't work anymore. The alcohol didn't work anymore. The pain

was unbearable. I said to my mom's house and I said I need help. And she got me to therapy.

I fed where the 16th, my first session. I introduced it in a child. So literally my non-spassing

and the emotion and the alcohol and everything was so huge that I eventually got to the place where nothing was working and the pain was still there. And it was because of that then I

“reached that spot of surrender. And that's why I tell people all the time. Folks, you can't help”

somebody who isn't ready to be helped. The code dependence out that the loving lives, the loving husbands that see people drinking themselves to death. You can't do anything until they're ready. How do I know? Because that was me. I was the person on the other side. I wasn't ready. You could have said anything you wanted to me. I don't care. You could have told me. I didn't care. I wasn't ready until that spot in time where I, Joe said I need help. So as brutal as it is

to watch somebody in their pain, create space. You get safe and create space. They will figure it out. There is so much support now that they will figure it out. They will. Over time,

it was the grieving process for me. And it was literally I never reached my grief until I was sober.

“Now we're talking 1990 is when I started therapy. Okay. And I was introduced to the inner child,”

but it was all in my head. And did it work? Yes. It hypnosis work. Yes. It gave me relief. I could function. Did I stop drinking and drugging? No, I didn't. I drank and drugged every day. Literally. Drug meaning marijuana. Well, fast forward a few years. That's when I was introduced to my counselor slash sponsor Nancy who was a massage therapist. She brought me into my body. And it was brought into my body literally. Now just figuratively, but consciously in my body

is where eventually I fell feelings. After being sober and after my sexual abuse memories, that's when I started. That was the first days of my seven years of darkness, mid-April 1994. And I moved to Gainesville, 50 miles away, nobody around, lived in a business district, literally business district. So at night, I could walk out there. There wouldn't be a human being within three or four miles. It was business over the weekends. And at night. And I needed that

because I needed a safe place to get all my anger out. The head off of a $40 shovel set of big shovel handle, big tall ceilings. I would be so much that my hands would get blisters. I literally found a pair of leather gloves. So fellas, I know what you're going through. I understand the anger in you. I do. And I understand the normal is taken out on your spouse. I'm asking you, it's time to spiritually awaken to another solution.

It's time to emotionally grow into another solution to your anger. Because all it does when you take

I don't care if you can feel it or not. 100% of the time when we take our anger out on somebody

“remorse is our internal reaction. It is. So let's stop the remorse. Learn, find a safe place,”

get it ahead of time. And no ladies, I'm sorry, you can't create their safe place for them. Our men, you can't create your safe place for women. I can't really speak that much from women because I'm not a woman. I can speak from the man's position a lot. I did it, fellas, so can you. I did it for months and months and months and months. So fellas, you can do it for 15 minutes once a week. I promise you, your entire life will change. If you figure out a way to get your anger out

on a bed using a plastic bat, if you got big ceilings, get yourself a shovel and be with a shovel for a while. 15 minutes a week, you watch your life changes because mine did. Eventually I got to my grief. And I would grieve and I would grieve. And it was the loss of my non. They caused so much of the grief. And I would just sit there in the middle of fricking nowhere with nobody around and just grieve. And I would listen to music. Back then, it was a sad tape of listening to music because music kept

me company. I had nothing else. I had no one else. I listened to music. I still listen to music now. When my dad died, Amy Manford, I listened to beautiful opera singer out of Australia. I listened to her music a hundred times. It just helps me keep my heart open. It keeps me company music. When it's time to grieve, folks, for Joe I used music. Fellas give it a shot. Find yourself some headphones. Find yourself a safe place. Put some music on the tweak, shard. And then just sit there and

grieve. You've got 15 minutes. You can do it. Anger than grief. I'm telling you, if you got in that routine, 15 minutes of anger and five minutes of grief a week, your life will change. Your life will change. The last thing I'm going to talk about and how I know for the absolute that forgiveness is not an action step. It's the consequence of taking action steps. One of my

“perpetrators. Now, you have to understand, I was six or seven. These young men were 16, 17.”

And they had a stick. Pulled my pants down and did crazy shit with a stick, right? Abusive. Really abusive. And it caused a part of me. I'm sure at the time to fear life and to be afraid and not to be went along. All of that. Was that dominating in my world? No, it wasn't. But when I got to my grief, literally, then one day out of fricking nowhere. The seven year old comes to me. And my seven year old would say, why did they do that to me? What did I do? That they would do that to me?

So many of us, we carry this deep burden of guilt and shame as if we did something wrong.

And I will never forget. And I heard that voice, precious. And I am big, strong. I'm not some

grieving and raging all the time. And it literally brought me to my knees. And I didn't know what to say back then. I had no real loving adult. My loving adult caused safety. Just kept people away so I could be safe. So I could breathe freely and not be embarrassed.

“Because quite honestly, grieving is embarrassing. It was not anymore, but it used to be.”

And I just kept hearing my little kids said, what did I do? Like, what did I do wrong? And that deep little kid experience is because as a child, you don't have intellect. As a child, you can't figure out trauma. As a child, you can't figure out why mommy's not there

and daddy's always going. You can't figure it out. So a child in their human nature position is

narcissistic. A child when they're young, the world revolves around them. They don't have the conscious awareness for the world to be anything except about them. That's a normal, healthy state for a little kid. Well, when you're abused, a lot of times the protection mechanism of

of something. Here, me folks, when you blame yourself, that gives you the capacity to control

“something because the opposite of control is powerlessness. And when you're being violated,”

in a way, there is no deeper, painful experience than the powerlessness of you can do nothing. And numerous nights, I got to that powerlessness, numerous nights, I got to that grave, numerous nights, I stayed in depth and screamed and yelled and made it through. Now, I am not suggesting if you are reaching that to do it alone. Folks, this isn't 1990 anymore.

There are people around everywhere. I am suggesting that you get the voices out of your head

that are blaming you. You let the little kid get a voice. And by the angry hurtful voices, and eventually give a voice to the little kid. Because toxic shame, you just definitely know there's something wrong with you. Toxic guilt, no matter how good things are, you feel like something you did, something wrong. Toxic shame, something wrong with you. Toxic guilt, you did, something wrong. I had both. And it was when my little kid, it's like, he kept questioning what

did he do? As if he did something wrong. My seven year old believed it was his fault that these two

mean teenagers hurting so badly. And over time, Nancy, this was Nancy taught me. She said, Joe, you don't really say much. You say, I'm sorry, and I'm here. I'm sorry, and I'm here. I'm sorry,

“and I'm here. That's what you say. Not fix. Not oh my gosh. Oh, you didn't deserve it.”

None of that. I'm sorry, and I'm here. One of these days, women, you're going to have a man grieving next to you. He does not want to hear your sorry. He wants to know you're sitting with him. That's what he wants. I can promise you. 99% of the time. Typically men don't want their head held. They want their hand held. And unlike women who approach is different for a lot of women, a lot of women are more available in a softer position to literally be held. Numerous people.

I've done both with him. It's different. It is. Well, that's why I learned it. I learned how to do it. My own little kid. And I would just sit there and say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And then eventually, the little kid in me had a voice long enough, was able to say, why? Why? And I'm not talking why once or twice. I'm talking why two, three, four hundred times. This happened over a several week period of time. And then eventually, my little kid realized there was no why. He didn't do anything.

And when he kind of let go of the why, he went into the pain. And when I went into that pain,

“that is not easy pain. That's, I can't freaking breathe pain. That's what that pain is.”

And if I can go through it, I slid in a freaking building all by myself and no help and no water and no food. You can too. Why do I share those stories to share that Joe's so freaking special? No, Joe did it all wrong. Joe did it in isolation. Joe did it with no one around. I didn't know any better. Well, I'm telling you, you can do the it differently. There's a world of people that will sit with you while you get to the depths of your pain. Right here,

right now, a world of people when you get there have someone help. And if you're somebody like me that doing it with just myself was safer, I use music. I play headphones on. Now back then, I didn't have headphones. It was a cassette player. But I'd rewind that cassette play the same songs over and over. I did it. And over time, and I felt that I can't breathe pain long enough. Over time, then it'd be more anger, then it'd be more confusion. But I gave a voice to the darkest

part of me. In Joe's world, the part of me that was violated was truly probably my deepest, darkest part, the part of me and the most pain. Plenty of neglect from my father, plenty of a

that we all go through and we can all heal. Trauma is different. And if I can bulldoze through it,

“like I bulldoze through it, so can you. And that's why I share the story. How that story ends up.”

I'm probably 10 or 12 years sober now. And I just happened upon the sister of one of the perps. And I said, "So how is John?" Which is not as wrong, man. I said, "How is John?" He said, "Oh, no, Joe." John just had a horrible life, moved to California and was addicted to heroin, liquid heroin, most of his life, homeless, most of his life. He had work on a ship.

He would go, he was a mechanic, a decent mechanic. He'd go out on a ship on these big cruise ships,

these big tanker ships that would be out to see for two years. And he said, "You know, he just had a horrible life." Come to find out later that he was abused violently and maliciously

“by a family member as an entire young life. And then she went on to say, she said, "You know,”

I said, "So how is he?" She said, "No, Joe, he died." I said, "Really, what happened?" She said, "Well, he was writing." He was writing a motorcycle. And he's going around a curve in California,

the cliffs, and his motorcycle, you know, probably drunk or whatever, he hit the gravel.

And his motorcycle slid down the side of a mountain. And she said, "The wreck didn't kill him, Joe. Exposure did." And I said, "What?" I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Yeah." While Thompson said he sat down there for five days, five days, and eventually Exposure killed him. It was in that moment that I realized that I could see this man as a man who was hurting not a man who hurt me. That's forgiveness. I could see this man as a man who was hurting

“not a man who hurt me. And that's how I know forgiveness is not an action step.”

That took me a lot of releases to get there. That took me a lot of prayer to get there. That took me a lot of grieving and raging and support to get there. I got there because I had the courage to follow here the voices, get them out of my head. Let the angry voices come out. Let the little kid have a voice. And then let that little kid grieve. And over that period of time, when I reached that spot, when I could see it and I grieved.

And I grieved and I grieved. I grieved because I said, "Nobody deserves to die like that." Nobody. And it wasn't until, I don't know, a couple years later, that I realized that I just saw this person differently now because I wasn't seeing him through my eyes or hurt anymore. I was seeing him through man's eyes who had gone through the work, who had gone through the grieving, who had found the strength, who prayed for the courage, who literally was able to remote the depths of me.

So when turned the depths of me weren't hurting anymore. And when the depths aren't hurting, there's no reason to hold on. And if you're not holding on, the consequences for giving us. Folks, if you can't forgive, please understand it's okay. It's okay. Forgiveness is not an action step. Forgiveness happens as the consequence of taking action steps. And if you leave this podcast today, I hope you understand because all of us have those people,

all of us have those experiences that we wish we could just move on to. But when you can't, instead of making yourself wrong, use the I can't do it as the red flag that says something in me is hurting. Some part of me is hurting. The spiritual awakening that starts the process of healing is shifting from the belief of I can't forgive so there's something wrong with me to the awareness of I can't forgive because some part is hurting. When you move into the

some part is hurting, now you're on the path of healing the hurt. And when the hurt is healed,

To hard to share, I know it has to be hard to hear. I hope you all know how much I care,

“how much I love, how much I look forward to meeting you, how much I just have a passion to tell”

the world that if I can freaking do it, anybody can do it. I'm not special. It took me forever.

People are doing a lot faster. And together, we're healing. Together, we're changing. Together,

“we're truly healing humanity one smile at a time. And from around the world, I want to welcome you”

to me. So that's it. For today's episode of The We podcast, head on over an apple podcast or wherever

you, listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener, every single week that posts a review

“on apple podcasts or iTunes will win a chance of the grand prize drawing to win a $25,000”

prize that VIP day with show himself. Be sure to head on over to wepodcast.global and pick up a free copy of Jo's Gift and join us next time for The We podcast.